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Will we last?

(15 Posts)
Mokoblack Fri 20-Oct-17 13:10:08

I'm 27 and been with my DP for just over two years. I'm not sure if I should stay with him or not.

Last night I had a friend over for dinner and we were in the living room, DP comes in from work stands in the corridor says hello and barely acknowledges my friend. I find this rude, he seems to think it's not.

When we go out and meet my friends he doesn't really make conversation with them and most of the time looks like he doesn't even want to be out. It's taken almost 2 years for him to be slightly comfortable with my family. I just wish he would relax and interact a bit more.

I get that people can be introverted but I'm not sure I can spend my life being with someone who doesn't like interacting with people he doesn't know. In private he's a nice and lovely guy.

Another issue is we are currently trying to save for a our own place but every time I try and mention us going away for the weekend/ holiday he says we cannot because we're saving. I tell him we're young with no commitments at the moment so why can't we do both?

I'm just not sure we're compatible.
That was longer than intended.

JaneJeffer Fri 20-Oct-17 13:14:56

Sounds like you've answered your own question but it doesn't have to be the end if you can accept him for who he is!

TempStamos Fri 20-Oct-17 13:19:09

The fact that you are even asking this question, suggests to me that you are not happy with him. As you said you are young and have no other commitments, I would get out now. But I don’t know the whole situation, if you think the problems can be resolved and you can be happy, then stay.
Remember no person and no relationship is ever perfect, but you should never settle for less than you want or deserve.

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 20-Oct-17 13:20:54

Your twenties are a great age for working out what you want and what you really don't want.

This guy doesn't suit you. He wouldn't suit a lot of people, myself included. You've had a good time with him, but he's shown that he isn't the sort of person you want to be with, so if I were you I'd end it and find someone who's more suited to you.

The last thing you want is 60 more years of someone you're not suited to.

(And think about if you have children... do you want him to be like that with your children's friends and their parents?)

Mokoblack Fri 20-Oct-17 13:38:39

Thanks for the replies.

Acadia Fri 20-Oct-17 13:44:02

Take it from someone who's approaching two decades with an "oh he's quiet now but I'm sure he'll open up one day" sort of man.

It doesn't get better.

Prepare for years of silence, one word answers, grunts and excruciating dinners with no conversation. It does not get better.

The contrast between him and, well, FUN people has become a gulf. People who laugh, and smile, and joke, and tell stories about their day or observations they have or things they have read lately, who ask others questions and appear interested.

Find someone like that.

Also his desire not to have any fun sounds miserable and will also never improve. He'll be droning 'but we're saving' forever, and your twenties will be gone and you'll be 35 and stuck with someone acting like they'r'e 75.

Hermonie2016 Fri 20-Oct-17 13:52:28

Most of us who are older look back at points in a relationship and ask why we didn't leave..eventually when you do it's often much harder due to children.

It's reasonable for you to not like his behaviour around your friends.Its could also be a red flag, if he is doing it to make your friend uncomfortable, so they stop coming to see you.

Finances is a major conflict area for marriages so making sure you can work with your partner to compromise is vital.
If he can't compromise then you will feel very vulnerable if you had children and relying on him for income.It will be his way irrespective of your needs.

TheNaze73 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:09:58

I see his point about the saving. The rest just sounds rude. If he’s that uninterested he shouldn’t go out

SandyY2K Fri 20-Oct-17 17:14:55

You're not compatible and he'll just get more annoying.

Dating is the probationary period .. He's failed.

HopelesslyHopeful87 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:23:37

Sounds like my exH. Spent years being told he'd get used to people and become more confident and open to interaction. It never happened.

Also overly 'sensible' with money to the point where it bordered on control and got out of hand.

Hence the label EX H.

Aussiebean Fri 20-Oct-17 17:28:03

I am an introvert. I am happy spending time alone. But I can be social, I can engage with strangers, I can ask questions and make small talk. I join in the family events events of my in laws.

I can go to my dh's work dos and listen to people speak out their work for hours.

Then I go home and relax. Introvert doesn't mean you can't be polite and engae people in conversation. Just means you need/want a lot more alone time then others.

Littlechocola Fri 20-Oct-17 17:30:24

Have you spoken to him about it?

He sounds like my xh he was incredibly rude. If my parents came over he would sit in another room, I lost friends. The difference was that we were married and had children.

You’re doubting your relationship and you’re still young. Don’t stay and think it will get better. 12 years and 3 children later it didn’t for me.

OzzyOsbourne Fri 20-Oct-17 17:31:34

I second what Acadia said. He's a misery now and probably won't change. I spent 15 years with someone like this and am now with a normal, fun, chatty, happy person and it's such a relief.

SpunkinLatte Fri 20-Oct-17 17:36:32

I'm married to similar. It will probably get worse rather than better as you're new enough for him to make an effort. If you cast yourself forward 10 years with his exact behaviour but worse and think about whether you want to be with him you'll have your answer.
My DH has a lot of good points but this is a stress in our marriage that I could really do without.

Mokoblack Fri 20-Oct-17 17:37:59

I have he just says he's not comfortable around be people he doesn't know.

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