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communication between me and DH

(3 Posts)
gg1234 Thu 19-Oct-17 23:33:14

After 8 years of staying together and having loads of ups and downs both me and DH inspite of our differences and lots or arguments have sticked together .My DH loves my kid a lot and is a very good father .But something has to change in the way we communicate and in my marriage . My DH demands a lot of space we just communicate about grocery shopping ,kids education ,buying a house and have no other intimate secrets .We also are very strange and avoid a lot of physical intimacy .I cannot just go into my DH room when he is reading something and just HUG him if I want to .I have to first see if he is ok relaxed and then ask for his permission .I feel sometimes this is not the right marriage for me .What should I do ?

BadHatter Thu 19-Oct-17 23:52:41

I feel like MN would applaud you for seeking actual consent before touching him. Good job for not treating him like a piece of meat.

If he’s always been like how he is now, and you still decided to marry and have a kid with him, you would be unreasonable to expect him to 180. Buyer beware and all that.

Josuk Thu 19-Oct-17 23:55:59

OP - only you can decide if this is a marriage for you.
And it seems like there must be more to your story.
Not having ‘intimate secrets’ with your husband is a 😳 comment for me as I don’t quite know what secrets you’d like to have.
If you want to talk about something else other than the mundane daily stuff - what’s stopping you.

You say you BOTH are avoiding physical intimacy. But then it sounds that it may be more your husband, and less you.

For what it’s worth - some people require a lot of space. I know I do.
When I go into another room to read - I too wish that no one comes and invades my space. And I defientely don’t want hugs.
People are different.

He won’t change how he is. On some little things he might be able. But deep preferences are what they are. It’s your choice to stay around and accept him, or not.

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