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(13 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Thu 19-Oct-17 21:13:41

So this is actually a really really long story I've written a couple of posts about this but it's not worth reading back I've just got one Q I really can't get off my mind. I'll just give a quick run down

So me and my ex were friends for years, we'd been seeing each other for about a year up until two months ago. We were best friends in the whole world but for various reasons, it ended. (ended because basically he started hanging round with a group of people i completely didn't approve of, he completely changed but has since started going back to his normal self/ stopped hanging round with the people) We have been seeing each other/sleeping together since then. I'm also 15 weeks pregnant which I found out a could of weeks after we "officially" split up. He was not happy at all about me being pregnant begged me to get rid of it.

There's been a whole other load of mess to do with that as well no need for me to go into it, I'll get straight to the point.

I want to keep the baby, he says if I do he'll cut all contact with me never speak to me again, he will hate me forever, his family will want nothing to do with the baby, he's going to leave the country and all this other stuff (I know he sounds like a total dickhead but he hasn't always been this way and though it's really really hard to imagine he is actually my best friend in the whole world and the thought of completely losing him out my life is heartbreaking. I don't really have anyone else apart from a couple of friends I rarely speak to and my family. I really have never felt such a strong connection with someone. But, There's no way I'm getting an abortion just for the sake of getting back with him.

Is there any chance he's going to snap out of this? He gets so so nasty about it like completely turns into a different person. If I didn't keep the baby I have no doubt in my mind we'd end up getting back together. Why does the baby terrify him so much? Why does he say it's going to make him HATE me if I have the baby? He just cannot see straight when we discuss me keeping it he sees red completely.

(Also a side note. I have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship, my ex lived with us, very very happily and he loved acting as a father figure to him and my son saw him as a dad)

So what is with the hatred for this new baby? It's really tearing me up. Of course I know eventually I'm just going to have to let it go and move on with my life without him but I just want some opinions, any chance he's going to change his mind?

WhoWants2Know Thu 19-Oct-17 21:19:18

I don't think there's anything you can do to change his mind. Anything you say will feel like more pressure.

SonicBoomBoom Thu 19-Oct-17 21:23:22

Is there any chance he's going to snap out of this?


inlectorecumbit Thu 19-Oct-17 21:26:25

It's over. he has made his position clear.
Now you have to decide how to move forward without him especially as you are pregnant.

Angelf1sh Thu 19-Oct-17 21:33:48

No. None at all.

PNGirl Fri 20-Oct-17 07:38:42

The baby means either staying with you (sounds like he's just wanting to er "see" you for the foreseeable) or moving on after getting you pregnant, looking like a shit to friends and family, and financially supporting you for a couple of decades.

Annoyed5678 Fri 20-Oct-17 07:58:11

Even if you got back together at any piubt don't kid yourself he will change for the bet term it'll be 10 times worse. You need to focus on yourself and do what's best for you and children

Annoyed5678 Fri 20-Oct-17 07:59:19

Point and better*

DarklyDreamingDexter Fri 20-Oct-17 08:10:00

I don't want to give you any false hope, but a close family member was like this when his girlfriend got pregnant out of the blue. Was an absolute arsehole about it the entire pregnancy and wanted her to have an abortion etc. After the baby was born, he became completely smitten with the child and is now a candidate for 'Father of the year'. It really is a complete 180 degree turn around. The child is fully integrated into our family (the rest of us were never going to be arseholes about it in any case) and he is so proud of his child you'd actually think he was the first bloke ever to become a dad. Really, the transformation is breathtaking.

However, I have to say I think this reaction is very rare. I don't think this happens in 99% of cases like this so I wouldn't get my hopes up. I'd say enjoy your baby and have absolutely no expectations that he will come around and start acting like a decent human being again. If he does, it's a bonus.

Aussiebean Fri 20-Oct-17 13:13:51

If my friend told a girl who he got pregnant that he would hate her, have his family to hate her, move country, never see his child and not pay child support I would seriously question why I would want that person as a friend.

It would tell me they are a horrible person, who doesn't take responsibility for their actions and would abandon their own child. They would be no friend of mine from that moment on and I would not want him around my children

splendidisolation Fri 20-Oct-17 13:22:35

He doesn't want a baby.
You're going to go through with it despite knowing that.

Why wouldn't he hate you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 20-Oct-17 13:22:48

Why would you want to be with someone who could be so horrible?

HerOtherHalf Fri 20-Oct-17 13:26:41

He's trying to emotionally coerce you into having an abortion. There are few things i find more abhorrent than that. He's a vile, pathetic excuse for a human being and you are doing yourself a gross disservice having anything to do with him.

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