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Confused about my ex

(9 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Thu 19-Oct-17 20:51:13

So this is actually a really really long story I've written a couple of posts about this but it's not worth reading back I've just got one Q I really can't get off my mind. I'll just give a quick run down

So me and my ex were friends for years, we'd been seeing each other for about a year up until two months ago. We were best friends in the whole world but for various reasons, it ended. (ended because basically he started hanging round with a group of people i completely didn't approve of, he completely changed but has since started going back to his normal self/ stopped hanging round with the people) We have been seeing each other/sleeping together since then. I'm also 15 weeks pregnant which I found out a could of weeks after we "officially" split up. He was not happy at all about me being pregnant begged me to get rid of it.

There's been a whole other load of mess to do with that as well no need for me to go into it, I'll get straight to the point.

I want to keep the baby, he says if I do he'll cut all contact with me never speak to me again, he will hate me forever, his family will want nothing to do with the baby, he's going to leave the country and all this other stuff (I know he sounds like a total dickhead but he hasn't always been this way and though it's really really hard to imagine he is actually my best friend in the whole world and the thought of completely losing him out my life is heartbreaking. I don't really have anyone else apart from a couple of friends I rarely speak to and my family. I really have never felt such a strong connection with someone. But, There's no way I'm getting an abortion just for the sake of getting back with him.

Is there any chance he's going to snap out of this? He gets so so nasty about it like completely turns into a different person. If I didn't keep the baby I have no doubt in my mind we'd end up getting back together. Why does the baby terrify him so much? Why does he say it's going to make him HATE me if I have the baby? He just cannot see straight when we discuss me keeping it he sees red completely.

(Also a side note. I have a 3 year old son from a previous relationship, my ex lived with us, very very happily and he loved acting as a father figure to him and my son saw him as a dad)

So what is with the hatred for this new baby? It's really tearing me up. Of course I know eventually I'm just going to have to let it go and move on with my life without him but I just want some opinions, any chance he's going to change his mind?

Beerwench Fri 20-Oct-17 00:12:42

It does sound like he's using the threat of taking his love/attention away if you don't do what he wants. He's basically emotionally blackmailing you by saying he'll go, he'll not be there, his family won't be there. I think that's a pretty big indicator of the person he is. He's manipulating you into choosing between him and your pregnancy. For me personally, that's not right. If he was so dead set against a child, he should have taken some contraceptive responsibility for not creating one.
I don't know if he's likely to change his mind, but, if I were you I'd be seriously doubting the person I thought I knew right now. Why would a best friend turn their back on you when you needed them the most? I think you need to reevaluate the whole relationship from the bottom up.
I hope you find a resolution that works for you.

SandyY2K Fri 20-Oct-17 00:16:45

Have you considered he might be in another relationship? Or that he doesn't want the financial commitment of being a father?

His reaction is so very extreme. Please be careful around him. The way he says he'll hate you if you have the baby...don't put it passed him to try and cause the baby harm.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 20-Oct-17 02:40:44

What is his background in terms of culture and religion? Could this play a part in his totally ridiculous and quite alarming demands?

Katie1186 Fri 20-Oct-17 02:46:40

You have to do what you want to do. As you terminating the pregnancy can leave you hating him equally.

Out2pasture Fri 20-Oct-17 02:48:22

So he embraced one child that was not biologically his, and you expected him to embrace another? In three years you’ve been involved with three men, two of which father children, but none from him?
I’d see that as a bit of a slap in the face and can see why he’d rather leave and not be associated with you.

Cricrichan Fri 20-Oct-17 04:45:05

Well you've split up and were both seeing other people so I can totally see why he wouldn't want a child with someone he's not in a relationship with. It's a massive thing.

You have to be prepared for him not to want anything to do with the baby.

RainyApril Fri 20-Oct-17 05:47:42

He doesn't want a relationship with you, so the thought of a lifelong commitment binding you together is terrifying to him.

That said, he is behaving terribly and it is outrageous that he is issuing ultimatums and emotionally manipulating you.

You have decided to keep the baby so there is nothing else to discuss is there? Leave him to come to terms with it and concentrate on your child and your pregnancy.

In time he, and his family, may come to want an involvement - and of course he must contribute financially - but I think you need to plan to raise the baby yourself without any expectation of practical or emotional support from him.

AdalindSchade Fri 20-Oct-17 05:59:52

So he embraced one child that was not biologically his, and you expected him to embrace another? In three years you’ve been involved with three men, two of which father children, but none from him?

This is his baby isn't it?!

Op seriously, he's horrible. The way he is behaving makes him a horrible person. Why would you want to be with someone so horrible?

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