Bear with me, this could be long, I don't want to drip feed....
Not even sure whether to post this here or in parenting but tonight it's definitely a 'relationship issue'
So, DH and I married 5yrs, DS 4, DD 2. DH very good, hands on, etc etc. Kids very clingy, often only want mummy, lots of tears/tantrums when I'm not ever present or engaged. Perhaps this is my own making. I have a terrible guilt complex and am useless at leaving them to their own devices.
My problem is this, DH cannot accept my need for a beak from my parenting role. We both work, he does longer office hours but I do all school/nursery runs, home admin, cooking etc and amuse the kids between 3pm-7pm when he gets home. He has plenty of 'off' time. His current project is relatively kushy as he will admit, he has weekly long lunches, takes annual trips with his male friends, etc etc. I'm a teacher so surrounded by kids all day and afternoon.
Unfortunately my turn for some time out never seems to come. It came to a head last weekend when after a particularly trying week I asked him to take the kids off my hands for a few hours on Sunday afternoon. He seemed obliging and went along with the idea until just before they were all due to leave the house. DH approaches me saying "Tommy reeeaaallly wants you to come, mummy, don't you?'. And being a sucker, I went with them, because DS was ready by this point. DH then frequently reminded me what a lovely time we all were having AS A FAMILY. Why couldn't he just have swooped them out?! They'd have been FINE! Whether he's scared to have both kids alone, or he's just playing on my guilt complex, he certainly knows how to manipulate me and I can honestly say I can't recall the last time he had them both to himself, if ever really.
It's really starting to get me down. Tonight I started to look at some short-break ideas for me and a girlfriend (DH has agreed to this as I wholeheartedly supported him going on the annual golf trip this year with his mates). Sadly he interjected with queries about cost, purpose, and generally made me feel totally shit about it. "Oh, so you'd rather go to X with her than with me" etc.
How do I tackle this? When I try to talk to him he always says it's the kids, not him. That they're miserable without me (bollocks). Then gets stripy because he says I'm telling him he doesn't do enough, which I kind of am.... I just need a few hours a week!!
He will not entertain the idea of taking them to playground/soft play or anywhere else child-friendly as he can't stand the idea of them. I'm making him sound awful aren't I?! Instead he'll take one child swimming, or our son to see the trains, so he does stuff, it's just not ideal for both kids at the same time.
Any ideas or help for those who've been through similar would be greatly appreciated.
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Relationships
Getting a break?
16 replies
MamaDuckling · 19/10/2017 20:33
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