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Don't drink, thinking things have changed with friends

(3 Posts)
percypig2017 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:27:07

Hello, (please let me know if I have posted in the wrong section).

I am in my early forties and I have a great job I love, I work for myself and lead a good healthy lifestyle. My issue at the moment and has been for a few years now, is that my 40 year old + friends all they want to do is drink, get drunk and be hungover every weekend, its the same and more so when they are going away on holiday. They are looking forward to the 24 hour free bar at the resort or the bar at the airport or the bar en route to the airport.

So I am starting to feel like I am changing, I want more out of life with friends. I just taken up Salsa dancing which I love and also taking up tennis as well three times a week, my partner and I are doing things together but like our space outside too. I love to read, study, learn and write as its part of my job but also love walking our dogs, going running, skiing and bikes at weekends. I also like to learn new things and go away to new destinations too which is something I will be doing in the next 12 months, just short mini breaks to places I have never been to before.

I spend lunches with my friends and notice that I don't have anything really to talk to them about, Im lost in conversation. Almost like I feel I have to make something up. I just don't find anything interesting around them, but they are lovely don't get me wrong. They like to plan couples get togethers which is great fun, however the question is always, is Shelly not drinking again, what is wrong with her? Why doesnt she drink?

I do drink, maybe just a glass of wine then thats it for me. I did all this in my twenties at Uni and early thirties and my stomach and myself don't have a good relationship after the drinking, but I like just one drink. My partner he is and can drink without suffering a hangover he has a stomach of steel.

So I want to suggest and have done in the past, different things to do with friends, but its either too expensive, or its not going to happen, yet a night out, that always happens as its drink involved. I always find this boring, as my mind likes to do things which are mentally stimulating and find that this never really happens when I am out. This is their escapism whereas mine is something completely different, even a Spa, but then a drink will be involved
Maybe I need to chill out....I don't know.....oh boy!! I just find when I'm skiing, playing tennis or out running/dog walking clubs, I am myself and very relaxed and happy, like I don't have to pretend to be something I am not.

I love my friends to bits its been over 15 years of friendships, but since I'm getting older I feel I am getting bored and feel the left out one and for some reason have nothing here to talk to them about anymore. I would like to have another baby next year, however when bringing this up with my friends, she is so judgemental saying, my god you would be an old agent granny at the schools and people would look at you weirdly, would hate that, god no!! so its made me not want to be out with this one in particular or if I did fall pregnant would never want to see her or even tell her anything.

When it comes to nights out, its more like getting in at 5am, hungover until Monday/Tuesday and then starts all over again the following week. My partner likes these nights out with the other couples whereas I am not really enjoying it. He doesnt get hugely drunk as he is good at handling his drink but doesnt rub it in my face and loves the fact I don't act like my friends or am like them.

I am not by the way disliking their lifestyles, I am just feeling that it may be time to find other like minded friends now and enjoy this time with them.

Anyone been in this place before with friends?

thank you

Isetan Thu 19-Oct-17 18:49:58

You’ve outgrown them, it happens but don’t waste more of your time and theirs, by trying to pretend you haven’t. You don’t have to cut them out of your life but life’s too short trying to live in the past.

Breadwithgarlicon Thu 19-Oct-17 23:05:13

Yes. I'm with you. Let's face it, drunk people can be really boring in conversations. Fun to party with but not great to chat to or do mornings with. I would start easing away by doing things I enjoy more. You might find they change eventually too.

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