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What would your partner be like in a Zombie Apocalypse?

(78 Posts)
MeganChips Thu 19-Oct-17 13:50:05

I saw a meme doing the round recently which said something like: "Before you marry someone ask yourself if they'd be a good killing partner during the Zombie apocalypse"

It got me thinking. My DH, while lovely, is a bit (lot) of a wimp. I have lost count over the years of the times he has stood by and let a family member of his insult me, from my weight, to my hair, my dress sense, my competency as a mother and my choice of career. His reasoning being, he doesn't like conflict and I'm a big girl, I can look after myself. I have bitten my tongue so many times so he doesn't have to deal with any discomfort.

If we ever found ourselves in a tight spot I could safely say I'd be on my own.

We had a couple of mishaps on holiday this year which were irritations but not insurmountable. His response was to cry and let me deal with it. Everything has to be sorted out by me while he does his best turtle impression.

It's a massive turn off to be honest but he has always been like it, it just never used to bother me. It really does now though and I'm struggling to feel the respect I should. He seems to be getting worse but says he's never going to change.

What is your partner like in these conflict situations? Would he be any use in a zombie apocalypse?

Kelsoooo Thu 19-Oct-17 13:52:48

Sounds like you need to evaluate your relationship.....

But to answer the DH would be awesome. He defends me against anyone and anything, including myself. He's a natural leader.

He'd rise and become commander of the zombies without fail.

And I'd be crying in the background because a spider looked at me.

OneTitWonder Thu 19-Oct-17 13:53:34

My hisband is basically a cross between Magyver and Bear Grylls. He can make stuff, fix stuff and has incredible ingenuity.

But he also has coeliac disease so once the gluten free food ran out he’d be fucked.

gamerchick Thu 19-Oct-17 13:56:35

Well mines a diabetic so I can see my zombie future just keeping him alive I think.

Killing and defending I think we would make a good team. A part of my prepping hobby is ‘ornamental’ weapons on the walls of my bedroom.

Booagain Thu 19-Oct-17 13:57:50

Oh no! I’m sorry to hear this OP! That’s shit that he doesn’t stand up to them for you. I’d gently (when you haven’t had a row) say that you find it hurtful to feel he’s not supporting you when you need him, that you are a team and that’s what the word means, you back each other up.
Have you got kids / planning on them? If so, tackle this so you don’t have to become exhausted sole disciplinarian!!
My OH would lead us into a forest and carve a house in a tree if zombie apocalypse happened. If your OH wont support you, come with us ;)
Seriously though, nip this in the bud. Men can be sensitive creatures (mine is also sensitive) but your OH needs to know when he is expected to step up.

gamerchick Thu 19-Oct-17 14:01:00

We had a couple of mishaps on holiday this year which were irritations but not insurmountable. His response was to cry and let me deal with it. Everything has to be sorted out by me while he does his best turtle impression

I don’t understand this but. There were actual tears?

Kursk Thu 19-Oct-17 14:03:33

DH also hates confrontation, he isn’t great in a social situation. However outside of dealing with people he would be great. He is a very practical Ray Mears McGyver type so we would be fine

We are preppers, but this isn’t a scenario we have prepared for other that a tin of cat food marked “zombie bait”

SuzukiLi Thu 19-Oct-17 14:03:41

I can run a lot faster than my partner so he's perfect

MinorRSole Thu 19-Oct-17 14:06:53

In answer to your question,
Dh would be in his element. It’s ds1 who’d be screwed unless he could kill them in the virtual world.

The rest of your post is very sad though, I imagine it’s extremely draining having to be the ‘grown up’ in every situation. As for not having your back when others insult you - that’s just not on. I’m not surprised you find it a turn off, it is one.

MeganChips Thu 19-Oct-17 14:10:54

gamer yes. Well, his eyes filled up but wasn't a snotty wreck if you know what I mean?

Unfortunately there is no nipping in the bud to be had, this has been going on for donkeys years and the kids are teens. It's like the scales fell from eyes a little recently though and I feel pretty bloody mean.

I definitely can't run faster though!

crazymissdaisy Thu 19-Oct-17 14:17:31

Don't have a partner but my crush would be practical, calm, strategic, capable of wielding a chainsaw.....*lustful sigh* . However although this seems like just a silly fun question there is a comparable real life situation to the zombie apocalypse - childbirth. Did your partner stand up for you, support you, know what was happening and keep calm? My ex read the newspaper , said he felt awkward talking to me or the baby in a ward with other people, and " didn't want to bother the medics " and moved the bell out of my reach so i couldnt call for help when : my epidural needed topping Up ( ds1), I had a post partum haemorrhage (ds2), fetal heartbeat being traced dropped dangerously low (dd1) and my post partum pre eclampsia tendency led to me seeing flashing lights (dd2)

category12 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:18:57

My bf is quite physical and decisive, so we'd be pretty good as a team against the zombie horde. Pretty sure he'd step up if I needed him to.

Sorry your dh doesn't have your back with his family.

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 19-Oct-17 14:21:21

Mine already owns a shotgun, is a pretty dead shot and would have my back, I know that.

Just as long as he hadn't had to have 'a little sit down' and fallen asleep on the sofa...

in which case he's on his own, I'm afraid.

BeyondThePage Thu 19-Oct-17 14:23:34

DH would be dead. First wave of zombies, he would be gone... he'd still be figuring out how to use the table as a rudimentary barricade whilst me and the kids were 20miles away. He IS lovely, but a bit wet - luckily that does not matter since I am v.v. practical - but when the zombies come... under no illusions...

Eolian Thu 19-Oct-17 14:28:44

My dh would be pretty awesome. He's practical, good at diy stuff, pretty strong, not afraid of stuff and not easily upset. His only downside would be that he has a fast metabolism and gets very grumpy and/or brain foggy if he gets really hungry. So not ideal if food were a bit scarce!

BenLui Thu 19-Oct-17 14:29:46

My DH would be an excellent person to have around. Good at making stuff, good survival skills, he’s physically fit and strong and extremely bright. He’s great in a crisis too.

Megan your post makes me sad. flowers

ravenmum Thu 19-Oct-17 14:33:43

Yeah, my ex would have got all matey with the zombies and discovered that they all came from the same part of the country as him, then they'd all turn to me with a gleam in their dead eyes.

Current partner would be at the head of the line of survivors, like in Sean of the Dead, leading everyone out of trouble.

n0ne Thu 19-Oct-17 14:35:22

Mine isn't massively practical but he'd fight to the death for me while I escape grin

SP00KYLilBucket1 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:36:11

I honestly wouldn't know!. When we first moved in together we heard a noise in our flat. DH grabbed a baseball bat and then pushed me in front of him so I was walking down the stairs and he was ready to swing with the baseball bat that would've hit me. But now we've had kids he's definitely become a leader. I think if it meant protecting me or the kids he'd be great but for anything else he'd crap himsed

category12 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:39:34

grin So basically on that occasion he was going to bop you on the head and feed you to the zombies, Spooky?

NC4now Thu 19-Oct-17 14:40:33

Mine would be shit hot. He can fix anything, make anything and has served in the army and the police so he'd handle front line zombie fighting.
All I'd need to do would be keep him fed.

User5trillion Thu 19-Oct-17 14:42:36

Ahh Megan, I am sorry, its shit when the scales fall from your eyes. I had this with an ex - different issue and left but no kids, houses etc.

My husband is a bit like yours and hated confrontation and I thought he would never stand up for me..... then something big happened and he did. I never loved or fancied him more. He is still a bit wet but I am a big girl and capable of sorting myself out, he also takes direction well. So in a zombie apocalypse I will give orders and he will carry them out.

We have had other things go on like mil undermining me around the kids - I warned him that he needed to tackle it or support me when I reached breaking point and told her to get to fuck and ruined family dynamics. He has started to tackle her on it and things are improving. He is still non confrontational on the whole but I am feisty.

RavenLG Thu 19-Oct-17 14:44:53

I think DP would be good. He's a joiner and can make a lot of weapons. And because he's lifting and caring all day he has some guns on him. And he's protective too. Once in town a rather drunk aggressive guy got in my face as he thought we were pushing in the taxi queue, DP sprang out of knowhere and almost laid his out. But he knows I can handle myself too so would let me take a few out...

But then if he needed to run anywhere he's give up after a few feet, and he's a bit cockly with vet programmes so if there was any guts or blood he might be a gonner!

pallisers Thu 19-Oct-17 14:52:44

Sorry Megan - does your dh have really good points you can focus on or is this the only thing you can see now you've seen it iykwim.

My dh wouldn't be killing anyone but he would be excellent at keeping us alive. he is resourceful, good engineering brain, knows how to make things/find things etc. I'd be responsible for all the social connection stuff though - keeping the team together, getting the zombies to understand we can all get along, noticing that one of the tribe has gone postal.

Interesting that comment about childbirth. DH pretty much saved my life when I was in childbirth. After a very tough delivery - forceps/4th degree tear - I was stiched up and everyone had left the room. He was worried about me - didn't like the look of me. kept checking my blood pressure with the machine (I was still hooked up). I was in fact haemorraging, blood pressure was plummeting (my last thought was "why the hell is he playing with that machine - typical") and he called the team in

JennyOnAPlate Thu 19-Oct-17 14:58:33

Hmmm. Mine is fine in a crisis as long as I’m there to tell him what to do grin

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