OH Affair with Mum at school

Honeycake50 · 2017-10-19 09:46:22

Somebody please offer some advice. I don't know where to turn. I found out 12days ago OH has been having a 2 month affair with a fellow mum in dd class at school. I suspected there was something there as there was always some flirtation, but never expected this. The only reason the affair stopped is because her OH found out. I know every single explicit detail - they did everything, everywhere, including the kids rooms in both houses when I and her OH were at work. I know every single message to each other as her OH found it on her phone. A lot of I love you's, talking about the future amongst all the late night phone sex and dirty talk after the coast was clear and I would be in bed. My OH says he deeply regrets it and realised he didnt have these feelings he thought for her, he told me he was going to 'end it' after we got back from our summer holiday. But I now know the reason he kept on disappearing from me and kids every 2 mins was to message or call her whilst she was on her holiday. They were also planning to meet up a couple of the days after we got back. So I dont see much ending it there. I feel sick, I am losing weight - we have been together 20+ years. It was our anniversary last week which he sent me flowers, I cannot even look at him. I threw him out the day I discovered this news. It's his birthday this weekend also which I cannot celebrate but feel I should do something for the kids and try and keep things as normal as possible for them. He says he is sorry and has answered some questions - but he feels very uncomfortable. He just wants it all to go away and start planning a new future, this is what he wants. But he said to her many times he would be ostracized from everything including his kids, school, family the lot. That was his main worry. Some of his story is different to hers (I met up with her also to hear what she had to say, very hard not to smack her in the face!). But I needed to hear. What now? What do I do, I just dont know. I find it very hard to forgive something like this or even go near him. I always said I could never forgive anyone if they did this to me. I have not confided in anybody yet as I need some time. If I confide in my family members that will be the end of it so I need to figure this out. Have kept it as brief as possible, I can go on... As I said, I know EVERY SINGLE THING, words to each other, comments, sexual encounters (5 times) and what they were, and so on. For the record our 8 year marriage was good, normal, busy etc. Even he says there was nothing wrong, somebody just made him feel like he was very important and fun to be with. He now realises it was just a mad but emotional affair. The other couple are going through marriage counselling and trying to make it work. Although the other woman has admitted she still has feelings for my OH but slowly moving away from those since she knows he wants nothing more to do with her as he is trying to save his marriage. What TF now?

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

This thread has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.