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Getting married to someone who loves me but does not fancy me

(31 Posts)
ohwell02 Thu 19-Oct-17 10:28:11

We have been friends for 21 years. He visits me every few weeks or so. 2 years ago he proposed to me saying that he loved me. There has never been anything physical between us and for this reason I refused. He does not visit so much now though we are still friends.
Basically I told him last year that I wanted more physical contact
but he says he loves me like a sister.
If we married I would be afraid that he might go off with someone else.

laketaupo Thu 19-Oct-17 10:29:35

Don't do it

rizlett Thu 19-Oct-17 10:30:38

Do you think he might be gay?

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 19-Oct-17 10:31:09

You don't marry your sister. How very, very odd. How old is he? Has had relationships before?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 19-Oct-17 10:31:24

No do not marry him. This is a disaster from the very beginning.

DownTownAbbey Thu 19-Oct-17 10:41:06

Is he gay and wants a traditional heterosexual marriage, maybe due to pressure from an outside source? Or do you have property, money or prospects he'd have a claim on if you're married?

Whatever his motivation don't do it!

Looserwoman Thu 19-Oct-17 10:42:22

So are you a couple or just friends? Very odd set up.

demirose87 Thu 19-Oct-17 10:43:22

Don't do it unless you want to set yourself up for a life of feeling inferior and unfulfilled. There's other men out there better suited to you, you just need to find them.

Chewbecca Thu 19-Oct-17 10:44:31

What is he looking to achieve by getting married?

Apileofballyhoo Thu 19-Oct-17 11:04:49

Don't do it.

category12 Thu 19-Oct-17 11:06:32

Why on earth would you get married?!

whitehorsesdonotlie Thu 19-Oct-17 11:07:31

Why would you marry him?? Do you love him??

midnightmisssuki Thu 19-Oct-17 11:08:42

he loves you 'like a sister'? why on earth would he want to marry someone who he 'loved like a sister?!'

Please dont do it OP.

Isetan Thu 19-Oct-17 12:08:50

You aren't on the same page and that's all you need to know. His proposal is all about his needs and the marriage would be too.

luckyDuvet Thu 19-Oct-17 12:08:54

Why do you want to marry him?

NotTheFordType Thu 19-Oct-17 12:44:52

Has he explained why he doesn't want a sexual relationship with you?

Second to that, has he explained why he wants to marry you when he views you as being like a sister?

TheNaze73 Thu 19-Oct-17 15:56:53

Can’t get keep my head around why either of you would want to be married. Avoid

Namethecat Thu 19-Oct-17 16:09:12

What about you ? Do you love him ? Or not being nasty - it is because you are lonely? I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want a physical relationship with me because they did not see me that way. He might just want a mummy to do his cooking/cleaning etc. If you do own your own home and think you will marry then definitely 're do your will saying a marriage will not change any beneficiaries and keep finances separate. He should also pay his own way as imo he sees himself as nothing more than a friendly lodger.

AngelsSins Thu 19-Oct-17 16:22:37

Jesus Christ, why would you settle for this? Does being married matter that much to you? How do you know he's not gay? Or maybe just fancies some company and a house keeper? Really, in the nicest possible way, raise your bar.

MollyHuaCha Thu 19-Oct-17 16:22:40

Hmmm, sounds like a great bloke. But he wants a mummy/sister/friend, not a wife. Maybe you should keep him as a close friend.

Bibbidee Thu 19-Oct-17 16:36:33

OP, I'm cringing asking this but....but...do you think he wants to marry you for you money?! Sorry it just popped in to my mind! blush

pigeondujour Thu 19-Oct-17 16:51:31

Is this the early 1900s?!

anotherdayanother Thu 19-Oct-17 17:30:43

In short. NO!

sonjadog Thu 19-Oct-17 17:38:40

Why do you want to marry him? Do you really think he wants to marry you? Look at it rationally - he visits every few weeks, he doesn´t want physical contact, he is visiting even less than before. Does this sound like the behaviour of someone who loves you deeply? I think it very likely he will go off with someone else should you ever marry - because his behaviour is not of a man dating the woman he wants to spend his life with.

Notsandwiches Thu 19-Oct-17 17:42:02

If you don't consummate your marriage either one of you can have it annulled because it's not technically valid I think.

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