Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is there a name for this behaviour?

(11 Posts)
inmyshoos Wed 18-Oct-17 23:29:25

Just wondering if there is a name for this type of behaviour. Things my STBXH does/did.

Causes arguments with the dc anytime I was going out so there was always someone crying when I left which would ruin any enjoyment of going out.

Jealous- of me wanting to spend time with anyone other than him. Would verbalize this by saying for example 'Oh so where did you go?
Me - 'We went to Zizis
Him - I'd love to go to Zizis.
Then look all pathetic and sad.

When we first met he was a bit stalkerish but I was in a really horrible vunerable place and mistook him for the 'knight in shining armour'.
I remember the first time we kissed and the first time we slept together and I felt rushed and like my saying I'm not sure about this wasn't really listened to.

Only ever hears half an instruction/request.

When sex dried up in our marriage I would wake up next to him either masterbating or touching me trying to initiate sex.
I got to the point where I'd actively encourage my youngest dc to sleep in with me so I didn't have to sleep beside him.

I actually realised one day I was constantly saying i was ill because I wanted him to leave me alone and not pester me.

If I ever tried to talk to him and said anything he didn't like, anything that didn't paint him in the best light, he would get angry and walk out slamming doors. When he came back he would apologise but never want to continue talking.

Never ever accept responsibility for anything. Even now we have separated he has said he can accept that I've fallen out of love with him but anything else is bullshit. He feels he was nothing but a devoted partner and couldn't have done anything else to make me happy.

Within first 2 years of meeting applied for a job 200 miles away from our hometown. I now believe 100% this was so he would have me all to himself, more control over me.

Jealous of my relationship with my ds. Will try and belittle him. Gets all arsey when I defend ds

There are other behaviours but can't think right now.

Is there a name for this kind of behaviour? I know what I call him isn't the technical term grin

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Wed 18-Oct-17 23:51:45

I don't know about a technical term for this set of behaviours, but coercing you into sex you didn't want definitely has a name. Whatever he is, you are well out of it by the sound of it flowers

thatdearoctopus Wed 18-Oct-17 23:54:45

I think "cunt" covers it.

ErrolTheDragon Thu 19-Oct-17 00:02:48

Emotional abuse, and some of it might be coercive control.

inmyshoos Thu 19-Oct-17 00:04:50

Yip I agree cunt sums it up nicely grin

feedme I have not had one bit of doubt, not once, about my decision and its been 10 months.

springydaffs Thu 19-Oct-17 00:07:02

This is classic domestic abuse. He is an abuser.

Have you done the Freedom Programme? Do. You'll recognise him there.

LadyWire Thu 19-Oct-17 00:09:14

The word is abuse.

Twillow Thu 19-Oct-17 00:12:51

Part narcissist, part controlling /emotional abuse.
Glad you're out of it x

highinthesky Thu 19-Oct-17 00:13:41

Emotional abuse for sure. All part of coercive control, ergo DV.

RedastheRose Thu 19-Oct-17 00:20:57

Narcissistic tendencies, emotional and sexual abusive behaviour. Read up about the red flags of abuse, probably see a lot more things in there that make you think. The rushing you into sex and into a relationship, as well as removal to an area away from family and friends are quite common with people with narcissistic tendencies.

RonaldMcDonald Thu 19-Oct-17 00:38:16

He is clearly a domestic abuser.

He exhibits sexual abuse.
He is isolating you
He uses your relationship with your children against you
He is emotionally abusive
He is verbally abusive
He is passive aggressive

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: