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How do i resolve this

(6 Posts)
OutlawFromHell Wed 18-Oct-17 22:22:44

I will start by saying 2 things - 1 I have name changed in case dh sees this and 2 I have fucked up on the way here too.

Mother in law and I had a huge fall out a few years ago over the fact her husband sexually assaulted a friend of mine - she stood by her husband, dh got stuck in the middle. We resolved it by me opting to remove myself and the kids from mother in laws life. This has made my husband's life virtually impossible but he's chosen to make a go of our marriage so has to put up with my decision.

Fast forward to last month and dh and I have a blow up argument about how much he misses his mum and misses being a family - I have never ever stopped him seeing her I just refuse to have anything to do with the manipulative witch and her husband myself. He made me agree to start trying to build bridges with her so I agreed I would drop her a text. I genuinely forgot

Now she phoned this evening and laid into me at dh for not visiting her father who is elderly and infirm. Dh stood up for me to her and said my own grandfather is in a similar state and my priorities have gone in that direction. She didn't like that going by what he was saying to her.

Long story short he came off the phone ready to burst and let rip at me for not trying to patch things up. He wants nothing to do with me as I just make things worse and make his life difficult. I know he's letting off steam but I can't help but feel there is an element of truth there.

I offered to make contact with the witch and he told me don't bother there's no chance of repairing my relationship with her (Oh well).

I'm really really worried about dh though. Really worried about him. He's a bottle everything up kind of person and he's about ready to blow.

Annoyed5678 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:22:54

The door has been open for your DH to have a relationship with his mum, its your choice if you dont want to have anything to do with her so don't let anyone force you. IfDH can't be grown up and have a relationship with both if you separately that's his issue not yours

buckeejit Wed 18-Oct-17 23:26:53

Why hadn't dh seen his GF?

Joysmum Wed 18-Oct-17 23:39:16

I’d be concerned that he’s the one not making the effort but instead of accepting that he’s made that choice, he’d rather blame you instead.

FritzDonovan Wed 18-Oct-17 23:43:58

Agree with pp above, dh needs to take responsibility for his interactions with his own family. All you can do is point this out in a calm and reasonable manner and wait for the penny to drop. Or not. Might also be worth asking him why he thinks it's OK for his mother to lay blame on you, and why he thinks you should mend fences with someone with that attitude.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 19-Oct-17 01:05:08

Ok... Wait a minute... What does your husband have to say about his father sexually assaulting your friend? What happened?

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