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No sex/intimacy in marriage(6 Posts)
Have name changed but regular (ish) poster.
Late 30’s, married eight years, very infrequent sex as it’s just not very good. I feel terribly guilty as I knew the spark wasn’t there but thought/hoped it would come after marriage (naive, I know). There’s very little intimacy at all, and I know he would like more but there’s no physical attraction from me.
I think he’d want it once a week, set night, in bed, no foreplay, no kissing (which also isn’t good).
Otherwise very happy looking marriage, life plan, careers, no kids (which in truth is probably linked to the above more than I like to admit), naice house - and while materialistic I know I’ll miss it all.
I also know I’m not an easy partner - not stunning, a 14/16, strong willed and stubborn. So may well not be seen as a prize catch and I guess need to expect some/a lot of time alone.
Not absolutely clear on what my question is - maybe just looking for others experiences and thoughts.
You shouldn't have married him in the first place if there wasn't an attraction. Can you really live the rest of your life like this? Can you really expect your husband to live like that? It's not fair on either of you.
Sounds like your ready to move in and regret the whole relationship. You need to tell your H and end things if your safe to do so. Find someone who will appreciate you sexually
Do you have a sex drive? By which I mean, do you ever get aroused by anything? I've been through periods of no libido in my life, where I honestly couldn't get aroused if the sexiest man on earth turned up and propositioned me. I wasn't physically attracted to my husband because I wasn't physically attracted to anyone. The lack of sex drive was compounded by a history of abuse and assault, so there was no way I could just go along with things without being further traumatised.
When my sex drive is back, it completely flips. I just wonder if you have no interest in him, or no interest at all? If it's the latter, worth getting hormone levels and thyroid checked to be safe.
Is it the fact that the sex is so dreadful? Can you talk to him about this? I physically could not have sex without foreplay, it would be excruciating. If it has been like this for you it's no surprise you don't want it.
Don't you think your husband deserves a partner who actually fancies him? You are being horribly selfish and unfair. If you don't want to have sex with him, and sex is important to him, let him move on with his life.
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