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A guy has asked me out on a date for the 5th time....but I can't go and I'm feeling sorry for myself!

(62 Posts)
cupcakesmakeyouhappy Wed 18-Oct-17 15:46:36

I have been single 7 years since my exh left. He moved on pretty quickly and has been with his current gf 6.5 years.
Me, on the other hand, can't move on.
I gave up on dating a long time ago. I get lonely sometimes but I'm ok.
Pointless being on dating sites as I don't have a sitter. I came to terms with single life....
Someone I know has asked me out again. My excuse is always, I don't have time but in reality the real reason is, I don't have anyone to babysit. My youngest is 9. I won't be able to go out until she's about 15/16.
It's a long time single.....and all of a sudden I feel sorry for myself.....
Anyone else out there in the same position?

ravenmum Wed 18-Oct-17 16:02:54

No money for babysitter and ex refusing to look after his own children?

frenchfancy17 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:08:44

Why can't your exh have them? Parents? Friends?

ijustwannadance Wed 18-Oct-17 16:15:07

If youngest is 9, how old is the oldest? Could they babysit?

Stop making crap excuses, life will just pass by. Do you like the person who is obviously very keen on you? Tell them the truth. Could you not invite them round for a meal and movie one night once kids in bed?

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Wed 18-Oct-17 16:16:20

My ex doesn't have them....only for 2 hours on a Thursday. It would be pointless, wouldn't it? I don't have family support, unfortunately.
I know it's something I just have to deal with. Wanted to see how others felt as sometimes you feel a bit lonely ....

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Wed 18-Oct-17 16:19:42

Not sure what my crap excuses are?
13, so a little too young.
Reason for my post as life is passing by....lately I feel it more than ever.
They go to bed around 8.30 - 9. I would have to tell them....not sure if this is the right thing to do

AliPfefferman Wed 18-Oct-17 16:20:56

Can you afford to pay a babysitter? 9 isn't very young, you could easily get a local teenager to do it for not too much.

Or, why not explain and have him stop by after your child is asleep?

cherrycola2004 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:21:56

I’d explain and ask him round to your house

ravenmum Wed 18-Oct-17 16:33:01

If your ex already does a little bit, could he be persuaded to do a more normal amount of childcare? Why should you be left to do it all? Or can't he be trusted with the children? Is he dangerous?

ravenmum Wed 18-Oct-17 16:35:18

My bf has his 6-year-old daughter there sometimes when I visit. He introduced me as his friend and said I was coming to visit him. No more explanation has been required. There's nothing wrong with you having a life, nothing shameful you should hide from the kids.

TroysMammy Wed 18-Oct-17 16:37:21

Can't you arrange a lunch date when the children are in school?

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Wed 18-Oct-17 16:37:49

It would be 10pm....just not sure!
I have asked my ex time and time again. He will not help. He wont help out to benefit our dc's let alone free up some time for me. Not dangerous, just uninterested.
I was think of speaki g to my dc's? Saying it's a friend? It is, kind of.

Ellisandra Wed 18-Oct-17 16:39:52

Why doesn't their father ever have them? I guess he's local if he does a pathetic 2 hours.
What would happen if you told him it was fucking ridiculous and you needed time off and from now on be waa doing x overnights?

Ellisandra Wed 18-Oct-17 16:40:56

Sorry, crossed. Have you asked or told?

Ellisandra Wed 18-Oct-17 16:41:42

Does he pay the right maintenance? If not, CMS and use it for a babysitter!

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Wed 18-Oct-17 16:48:18

I can't tell him. Well I have tried to. He just refuses. I can't force him! I have actually begged as I have struggled with childcare in the past for work. He doesn't care.
He is local, next street to ours.

Ijustlovefood Wed 18-Oct-17 16:57:21

Your ex sounds like an arsehole. Lady, you are going on that date! Find a way. Someone somewhere will be able to babysit for a few hours.

traviata Wed 18-Oct-17 17:00:34

what about daytime - would you be ok to leave them together for a couple of hours on a Sunday while you stroll in the park/ have a lunchtime drink?

and yy to local teenager to babysit - the great thing about a teenager is that they don't mind doing just an hour or two here and there.

chipscheesentomatosauce Wed 18-Oct-17 17:01:33

Your ex is disgusting excuse for a father. No advice, but I feel for you.

Newtssuitcase Wed 18-Oct-17 17:01:44

I really don't understand this. You need a babysitter for 3 hours (ish) to go out for a drink in the first instance. This would cost you about £30 ish wouldn't it?

There are lots of babysitting services. Try

AdalindSchade Wed 18-Oct-17 17:02:40

I think 13 is ok to babysit a 9 year old for a couple of hours. Stay local and keep your phone on. Certainly don't need to wait until your youngest is 15!!

MyOtherNameIsAFordFiesta Wed 18-Oct-17 17:04:46

Could you meet the guy at the weekend? Maybe get a play date set up for your younger child, and the 13 year old should be ok alone for a couple of hours during the day.

OSETmum Wed 18-Oct-17 17:06:12

This guy obviously really likes you, do you like him? If so tell him the truth, even if you just meet him for coffee while the kids are at their dads or I’m sure the older one could look after the younger one for a few hours! I used to when I was 13 while my parents worked and my siblings would have been 11, 9 and 2 at the time

Walkacrossthesand Wed 18-Oct-17 17:13:27

Any local friends (with a husband/partner to look after their own DCs while they come& babysit for you?) Or in exchange for a service - do a load of ironing for them, whatever? If you were my friend I'd want to help you get a bit of a break.

ijustwannadance Wed 18-Oct-17 17:25:18

I meant the excuses about not having the time, or having to wait until kids are older.

Your ex is a twat.

Leaving a 13 year old would be fine but depends on maturity level.
Or just tell them your friend is coming for dinner.

Could you go out for lunch instead when kids are at school?

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