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Domestic violence from female ex partner to male (urgent advice needed).

(210 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

WhippinPiccadilly1 Tue 17-Oct-17 20:49:34


I'm asking for advice in an urgent matter. Today, a woman physically assisted her ex partner in a soft play centre. It was witnessed by 3 independent witnesses, and on cctv. He was holding his 8 month old child when she attacked him (she's the child's mother). She tried to grab the baby back because she wanted to end the contact. He said no, it's my contact time please leave me alone. So she grabbed him, scratched him and punched him 3 times. He has broken skin, to several areas on his arm.
I don't want to go in to lots of detail, but the contact case is on its way to court. Mediation has taken place. And failed. She wants contact only with her present. She has no concerns about his parenting. That's not in question. She just feels the child has no bond with its father (she has consistently prevented contact, reduced hours and times, cancelled etc).

He has reported what happened to police, who have been to take a statement. He has reported it to social services. He has informed his own solicitor.

The police initially didn't take him seriously, and we're abrasive in their treatment. They eventually softened after he had given all the detail. They have said she will get an appointment to attend for an interview under caution, where she will be given a caution for the offense. They said it's extremely unlikely to go to court.

Social services said 'why did you let her take the child', to which he answered because the only way to stop the abuse was to hand my child to her. They said they would investigate and get back to him.

So, what now? Any advice on this matter would be very helpful. I'll answer what I can, without going in to endless detail. I'm not sure what is or isn't relevant at this point.

(I've accidently posted this in the wrong section, so please ignore the duplicate posting).

PondLifeinLondon Tue 17-Oct-17 20:53:44

Who is this person to you?

StaplesCorner Tue 17-Oct-17 20:59:05

My friend was goaded by her ex-h who wanted to take the kids away from her, he came to the door to get them, she lost it and hit him, no marks, he wasn't hurt but she definitely hit him. He managed to get her arrested and taken into custody that night, and convicted of assault. I think it depends whether the man involved is an arsehole who is a right lad with the police and they say yeah psycho bitch arrest her, or if the guy tries to give a reasoned measured account. All this man can do it hope his solicitor will support him to do whatever he feels is necessary.

What does he want to happen now? Does he want to press charges? Does he want to get contact sorted out? Why did the mother get so upset?

Hissy Tue 17-Oct-17 20:59:20

Call mankind, they help victims of violence

debbs77 Tue 17-Oct-17 21:00:00

No advice but that's awful.

MadMags Tue 17-Oct-17 21:02:10

Staples I'm sure you're not condoning physical assault??

OP he's done what he can. I'm assuming it's just a waiting game. What does he want to happen?

StaplesCorner Tue 17-Oct-17 21:07:35

No Mad just saying what happened? How am I condoning it? In the case I was talking about, friend's ex had mentally abused her for years. When she snapped it was the result he'd waited for. That was in that particular case.

The OP seemed to be saying that the police had minimised what happened, I was just saying they seem to take sides depending on who they take to on the day sad - women experience the same thing.

WhippinPiccadilly1 Tue 17-Oct-17 21:11:40

What he wants is contact, regular, with no stipulations on his ex being there, or where it is. He wants his daughter 2 days a week with overnights, but is prepared to work up to that over several months, in the best interest of his daughter.

He wants to press charges, because this is escalation of what has been happening to him since the child was born. He has been emotionally abused, verbally abused, and now this escalation to physical abuse.

The baby was upset, as she could see her mother. He asked for the baby's dummy. She refused. He asked again. She refused. The 3rd time she put it directly in the baby's mouth. He walked back to the soft play area, she shouted at him to put the baby down, so he did. The baby cried. He picked her up, and that's when she came over, demanded the baby back, and he said no. He's never said no when she has demanded her back before. That's when she hit him.

MadMags Tue 17-Oct-17 21:15:01

It's so awful what people will put their children in the middle of.

I hope he is treated like any victim, with care and compassion.

flutterby12 Tue 17-Oct-17 21:15:41

That poor man. I have no advice but the witnesses and CCTV should surely go in his favour?

MadMags Tue 17-Oct-17 21:17:57

Is he willing to have his child full time if SS deem it appropriate or necessary?

Because obviously pressing charges could have far-reaching consequences. Though it is absolutely the right thing to do!

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 17-Oct-17 21:18:52

If the police give a caution and she accepts it then it isn't going to go to court, so he can't "press charges" in that sense. It's up to the police and/or the CPS if the police pass it on to them.

WhippinPiccadilly1 Tue 17-Oct-17 21:22:42

Yes he is willing to have his daughter full time, if necessary.

PondLifeinLondon Tue 17-Oct-17 22:02:37

Are you his current partner?

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 17-Oct-17 22:07:48


Please stop victim blaming, by posting that you are insinuating that he must have done something wrong.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 17-Oct-17 22:11:24

I didn't read staples post as victim blaming.

StaplesCorner Tue 17-Oct-17 22:27:08

Who I am insinuating did something wrong? The man? My friend? Her ex? The OP? I am saying the police behaved very differently in the case I know of, to this case which the OP is explaining to us.

So are you being deliberately obtuse Boney? I'm saying what happened to a friend - she hit her ex, she WAS prosecuted (in her case I think wrongly as she had suffered for years and cases where abuse victims snap are well documented), but in the case of the OP's friend it seems the police are not taking the OP's friend's case seriously and it the OP is telling us this guy has suffered previously as well. Strewth.

I feel like I'm explaining it to a 5 year old, there's so many friends and cases. Its just an anecdote about what happened to someone I knew!! OP its not at all even helpful, ignore it hmm

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 17-Oct-17 22:31:08

My friend was goaded by her ex-h who wanted to take the kids away from her

what is so hard to understand?

On a thread where a male has been hit by a woman your first line is

My friend was goaded by her ex-h who wanted to take the kids away from her

DailyMailDontStealMyThread Tue 17-Oct-17 22:31:46

Tell him to get in touch with mankind for support

StaplesCorner Tue 17-Oct-17 22:41:33

Ah Boney so you ARE being obtuse. I see, not to worry. Its the ordering which I typed the lines. Strewth again.

StaplesCorner Tue 17-Oct-17 22:41:42

order in which

DamsonGin Tue 17-Oct-17 22:48:08

(so glad Mankind had enough funds to keep going they were close to shutting last time I looked)
01823 334244

0808 801 0327
Both helped when my DB was in trouble, I rang mankind myself, they're happy to take calls from concerned friends and family.

I'm glad he's got a solicitor, hopefully they'll know their stuff, especially through the family court.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Tue 17-Oct-17 23:01:50

I am also curious as to the relationship between you and this man? Are you one of the three "independent" witnesses?

MadMags Tue 17-Oct-17 23:04:08

Does it matter, really?

Desmondo2016 Tue 17-Oct-17 23:09:37

There is no advice needed.

Report it to police. Done.

Get a solicitor. Done.

Family court process. Done.

The OP my guess is you're new partner and have a bone of contention with his ex partner and wanted to dramatize things by posting on here. Although I don't condone physical abuse of course, this is not your situation so I'd stay out of it.

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