I made a video interview about a month ago about my husband's behaviour. Our sex life was always a bit off beam and something I hadn't experienced before. Since the interview I am having flashbacks, and wondering if it was for real. The amount of sexual poking and prodding over 20 odd years when I have been asleep or not interested. The amount of times he picked up a bit of me and moved it onto a bit of him for his own satisfaction, the times he masterbated while holding onto a bit of me... He told me it was affection. I believed him, or at least wanted to believe him. The amount of arguments this poking around generated. I asked him not to do it while I was asleep. It was for me a horrible way to wake up.
In the process of divorcing and selling the house. I have no bones about it. I became fridgid. So did his former wife. I knew I was fridgid when I lay curled up in a tight rigid ball hoping he wouldn't touch me.
It happened to me too, to a lesser extent and for fewer years and it was MN that helped me to recognise it for what it was. My first ever post was to ask whether it was possible for me to rekindle my attraction for my husband as when he touched me he made my skin crawl and I had to dig my nails into my hand and count in my head over and over to enable me to tolerate sex. I thought it was my fault.
I had some harsh replies that supported that view but one response stood out saying that I shouldn't be repeatedly having sex I didn't want, that it wasn't my duty and it wasn't surprising I didn't enjoy it.
That was four years ago and it started me on my road to freedom. I'll always be grateful to MN for that and I wish that poster could know what she did for me.
He still doesn't see what was wrong in what he did 'we were married'. Sexual coercion is insidious.
I'm so pleased for you OP that you are escaping too. My life is so good now.
It was MNers who pointed it out to me more than 5 years ago. I couldn't process it at the time. Now it is gradually getting to the police. Ugh. It probably wouldn't had my stupid husband not had me arrested because he was in a rage and wanted to cause me harm.