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He's not who I thought he was.

(4 Posts)
lilly0 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:59:56

So me and OH have been having relationship counselling we separated last year but agreed to give things ago again we have been together for nearly 7 years. Short story I gained weight and have a chronic illness managing to lose weight now oh told me on holiday that because I gained weight he had an emotional affair at work he insists that nothing physical happened but he was tempted,

. I was out of work but have gone back to work and helping round the house more . Things seemed to be improving and we started relate , after a session he told me he had had a threesome at uni with an ex girlfriend and things got awkward and they broke up the girl at work reminded him of her.

I'm not a prude in anyway I love to experiment but oh has always said he never had a threesome , I asked him why he lied he just shrugged did the swallowing nervous thing he does and said it was in the past. I have problems trusting him now I feel like him easily lying about the threesome thing may mean he's lied about his affair bring purely emotional then he said he feels like he can't tell me things as I get upset and dwell on little things especially now after the emotional affair he had. He says we are in a good place and we are really getting there he doesn't want to throw away 7 years of a relationship.

I guess my core issue is my opinion of my oh has changed I thought he would never have affairs or be shallow when I was struggling with illness. I thought he was one of the good ones not a liar oh got upset when I told him my opinion of him has changed. I love him and relate has helped us so far but I don't know if things will ever go back to how they were. I'm not sure if the relationship is worth saving if i view him so differently.

Lagerthaisfabulous Tue 17-Oct-17 05:39:49

To be fair, on the threesome part, lots of people are embarassed or worry about what people think when it comes to sexual pasts. I also think he has a right to keeo his sexual history to himself.

Would you have been ok if he said 'i would prefer not to discuss that', instead of telling you he hadnt? I can see why someone would lie if they didnt feel comfortable giving their sexual history and they feel refusing to discuss it will not be greatly recieved.

But thats totally seperate to everything else.

Its possible he lied about the affair. And if you view him differently, thats entirely ok. Either the relationship is gking to be different and you both need to find a new normal, continue counselling and see how it goes.

Or you need to cut your losses now if yiu can move past it. But no one can tell you which to do.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 17-Oct-17 07:05:21

Men like your oh are ten a penny. He's a cheat so why even bother?

DownTownAbbey Tue 17-Oct-17 07:29:59

Once you alter the way you see someone there's no way of 'unseeing'. It depends whether you like this more accurate vision of him. Personally I'd 'see' him as pretty ugly from now on.

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