Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does he still make a fuss?

(35 Posts)
user1499288566 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:08:06

Does your guy still make you feel special? Does he make you feel like you mean the world to him? Or after years of being together and child later does he treat you like your just there, part of the furniture.makes me sad when I look back

Nadinexo1 Tue 17-Oct-17 00:43:41

been together a while now, treats me like part of the furniture really. The only time I ever get affection is when he wants sex, other than that nothing.

Rescuepuppydaft2 Tue 17-Oct-17 01:05:53

I've been with my husband for fifteen years and I still get butterflies when he looks at me. We are still completely in love and even though we don't have sex as often as when we were first together, we are still tactile and affectionate. My husband tells me several times a day how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. (Which considering I was a size 10 and very pretty when we married and am now a sixteen and wheelchair bound is saying something).

We are so happy and in love, which honestly makes life worth living! I am just out if hospital having been in with a severe kidney infection which turned into septicemia and septic shock, and my husband has honestly been a pillar of strength for me. He and our children drove eighty miles to visit me every day and we hated being apart.

My dh has never treated me like a piece of furniture and I would be devastated if he did. Can you talk to your dh and explain how sad it makes you op?

ProseccoMamam Tue 17-Oct-17 01:14:42

Still treats me how he did when we first got together, when that changes the relationship will have ended. Not wasting my life on someone that doesn’t treat me how I deserve

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 17-Oct-17 01:18:25

There’s less of the window dressing of love. But we still behave lovingly and affectionately. ‘Part of the furniture’ wouldn’t be OK for either of us.

Why do you think it’s happening in your relationship?

Oldrockman Tue 17-Oct-17 01:30:15

After years and kids and tiredness I don't think we make as big of a fuss of each other as we did. Importantly we do little things or say things frequently enough that we hope we make the other feel wanted. It probably a lot to ask for the tornado of the first few years to last given all the things that can and do take time away from it and emotions do die down. If both are trying then neither should feel like part of the furniture, if only one gives a damn then it will make the other feel as nothing important like a sofa.

user1499288566 Tue 17-Oct-17 08:00:17

I still want that feeling of love and butterflies, but if I do it's rare and don't last long because I think it's just me that likes to talk about past and cute moment, he will just have joke replies to things , not so much in nasty way but just as a yeah yeah I remember but don't think about it kind of thing , sometimes iv heard a song on radio and it's been one of them that hardly ever plays, I will say how strange, do you remember playing this a lot and dancing together ? It never seems to mean as much to him , but I could sit there and fill up thinking of the romance the feel the look , I want that still .it was my 30th few weeks back, I never ask or push for stuff but I wanted effort for that , I had to pick my own gift alone and just let him pay for it , didn't get a card which in turn ment i didn't get one off my daughter because she only 4 , so it needed him to do that like I do for him, just ended up crying because he was vile and made me feel as special as a bad smell , gutted me bad expected more

user1499288566 Tue 17-Oct-17 20:29:47

Am I daft

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Tue 17-Oct-17 20:38:47

Neither of us make an effort. I couldn't be arsed anymore.

GlitterSparkles17 Tue 17-Oct-17 20:39:15

No your not daft, who wants to be treat like they don’t matter and aren’t special to the person they love? I’d be gutted if my DH treat me like that. Have you tried talking to him?

ohtheholidays Tue 17-Oct-17 20:48:44

I'm very lucky(although he always says that he's the lucky one)we've been together 12 years and we have 5DC(I had DC before we met he had none and we had our youngest together)I became seriously ill and disabled when our youngest was 1 but he still treats me like I'm the only woman in the world.

I still get butterflies when he looks into my eyes and neither of us want to stop once we start kissing.

We still make each other laugh and on top of looking after me he's always doing lovely little thoughtful things for me and I do the same for him,just yesterday I took my DH out for lunch at a lovely new Greek restaurant and today he came home with 2 bunches of flowers for me and arranged them into the vases for me(because I was feeling ill)and bought me some of my favourite sweets.

user1499288566 Tue 17-Oct-17 20:53:40

Sounds like you have found a good one hun , I did talk to him but it always gets pegged like I'm moaning or always have an issue etc, it did hurt me , even more so because it was a special bday

ohtheholidays Tue 17-Oct-17 21:00:18

Of course your not daft that's really sad.I'm sorry he didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated on your birthday flowers

If you don't feel you can talk to him about what's going on for your sake please do it for your DD,she will learn what her future relationships with a OH should look like by watching yours and your husbands relationship.

MyfatheristheKing Tue 17-Oct-17 21:09:20

You’re not daft at all sad he sounds as if he does kind of take you for granted a little. No effort being made. Have you spoke to him about it?

Me and DH have been together for ten years now. He drives me crazy but he would do anything for me. Just little things like he will set my foot spa up and then rub cream on my feet. I know a bit cheesey (not my feet!!) but he’s just showing me he cares. He will sometimes write me a little note and leave it on his pillow when he leaves for work and so on. I know he loves me even more now after ten years and three babies.

user1499288566 Wed 18-Oct-17 07:49:14

Sounds lovely, I don't know why he is like it , I brought up how this occasion made me feel but there was no real conclusion from it , and it's gone again now int it for another year, so it's just been put to bed .but even the gift from him I carnt really look at and think he picked that he chose that, because I did he just paid for it

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 18-Oct-17 09:25:30

My first XH treated me as though I was a domestic machine. So when I told him it was over, he behaved as though the washing machine had bitten him! How could it be over, he was perfectly happy!

So in my second marriage I made deliberate efforts to work at it, to keep the romance alive, to prevent us taking one another for granted. And he did all those little, caring things for me, we talked, kissed, we communicated non stop and I got butterflies when he came home, etc.

But he decided the relationship wasn't working, and he left. So, you take your chances, basically.

helhathnofury Wed 18-Oct-17 15:54:22

Hmmm, I've struggling with nausea and vomiting due to anxiety this last month - a by product of another ongoing health condition. Was in hospital for few hours yesterday for iv fluids - this morning he up and went to the gym as usual, leaving me nagging 3 Kids to get up and do school run. He's been doing 'meals' for the kids at night and keeps kitchen clean if nothing else, but definitely no gooey-eyed syndrome in this house.

user1499288566 Wed 18-Oct-17 21:57:20

When is it time to just walk away and say enough, things won't get better

helhathnofury Thu 19-Oct-17 07:02:25

If it isn't what you want from a relationship then it will eat away at you and build resentment. Get out before you have to depend on him to look after you, unless you think he could step up. Easy to say - not easy to do with kids involved.
On the other hand weigh up what is good about him, as if you find someone who makes a fuss they could be lacking elsewhere.

RickJames Thu 19-Oct-17 08:25:58

I left a long relationship aged 30 because of the Arctic Monkeys song 'fluorescent adolescent grin I heard it and the lyrics made me cry because I knew If I stayed with ex I'd never get any romance or hot shagging ever again. Thanks Arctic Monkeys wink

I picked better the next time smile
After 8 years we are still caring and enthusiastic and a bit naughty. We aren't flowers and cards romantic, more caring, talking and saving the others arse in a crisis. I'm not surprised you are getting pissed off, OP.

ToEarlyForDecorations Thu 19-Oct-17 09:47:17

We both awkwardly agreed that we've become part of the furniture to each other/take each other for granted. It's because of that, that we try harder to be good to each other. Well, I think anyway.

Daily texts saying I love you exchanged between us. A kiss when he gets home from work. He thanks me for cooking tea and will tidy up and wash up afterwards. Arms around each other or holding hands on the sofa of an evening. We regularly say, 'I love you' to each other. We shower together every day. His hand on my knee in an affectionate manner when I'm driving. He will kiss me goodnight every night without fail. He is always the first to turn over and give me a kiss in the morning. We cuddle for ten minutes in the morning before getting out of bed in the morning. I kiss him goodbye before he leaves for work.

Plenty of eye contact, talking, laughing (getting cross, frustrated, tutting and frowning etc !)

He always shaves and puts aftershave on Saturday and Sunday evening even though we are at home. I cook us a special meal on Saturday evening and a lovely roast dinner on Sunday evening, served with wine. My husband will, 'open the bar' in the evening at the weekend this is just a euphemism for making us both an alcoholic drink.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Thu 19-Oct-17 10:04:22

It's not too much to expect some thoughtfulness and caring. I've been with DP for 5 years and he tells me everyday how much he loves me, buys me gifts for no reason (even something as daft as taking me out to buy my favourite juice from Tescos or bring me over a McDonalds when he visits!)

I was feeling down yesterday as I don't have much money at the moment, and he said he wants to pick me up at lunchtime and take me out clothes shopping. It's not all about the money, but it helps when someone wants to do nice things for you.

He is also very affectionate, tells me I'm beautiful and is very passionate.

We don't live together which helps to keep things a bit fresh and keeps the domestic drudgery out of it a bit, but we do see each other 4/5 times a week.

You don't need to feel the butterflies necessarily, but a hug and a kiss every day and a gift on your 30th is not beyond the realms of expectation. Especially if you do the same for him.

You've spelled it out and he still doesn't get it, I'd be considering leaving OP, life it too short to feel like part of the furniture.

user1499288566 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:59:16

My fear is doing it, and having to see him move on in future, I worry I will regret and have to see that, that's my fear, but then so is carrying on this way, feeling unhappy unfulfilled

User36367292 Thu 19-Oct-17 21:39:23

Do you make much effort for him out of interest?

user1499288566 Thu 19-Oct-17 21:57:33

I try to plan things, and suggest things

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now