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How should a parent be a patent to their parent children? What is 'normal' because I don't know.....

(4 Posts)
cupcakesmakeyouhappy Mon 16-Oct-17 14:30:26

I have posted before about my now relationship with my parents and how they were absent growing up.
The post and messages helped me so so much, I really was thankful and it turned out, sadly, not alone. So many people struggle with their present relationship with parents after a troubled passed.
Anyway, I am trying not to be so emotionally available. It has gone unnoticed, not that I expected any different and I'm ok with that as I never expect my parents to change. The post was more about me moving forward.
I am just interested to know what a 'normal' relationship between adults and their parents should be?
I have my own view on a parent should be but obviously my dc's are still young. I also have my own view on how I will be as a parent (different to my sisters view) when they're parents themselves.
Interested to see what your views are as I wonder if I expect too much from my parents. Wondering what your parents bring to your life? Do they enhance it? Should they as we get older? What do they bring? What should they bring? Do they spend time eith their grandchildren? Should they?

tmc14 Mon 16-Oct-17 14:42:02

Hi cupcakes,
I have no expertise really, but just thought I’d share my point of view.
I love the relationship my in laws have with their two children (one being my DH). They are interested, love to see us, love to visit, adore their grandkids... BUT, most importantly (from my perspective) they have their own lives. They have hobbies & interests & commitments, take several holidays, just really have a full life that we are just a part of. I think this helps as if we’re not available for visiting, or get distracted with our own lives, or can’t accommodate them at any point, it’s fine because they have other things to fill their time. They make it clear we’re important and they want to be involved in our lives, but respect our boundaries & understand that our lives are separate.
Does that make sense? That’s just my view of course, people may well prefer another way of living but this sort of view really suits me!

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Mon 16-Oct-17 14:51:40

tmc14 hello smile
Sounds perfect, actually smile thankyou for posting.
I'm just wondering, when you say they show an interest in you and your dh and grandchildren. Just wondering how? I don't want to be nosey but wondering how they show that? How do they make you feel important in their busy lives?

tmc14 Mon 16-Oct-17 15:50:16

I don’t mind you asking :-)
We have a WhatsApp group, which is great for sharing photos of what people are up to without much effort from either side! We FaceTime (just 15 mins or so) once a week. We probably visit them once or twice a year and them us once or twice twice a year (we’re a 3 hour drive away). I think it doesn’t feel overbearing as we both initiate contact the same amount, we both respect the other person might be busy etc. But we fee wanted as they say how much they love seeing us, they ask after us all (specifics, remembering what we’re up to etc). I am very lucky with them (my ex-in laws were horrible, bullying people, luckily no kids from that relationship)

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