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Reluctance to divorce.

(4 Posts)
LittleBooInABox Mon 16-Oct-17 13:24:08

I've been with my DP about a year, he is still married to first wife. Making all the right noise about wanting to get divorced. Tells me he loves me, wants to be with me forever and have kids with me. Asked me to marry him about a month ago now, but still no ring. That's another issue.

My issue is that whenever I ask him how the divorce is going, it's the same story or update as the last time I asked. He doesn't seem to be able to do anything without pushing.

He says he needs to see a solicitor to discuss grounds, when it's pretty self explanatory, she was controlling and violent.

He had the perfect opportunity a few months ago to divorce her on domestic violence charges, when she hit him yet again. However he buried it, "for the sake of the kids" apparently .

Am I right to be suspicious that there is a reason he isn't actually doing anything about it?

He's talking the talk, but not walking the walking. Aibu, will he have to wait the full two years before divorcing her? Or can it be done earlier?

BitOutOfPractice Mon 16-Oct-17 13:26:30

He can divorce her any time he likes. He can cite unreasonable behaviour.

The only reason to wait two years is to cite that they've been living apart

In the circumstances you describe I would be wondering why he's not in a hurry to divorce her!

amistillsexy Mon 16-Oct-17 13:32:37

Could it be that he might feel some shame about being hit and controlled by his wife, and would rather not admit that this happened to strangers. Also, would he have to provide proof and go back through all their old arguments, etc? Maybe this would be very painful for him.

Could this be the reason he would rather wait 2 years and have a less stressful reason cited for the divorce.

Of course, this is only conjecture on my part, and I may be well off the mark, but if everything else seems good in your relationship, I'd certainly be opening up this line of discussion (carefully!).

Aquamarine1029 Mon 16-Oct-17 15:57:26

Words are cheap and you are getting strung along. It seems to me he is in no place to be in a serious relationship with you. How long would you be willing to let this nonsense continue? How much precious time do you want to invest in a man who says one thing yet does another?

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