Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I bin this friend?

(21 Posts)
Nonotmenori Mon 16-Oct-17 09:45:05

Not to drip feed, but it's long and I need to know if I'm being a mug as I'm not always the best judge and I'm very much a people pleaser who seems to pick the worst people as friends.

Last year whilst I was a rep I had a customer who's about 16 yrs older who I struck up a friendship with.

She invited me to her BBQ and I brought food and drink. Start time was 3pm no one turned up until 7pm and not one single person brought food or drink.

We went to carnival where I was to meet up with her (I came on my own) agreed time was 12. She turned up at 3. I was annoyed as I think it's really rude, but didn't let it spoilt my fun. She kept mentioning she had no money so I agreed to lend her 20. Later that evening she went to buy something and I saw a wad of notes in her purse. Didn't say anything at the time but thought it was odd taking money but then again I did offer.

I had to ask for the money back 2 months later which I find annoying as I shouldn't have to ask her for it back.

1st week of January she calls me up asking to lend her 100. I said I couldn't. She seemed very put out and got off the phone faster than bolt. My birthday was a week later she didn't even bother to text me or anything. Just ignored it.

May it's her birthday and she's banging on and on about how she needs money to buy a plane ticket. Like really hinting. So I mentioned how she never even messaged me for my birthday and she goes she will make it up to me whatever that means.
She had a BBQ again I bring food and drinks also a card with 20. I was there for about 6 hours again no one turned up until 7-8 when it started at 3. I wasn't feeling well so I left and came home.

Next day she's ringing me telling me how mad she was with me for leaving but thanks for the card. No mention of money. 2 days later she calls saying oh she doesn't don't realise I put money in her card it must have dropped out under her bed and she only just realised.

We arranged to go carnival again this year. This time I was adamant I wouldn't be hanging around on my own so I made it clear we meet at the agreed time. Night before she calls saying don't kill me my boss has asked me to work can you meet me at work then we can go. I say yes. So I leave to go there and I'm about 10 mins away she texts saying she now got to work even later. Can I meet her at 4 instead of one. By this time I'm not amused but I said no I'll meet you there. I'm sure you can imagine what happened next. She would text and say I'm here or I'm 20 mins away. Then we're at the other side of london after me walking for ages to get to them.She never did meet with me she was online but didn't reply to my texts.

So I enjoyed myself and met new people I get a call at midnight from her saying she's so sorry phone died.by this time I'm furious so said yeah yeah no worries. Not spoken to her since and she's now messaging me on FB asking for my number as she's lost it.

My guts telling me to bin her. I'm so annoyed she thinks acceptable to be hours late knowing well I'm waiting for her. My problem is I suffer from anxiety. I'm scared to stand up for myself I hate bad feeling and I will worry myself sick even when I, not in the wrong about being firm.

Fishface77 Mon 16-Oct-17 10:39:02

Just ignore, delete and block.

bellalou1234 Mon 16-Oct-17 10:41:09

She sounds a nightmare

Jellyheadbang Mon 16-Oct-17 10:42:58

She's a flake. Fuck her off. No time for games, lies and drama.

Cappuccinoloverr Mon 16-Oct-17 10:43:04

Sounds like a user.

Fade out of her life by making excuses not to see her/talk to her. L

KittyLover91 Mon 16-Oct-17 10:46:06

Bin her! You dont need someone like that in your life x

Sunnyx Mon 16-Oct-17 10:46:21

Get rid.

Theseaweed Mon 16-Oct-17 10:48:44

Your instincts are correct OP. For whatever reason this person is a user, unreliable and dishonest.
Ignore her, do not let her wriggle her way back into your life. You sound lovely and I hope you meet some new friends that treat you well and how you deserve. Be strong.

Nonotmenori Mon 16-Oct-17 11:32:32

Sorry some of that might not have made sense after reading it back.

Thanks for the replies. I feel so bad cutting her off. This is the thing I hate about myself. I don't like being mean to others even when they deserve it. I wish I could toughen up, but I don't know how.

I do realise I'm coming across as a child I assure you I'm in my mid 30's

TheSockGoblin Mon 16-Oct-17 11:39:31

Try to look at it not like you're being mean to her (and really..does any of her behaviour indicate she would give two shits about you cutting her off?!) but being nice to you.

Focus on doing something good for yourself - deciding not to put up with this bullshit any longer.

OkaakO Mon 16-Oct-17 11:51:27

Yes, bin her, she's a user and is often interested in her own needs being met.

She has shown you who she is multiple times. I think one of the things fully emotionally intelligent people (not there yet myself!) can do is move on much quicker from people like this. I've reduced my evidence need from about 30 times down to 10 but more work needed! I feel/felt guilt to with moving on but what helped me recently was an American chat show. The main essence was to view new friendships as you would dating - you wouldn't continue dating someone who showed you this little respect would you? It is ok to move on and to practise doing it more quickly as time goes on.

OkaakO Mon 16-Oct-17 11:52:08

often = only

Theseaweed Mon 16-Oct-17 12:18:49

But it's okay to be mean to yourself?

You're not being mean you are removing yourself from a situation. That is bothering you. Imagine you are hearing the same story from someone you care about, Mum, sister, friend, what would you advise them to do?

ShatnersWig Mon 16-Oct-17 12:51:24

She's a chancer and you're a mug if you don't bin her off right now. How has it taken this long for you to realise all this?

Nonotmenori Mon 16-Oct-17 13:11:25

I don't know why It's taken me so long. I try to see the best in everyone and block the bad out. This year I've really tried to change my life so I've stayed away from men and really worked on myself. Now it's time to get rid of the bad friends and then it's my weight. I've blocked her and her friend from FB what's app and their phone numbers.

BaconAndBees Mon 16-Oct-17 14:03:50

Well done - keep it up!

Andylion Mon 16-Oct-17 15:56:30

* My problem is I suffer from anxiety. I'm scared to stand up for myself*

Friendships have their ups and downs, but you really shouldn't have to stand up for yourself to a friend. You are better off without her.

Gemini69 Mon 16-Oct-17 16:10:00

D I T C H flowers

Joysmum Mon 16-Oct-17 16:10:28

I can't understand why you'd feel the need to ask? Bin her but also use this as a wake up call to work on why your own expectations of people are so low.

Thinkingofausername1 Mon 16-Oct-17 20:47:05

User. I stopped talking to a friend like this and my life has been so much better. I would never lend her money though.

Nonotmenori Mon 16-Oct-17 21:12:58

Thanks some food for thought. Here's hoping she doesn't stalk me. I reckon I'll get a withheld call at some point lucky I don't answer those .

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now