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Partner seeing escorts the past 18 months

(20 Posts)
Courts1988 Mon 16-Oct-17 01:54:31

I’ve recently found out my fiancé has been seeing escorts for the past18 months. All through our engagement and my pregnancy with his son. He says it was only massage with happy endings and one blow job. Since I found out it’s been nothing but lies until I kept digging and finding it out for myself. I’m pretty sure it went further than just what he says. Please help me. I’m like st and broken

SydBound27 Mon 16-Oct-17 01:58:09

That is awful I'm so sorry for you. He sounds like bad news and even if it was "only" what he has admitted that's still not okay. Perhaps suggest couples counseling but if he doesn't agree I'd end the relationship. Hopefully he can prioritise you and your son over whatever nonsense he's been up to. Good luck.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 16-Oct-17 02:08:24

What do you need help with? You know you need to leave him.

Courts1988 Mon 16-Oct-17 02:20:50

I know, having two kids makes it so hard. I can never trust him. The last time he went I was actually in hospital having a miscarriage removed.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 16-Oct-17 02:23:25

only ?!? What the fucking fuck, what planet is he on?!

I could never ever respect him again after he’d paid for any sexual favour whatsoever. Total game over for me.

user21 Mon 16-Oct-17 02:41:36

This must be awful for you 💐

You do need to leave him. I'm sorry but it's the only way forward. Don't let him minimise or talk you around x

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 16-Oct-17 02:50:40

1. He thinks women's bodies and consent can be bought.
2. He has lied
3. He went when you were having a miscarriage
4. He took your right to choose away, including your right to have children with someone who wasn't buying women
5. They've always done more than they say
6. He endangered your health

Are you really considering staying?

Maddiemademe Mon 16-Oct-17 07:18:00

I am afraid he would have definitely not just had a massage. When I worked as an escort I think I only have one massage ever and that was before full sex. In fact, after escorting for years I can hand on hear say there was only 1 client who only wished to have a bj as he preferred it to full sex.

So sorry you are experiencing this but don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth flowers

DownTownAbbey Mon 16-Oct-17 07:25:32

Only? Only?!?? Putting the word 'only' in front of something doesn't make it all fine. 'I only cheated on my DW for 18 months whilst she went through pregnancy and miscarriage'. 'I only paid for sex with money I could have spent on my family'.

Shoxfordian Mon 16-Oct-17 07:26:52

He went whilst you were in hospital with a miscarriage?! Wow. Please don't even consider marrying him anymore and tell him to leave.

TheNaze73 Mon 16-Oct-17 07:50:39

Whatever his reasons, you need to end this relationship. He doesn’t give a toss about you

yogagirl22 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:43:01

I am so sorry you are going through this painful and confusing time you are in shock understandably and clearly traumatised flowers.
I have been going through the same ordeal for 3 years until I finally left 2 weeks ago and house is up for sale and I will divorce him once I get money from house. I am afraid I fell into the trap of believing he will change and him minimising his actions. However this was the tip of the iceberg and suffice it to say I coukd write a book on the reality of what I now know he really did the whole way through our 12 year marraige and relationship. I made excuses and tried to save him but finally realised nothing would work. I should have got out years ago I regret that. In the meantime I lost my confidence self esteem career and health. His selfish lifestyle reduced me to a shell as I made it a focus of my life. The porn online women massage parlours chipped away until it became my normal. Run run run do mot make the mistake I did I have lost a great deal and it will take years to recover from this. He is now spiralling drinking and whoring going to football and carrying on regardless as though I was a item of rubbish.
You know you and your family deserve better. He will not change. Recovery fot this is 5 percent. It has probably bern going on before you met him. He probably thought s real woman like you could cure him. Dont be a respectable screen for his true values
. Google recovery nation a free site for people who are going through this. Please focus on yourself. You sound young and kind dont end up like me. X

Courts1988 Mon 16-Oct-17 23:45:55

Thank you everyone, yeah I’m not considering staying it’s more that it’s a long process of moving and splitting with our children. Yeah pretty gutted. All wedding deposits have been refunded thank god!

GracielaSabrocita Mon 16-Oct-17 23:54:53

He says it was only massage with happy endings and one blow job.

Ummm . . .

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 17-Oct-17 00:02:41

It is heart breaking. Sorry.

Courts1988 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:17:35

Yeah I know how that sounds, I’m writing it the exact way it was told to me. I’m not down playing anything.

aftertheevent Tue 17-Oct-17 23:12:29

Remember this isn't about you. its him. He would have done this to anyone. I found out similar but had been going on at least 10 years. To everyone else he presented as a good guy.
Just like yours he said it was only this or only that. When I looked at bank history it was far from that.
They usually aren't even that remorseful as they really believe they are entitled.
LTB for your sake and start your recovery. You will survive this.

aftertheevent Tue 17-Oct-17 23:15:06

he has obviously made his hobby his priority. Don't even try to understand it. Run for the hills. Thank god you found out now and not in 20 years time.
Don't waste your life on him.

Mustang27 Tue 17-Oct-17 23:36:33

Please go and get tested. I highly doubt it was just massages with happy endings hmm, just?!? what a twat he is.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

GirlInASwirl Wed 18-Oct-17 06:03:15

How awful. You deserve better. Thank goodness you found before getting married. I would start making plans without him- see how that feels for your son and you.

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