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Mother in law issues. Who does not have it?

(107 Posts)
Nadiff Sun 15-Oct-17 22:52:06

Hi everyone. Its my first time here.. So i was having problems with my MIL. We dont get along very well. We dont hate eachother but personally i find her extremely overbearing. So i thought I'll look up the internet for some advice or read stories of DILS in similar situation. What i found, dumbfounded me. Hundreds of websites and blogs and forum over how women hate their mils. Or MILS hate their Dils. Its a nightmare out there where in most cases the mother eventually ends up loosing her son. And no consideration is given to the fact that the DIL might be wrong as well. Now, after reading all that, I am wondering if there is anyone, anyone at all who get along with their inlaws. Im not asking for pure love, but managing a civil polite relationship would do. All i read was how DILS got offended and had their husbands give their mums a bashing. Is it really like this? Even if i dont like seeing my MIL , i would never stop my husband or my kids from seeing her or cause a fight between them. Shes his mum!!. Ive asked a lot of questions in one post but im really for thoughts and experiences over what do you do with your Mil when you dont get along with her and does anyone ever get along with her at all!!
Thanks for reading.

minipie Sun 15-Oct-17 22:54:01

Well people who get on with their MILs tend not to post on blogs or forums about it because they don't have a problem confused.

I get on well with my MIL.

HirplesWithHaggis Sun 15-Oct-17 22:56:02

I've had the same MIL for over 30 years and we still speak. grin OK, we're not incredibly close but we tolerate each other well enough.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Sun 15-Oct-17 22:57:03

I can't really help with my own MIL because she died on our wedding day, and I got on quite well with her beforehand but we weren't close. But my DH has assimilated so seamlessly into my own family that he doesn't see my parents as in laws but as friends. I don't know if there is a different dynamic there with him being a son in law rather than daughter in law. But it is possible to be close to your in laws, even if there are lots of examples of the opposite- remember, if there is nothing to complain about then it is unlikely someone will start a thread about how much they appreciate their MIL, it's only where there's a problem that people will start threads to seek advice.

PurpleWithRed Sun 15-Oct-17 22:57:51

What Mini said - you only hear about the bad stuff, those of us who have a normal adult relationship with our MIL/DIL don’t have anything very interesting to say.

I get on really well with MIL. And DH gets on really well with my mum.

MrsPestilence Sun 15-Oct-17 23:01:02

My MiL is fairly normal, occasionally she is a pain in the arse and sometimes she is lovely. She raised the man I chose to marry, I respect her. Like Hirples we tolerate each other well enough.

nobutreally Sun 15-Oct-17 23:03:36

If you look on here there are also regular threads about nice MILs/good relationships. I get on well with my mil. She does stuff that annoys me, but not as much as my mum does. She's respectful of our parenting choices (to our faces at least!) and has a good relationship with dh. I have taken her out on girls nights, and go shopping with her at Christmas. We are very different people, but I respect and like her, and hope that is mutual.

AddictedToSausageRolls Sun 15-Oct-17 23:06:46

I really get on well with my MIL (FIL is a different matter - and yes they are together confused). I love spending time with her - her and my DH have the same wicked sense of humour and that really helps. We don’t live in the same country but even when we stay with them/they stay with us for weeks we never have issues.

DramaAlpaca Sun 15-Oct-17 23:09:45

I got on quite well with my MIL, despite us being very different. She is no longer with us and I miss her. She raised DH well & for that I am grateful.

dramallamakarma Sun 15-Oct-17 23:22:09

Does step MIL count? I completely understand why FIL left his first wife!

PNGirl Sun 15-Oct-17 23:28:08

I like my MiL. DH likes my mum. Our mums and dads bonded over our wedding and now go on holiday together every year. See? Would be a boring thread.

DustyMaiden Sun 15-Oct-17 23:30:05

I loved my MIL, she loved me. Sadly she is no longer with us. I have a lovely relationship with mi Sils.

Kintan Sun 15-Oct-17 23:30:55

I am very close to mine; she is a brilliant MiL and grandmother. I agree with the pp who said people only rant about bad times with their in-laws on internet forums!

littlemissglittersparkles Sun 15-Oct-17 23:32:44

My MIL chose to stay with a paedophile and lost her only child and DGC. She is an oxygen thief

annandale Sun 15-Oct-17 23:34:17

I love my MIL dearly, we have had our moments but usually when I have had a bee in my bonnet about something or other. I know that she fundamentally thinks well of me because I took on her son which is no walk in the park and the occasional mis-step is not worth worrying about.

I'll be honest, things have been quite a bit easier since she seems to be in the very early stages of dementia. At this stage it mostly seems to have allowed her to live in the present a bit more and not worry about the future so much. Previously she was always worrying about us all constantly and therefore trying out bright ideas to help us, which usually did feel a bit interfering.

GrockleBocs Sun 15-Oct-17 23:37:12

Mine's fine.

RedBlackberries Sun 15-Oct-17 23:38:25

I don't have much to do with my mother in law. She doesn't really keep in touch and it doesn't bother me or dh. It used to piss me off that it seemed she didn't care we had a dd but actually after reading about mil on here I think an uninterested one is better than an interfering one grin

MsPavlichenko Sun 15-Oct-17 23:39:11

I loved my late DMIL. She was a best friend, and a huge support even after I left her DS. I miss her every day, almost as much as I do my late DM. They were great pals too.

Longdistance Sun 15-Oct-17 23:39:31

I'm a rare diamond, I get along with mil 😱 In fact I quite like her.

She's willing to have dd's anytime, and has had them half terms when I've had to work. We go up to her to visit her, even though she lives 4 hours away, and stay for about 5 days at a time. No Dh about.

She is goid, but occasionally she has some funny ideas about things, and runs them past me now.

I do love her blush

redexpat Sun 15-Oct-17 23:39:50

Mine is the reason i didnt divorce dh earlier this year. Sge really is the most wonderful woman you will ever meet.

redexpat Sun 15-Oct-17 23:40:53

Alrhough when dh and i were in counseling the counselor loked v surprised when I said this.

SipsiCat Sun 15-Oct-17 23:42:42

I really like my mil, we have a good laugh together.

Teabagtits Sun 15-Oct-17 23:44:50

Having never been married I’ve never technically had a MIL but I’ve been in two relationships of 10+ years each. My ex’s mum was lovely and I loved her like she was my own mother. Sadly she passed away a couple of years before we split. I was really spoiled having her as a MIL and naively assumes any future mil would be the same. When I first met my current mil I was already pregnant. She quizzed me on what job I was going to do after having the baby (no mention of how her son was going to support his family but how was I going to look after her son) and she proceeded to put me down and make me feel worthless. This is a technique she has continued to employ ever since, although I no longer give her the power to make me feel bad. I’ve been reading about narcissist mothers and she fits perfectly into that description. I think hate is too strong a word but I really don’t like her and I pity her. I’d love to rant about her more but fear her behaviours are so specific it would be identifiable

FinnegansCake Sun 15-Oct-17 23:49:39

I got on well with my MIL in spite of some massive cultural differences. If she made suggestions regarding child-rearing that were at odds with my own ideas, I just smiled and thanked her for the advice but continued to do things my own way. We never fell out in the twenty years I knew her, we often had a good laugh together, and she told me how she enjoyed staying with us more than with anyone else.
She died many years ago, but I still think of her with great affection and miss her.

OrangeJulius Sun 15-Oct-17 23:52:03

My MIL (and FIL) are great. They always try to be respectful and helpful, and DH and I really appreciate them.

I get along with my own parents less well.

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