Why is it a secret? Is it very soon since you split with exH? You sound like you need to try and chill, now you have kids and an ex it's more complicated.. and it will be like that with any bloke. But maybe he wants something more casual than you?
Bf of 7 months. Was supposed to be OLD to play the field after a 20 year relationship. But he was great in bed , and then turned out to be a bit of a sweetheart. And he loves me too. But he’s a secret in so much as our dc don’t know. Mine are younger his teenagers/grown up. We’ve talked round the edges about it but I’m sooooo scared. I feel the pressure to know it’s going to work so I don’t traumatise my dc who’ve had enough thrown at them by their father.
Have you said the L word yet? Do you feel it? I think this is the crux of it.
I do know what you mean, that life becomes two alternating scenarios, you & the kids, then you & your bf, in a lovely bubble.... welcome to the compartmentalised world of a single parent in a relationship! I gotta warn you you'll need to play the long game because if it's gonna work it's gonna unfold slowwwwwwly, so you have got to find some way to pace yourself! If you feel like you're in 'mourning' every time he goes perhaps it's a bit intense? Like all your happiness is in that one compartment?
I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. I think it’s totally confusing having to compartmentalise. It’s not a good life to live when the people you love are unaware of the other people you love. I remember joking with my friends that bf might just be a figment of my imagination. That I might’ve gone completely nuts with all the shit stbxh has thrown at me.