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Talk to me about departure; mourning; the future.....

(19 Posts)
IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 18:48:36

Been seeing someone for 6m. I’ve flipped a few times when we are apart. WhatsApp is a shitty thing.

How do you deal with the knowing you won’t see them until we ‘can’? Life gets in the way - hey? I have an ex DH with 2 kiddos. This has been a secret for soooo long I am querying whether it can work.

Aminuts23 Sun 15-Oct-17 18:53:38

What? I don’t understand what you mean?

Lagerthaisfabulous Sun 15-Oct-17 19:05:00

In 6 months you have flipped a few times?

I would suggest this relationship isnt working, if thats the case.

Tilapia Sun 15-Oct-17 19:06:53

Why does it have to be a secret?

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 15-Oct-17 19:08:33

You are making no sense.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 15-Oct-17 19:14:45

Say what now OP?

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 19:23:34

A secret until I am divorced- but I’m tired. It’s all ‘great’ but I’m exhausted is all, I guess.
It’s the unknowing. Whether it will pan out ok. Anyone been here? Worth the investment?

HipsterAssassin Sun 15-Oct-17 19:26:43

Why is it a secret? Is it very soon since you split with exH? You sound like you need to try and chill, now you have kids and an ex it's more complicated.. and it will be like that with any bloke. But maybe he wants something more casual than you?

HipsterAssassin Sun 15-Oct-17 19:29:31

How can any of us know if it will pan out?

Praps if it's like this you're not ready for a relationship yet?

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 19:32:34

Yeah Hipster.
It’s v odd. He left earlier. Got my kids back from ex. But I feel like it’s a mourning every departure.
It hurts like hell.
I dunno..
Was hoping for tips 🙄

onitlikeacarbonnet Sun 15-Oct-17 19:51:40

Are you me IronNeonClasp?

Bf of 7 months. Was supposed to be OLD to play the field after a 20 year relationship.
But he was great in bed blush, and then turned out to be a bit of a sweetheart.
And he loves me too.
But he’s a secret in so much as our dc don’t know. Mine are younger his teenagers/grown up.
We’ve talked round the edges about it but I’m sooooo scared. I feel the pressure to know it’s going to work so I don’t traumatise my dc who’ve had enough thrown at them by their father.

Have you said the L word yet?
Do you feel it? I think this is the crux of it.

HipsterAssassin Sun 15-Oct-17 20:02:57

I do know what you mean, that life becomes two alternating scenarios, you & the kids, then you & your bf, in a lovely bubble.... welcome to the compartmentalised world of a single parent in a relationship!
I gotta warn you you'll need to play the long game because if it's gonna work it's gonna unfold slowwwwwwly, so you have got to find some way to pace yourself! If you feel like you're in 'mourning' every time he goes perhaps it's a bit intense? Like all your happiness is in that one compartment?

WitchesHatRim Sun 15-Oct-17 20:08:30

Well if you are filling out financial forms for your divorce I believe you have to say whether or not you are in a relationship.

Not sure it has to be this huge great secret. Doesn't seem the best way to start a relationship imo.

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 20:32:39

Thanks witchesconfused

Onnit- the L word was said couple of months ago.
Hipster compartmentalised love that word.

I dunno. I always feel ‘meh’ when he leaves. Like I should knock on head.

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 20:34:33

Thanks Onnit too 😁

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 22:32:57

Further thoughts.

IronNeonClasp Sun 15-Oct-17 22:41:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleandBeast Sun 15-Oct-17 22:48:37

You need to get a grip. On one hand you say

I always feel 'meh' when he leaves. Like I should knock on head.

and

But I feel like it’s a mourning every departure.
It hurts like hell.
I dunno..

and

I’ve flipped a few times when we are apart. WhatsApp is a shitty thing.

What is going on?

onitlikeacarbonnet Mon 16-Oct-17 08:33:07

I don’t think you need to get a grip at all. I think it’s totally confusing having to compartmentalise.
It’s not a good life to live when the people you love are unaware of the other people you love.
I remember joking with my friends that bf might just be a figment of my imagination. That I might’ve gone completely nuts with all the shit stbxh has thrown at me.

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