Hi all
I've been with my H for 10 years, married for 7 and have 2 young children.
2.5 years ago I discovered that my H had cheated on a works conference. He claims they just kissed - do I believe this? Not sure but to me, cheating is cheating. I then found out I was pregnant - this was a planned and wanted pregnancy and I must have been just weeks when H cheated as neither of us were aware at the time.
Because I was pregnant, we decided to carry on but never really worked through what had happened, it just got swept under the carpet as I was so poorly with pregnancy.
Then I had my youngest and all seemed to be going well but H worked far away and was up at 4.30am meaning I did all the night feeds, looked after both children, house etc on 3 - 4hrs broken sleep per night and my baby was such a poor sleeper and still is. This went on for approx a year then he got a job working from home but travel became a part of his job.
I started to resent him because he would often be away getting full uninterrupted nights sleep, dinner in peace, etc. Whilst I was at home, no sleep, 2 kids, a VERY demanding 1yr old -you get the picture.
I wanted to work but we have no support network to help and with H working away, I couldn't rely on him being around to help with any school runs so working isn't really an option - again something else I resent him for.
Fast forward to July and I found out I was pregnant which was very much unplanned and a shock. We were using contraception and neither of us wanted another child.
We both decided a termination was the best thing for us, and I booked it and went ahead with it. However the whole time I was pregnant (8 weeks) I suffered terribly with sickness as per my first 2 children and H didn't support me much and he didn't mention the termination whilst I was waiting for the date.
To me I was going over and over things in my head, suffering with the sickness and tiredness and he was just carrying on like normal and nothing affected him.
The morning of the termination, I got up to get ready and he just stayed in bed and didn't so much as ask me how I was doing or feeling.
The days that followed it wasn't really talked about and that was 6 weeks ago now.
We don't kiss each other goodnight, or goodbye when the other leaves the house, I've asked him to consider having a vasectomy as I really can't go through all that again and he has point blank refused (I was on the pill for many years and had 2 horrendous pregnancies and a traumatic birth with 2nd child and almost died)
I've told him I don't want to have sex until we sort something out and his response "that's fine I've got babestation"
He is a great Dad to the 2 boys but as a husband I feel he isn't that great.
We argue about stupid things and always have done.
He lies about things - some big some little and I don't trust him completely (yes i know, thats not good on my part)
He can be a very frustrating man to be with but he is the father of my children and I feel so bad if I think of them with separated parents as my eldest is Daddy's best friend and idolises him.
I do think this all stems from never really talking about what happened when he cheated and from then on in, its just been one thing after another.
If it wasn't for the children then I would have left by now but I feel I owe it to them to try everything I can. At the moment he just irritates me and I when he is going away for work I feel relieved but I understand this can't go on and I need to do something either way but I don't know what?!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Should I try to work through this
6 replies
inarightpickle123 · 15/10/2017 08:00
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.