Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

It's very complicated with kids involved isn't it?

(21 Posts)
blubberball Sun 15-Oct-17 06:07:08

I had a bad day yesterday. I just wanted to feel safe and relieved by the end of the day. Instead I got anger, blame and rejection. DH is Very cold to me, won't hug or kiss me, keeps telling me to just go. I want to just go somewhere, even though I really have no where to go. Both of our dc have issues and sn. So I really don't want to fuck up their lives any more. I just don't know what to do.

moomookachu Sun 15-Oct-17 06:15:39

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through such a rubbish time flowershugsflowers

I’m going through a similar hard time with my husband at the moment and he’s messing with my head too.

Easier said than done but try to let him be a give him space, and focus on looking after you and your children.

Sorry I haven’t got any other advice xx

blubberball Sun 15-Oct-17 06:21:49

It's funny, I just replied to your thread too. smile

blubberball Sun 15-Oct-17 06:23:37

I have had depression too. Counseling is probably a good idea.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 15-Oct-17 06:39:32

Was he always like this?

He sounds overwhelmed if the “just go” is in relation to you struggling to cope. Dh has been the same about me. I’m the chronically ill one though and it’s me not coping with looking after dd. I should just go out, check myself into a hotel. Noooo I just want to go to bed.

blubberball Sun 15-Oct-17 09:29:18

I feel you mummyoflittledragon. He can't really cope. He's never been terribly helpful tbh. He does what he feels like doing, and no more than that. He thinks that I should do the same, but I'm always thinking of other people. Our take our ds to all of his appointments and activities for his benefit. Of course I don't feel like doing it, but I do it any way. DH always says I do too much, but he definitely doesn't want to muck in and help.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 15-Oct-17 19:04:48

Thanks. My dh is a lot better now. In fact quite the opposite a lot of the time. It took lots of texts and emails to get him listening though.

What would happen if you went out for the day?

honeylulu Sun 15-Oct-17 19:07:57

What does he mean by "just go"? Does he want you to leave the house/marriage? (With or without the children?)
Our does he mean he wants you to go out and give him some space?

blubberball Thu 14-Dec-17 06:14:22

I'm here again. I didn't realise that I was here in this place so recently. He wants us to "just go" again. Forever? I don't know. He's very cold again. Won't look at me. I've texted my mum to go and stay with her for a few days. I just don't know what to do. He's fed up with me being ill. As if I can help it. He says that it's my fault that I'm ill. I don't really understand how that works? Feeling so sad right now.

LesisMiserable Thu 14-Dec-17 06:41:06

Do he tell you to just go in answer to you saying you are going to/threatening it? If so its time to make the break if you've both reached ultimatum time.

blubberball Thu 14-Dec-17 06:46:07

No, he says that I don't appreciate him, so I should just go. I'm ill at the moment. He's fed up with having to do things that I used to do before I got ill. He says that he can take care of himself, and he doesn't want to take care of me.

justme93 Thu 14-Dec-17 06:48:54

Hang on, is he suggesting you go and leave the kids? Or go and take the kids? Either way.. if he's the one with the issue stand tour ground and tell him to buzz off!!

Dozer Thu 14-Dec-17 06:53:21

Are the DC your DC together, or do you have a “blended family”?

If he wants “space” he should be the one to go away.

Is he abusive? Sulking/ignoring you.

Suggest counselling, alone, and couple’s counselling with someone BACP qualified, unless your H is emotionally abusive, in which case couple’s counselliing isn’t a good idea.

blubberball Thu 14-Dec-17 06:54:06

I did tell him that I thought that he was kind of a horrible person. He kept talking to me about a TV show where people die in stupid ways. I guess that we just don't quite have the same sense of humour, but I don't find people dying very funny. Every story he was telling me, I was saying That's horrible.

Also, he hates it when any one asks him for a lift any where. I don't bother any more, and walk or get the bus. His mum messaged asking for a lift the other day, and I felt awful having to say no sorry, he doesn't want to.

I was talking to him about this, and he stormed out of the bedroom. He came back still moody hours later, with his back to me, telling me to just go away.

I said Sorry for saying he was a horrible person. He said that he's sick of me saying sorry, and it means nothing to him. He said that he's sick of having to go to the shops, and pick up dc from school. I take them in the mornings, and do my fair share of house work. I just can't drive at the moment.

ChevalierTialys Thu 14-Dec-17 06:55:16

I hooe hes not suggesting you should take the kids and leave. If anyone should leave the family home it should be the one who doesn't want to look after them ie him

blubberball Thu 14-Dec-17 06:57:18

No, our DC are both of ours. I said that if I go, and he won't pick up the DC from school any more, then I'll have to take them with me. He said fine. He needs a break. I just feel horrible.

blubberball Thu 14-Dec-17 07:06:12

Just feeling a bit sick now. I suppose we do take each other for granted.

NotTheFordType Thu 14-Dec-17 07:07:01

So basically he's pissed off because he's being asked to step and parent his own children?

Wow, what a cuntless fucknugget. I know it's hard right now but you and your DC are going to be so much better off without him.

justme93 Thu 14-Dec-17 07:09:29

He needs a break.. tell him to leave simple!

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 14-Dec-17 07:23:49

HE takes you for granted. Its not you, its him and he should be the one who leaves here as he feels like this.

I would seek legal advice asap. He brings nothing positive into your lives.

Dozer Thu 14-Dec-17 07:54:21

Don’t go with the DC: if he wants a break, he goes, and must continue to fulfil his basic parenting responsibilities like school runs!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: