Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Has anyone split amicably?

(18 Posts)
hotbathsdontmeltfat Sat 14-Oct-17 16:33:58

Separated today, been unhappy for years,
I pushed for it and he is accepting at the moment, really hoping we can stay friends as we have 5 DC’s
Did anyone manage it? Any success stories?

Yesyesyesyeswhatever Sat 14-Oct-17 16:37:50

We split up last year and now both have new partners. It was amicable and we are friendly. We have one DS. If there have been no major problems in the marriage, like abuse, and if you're both reasonable, nice people who put DC first, it's perfectly possible.

Boredboredboredboredbored Sat 14-Oct-17 16:38:44

Yes ish.... we are 15 months post separation. Very mutual and amicable split with 2 dc 14 & 13. He's just met somebody now and it's completely changed the dynamics of our relationship. The past 13 months were fine as there was still the 4 of us but now it feels different. I've just started relate as I can feel the resentment building and I don't want us to end up not talking. It'll be fine I'm sure once the dust has settled.

hotbathsdontmeltfat Sat 14-Oct-17 16:40:35

Thanks for replying, yes I can imagine it might be different if/when he meets someone
I feel guilty but I had to stop it. I keep getting bubbles of elation filled by a sick dread

hotbathsdontmeltfat Sat 14-Oct-17 16:41:53

Sorry typo * followed by

scottishdiem Sat 14-Oct-17 18:58:36

As long as you accept he is not a husband-at-a-distance and accept that he is entitled to live a life separate from you and build child contact/financial support on that basis you can try it.

Smeaton Sat 14-Oct-17 19:03:04

I split from dds mum a few months ago. Important to remember life is better apart than together and why they now get up too is no reflection on you or no business of yours.

We've both moved on to better things and pastures new.

meowimacat Sat 14-Oct-17 20:06:04

Yes I would say we are amicable for the most part- 6 months since split. There are days where he will try to start an argument over something. I think you just need to be aware how you react on your side with everything that may happen.
There are going to be ups and downs, my ex was accepting at first and then went through emotions of anger, depression etc. and took it out on me. I know in time we will be okay, I obviously will always care for him but we just couldn't be together any longer.

Lilifer Sun 15-Oct-17 17:07:35

HI OP I am following your thread with interest as I also have 5 dc and have asked my dh for a separation. He does not want to separate so I see a difficult time ahead

DENMAN03 Sun 15-Oct-17 17:14:53

I split from my husband 7 years ago. No kids and just grew apart. We remain very good friends to this day and still go on holiday together with my sister and her husband. It can totally work but I guess it's unusual.

hotbathsdontmeltfat Tue 17-Oct-17 05:59:39

I hope so much that we have the end result where he pops in whenever he feels like it, better for the kids too I think, I do have a lot of love for him, and I worry about him but I just can’t co exist with him anymore, it’s soul destroying

bullyingadvice2017 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:06:00

We are trying to split amicably at the moment. Dh has applied for a mortgage to buy me out. me and the kids will sort a house when the money comes thru in a couple of months. He is sleeping in the spare room and has been for about a month.

Sadik Thu 19-Oct-17 19:16:41

Yes, we were together 25 years then split 18 months ago following an EA (on his part), he now lives with the OW. We still run a business together and co-parent our dc.
Truthfully - it's been hard. But whenever I felt like going postal, I just thought really, really long & hard about whether I wanted (a) to fuck things up for dc, and (b) to be unemployed. I also spent (still do on occasion) a lot of time counting all the things that are better about NOT living with him. I think it helped that we went through over a year of counselling together before finally splitting up.

Rainbowglow Thu 19-Oct-17 19:27:20

Yes. Long story but there was no future and the marriage was dead. 2 kids. It was hard but we have a good relationship..

hotbathsdontmeltfat Fri 20-Oct-17 07:34:05

Thank you for your replies, they made me feel more hopeful.

beingsunny Fri 20-Oct-17 08:34:02

Yes yes!
My husband and I seperate just more than two years ago, initiated by me.
We had a 3yo at the time he’s now five, it was a bit bumpy at the start, but we are actually great friends now, both have new partners and can appreciate that we were not good for one another but still value the 12 years we were together.

You need to have mutual respect for one another, some give and take when it’s hard, and remember that you loved each other completely a time ago.

We initially spent a lot of tome together, mainly for DS but probably for each other too, we still did family dinners and play in the park a couple
Of times a week, eventually he asked to pull back on this when he met his current partner and that was again an adjustment but it was gradual, not without upset but knowing we both wanted to make it work well made it ok.

Maybe talk about what you want co parenting to look like?

Sarahh2014 Fri 20-Oct-17 08:54:46

Split amicably at first I even stayed in the same house for 4 months while I looked for elsewhere to live then it got nasty about money I wish we could have stayed civil but it wasn't to be

hotbathsdontmeltfat Fri 20-Oct-17 20:30:19

Beingsunny your situation is what I hope for, him coming round for Xmas for example, and I really hope he meets someone else one day who is more suited to him, for my part, I really do not want to pander or accommodate another male in my life again EVER!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now