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Frozen out by a mum friend

(20 Posts)
momdidit Fri 13-Oct-17 09:37:57

Feel very upset today, I had a friend since dc were young, our dcs were similar aged. The friend would have been much more affluent than me & is highly educated.. We had similar views on somethings however I always felt she tried to put down my dc...
Anyways we maintained contact, one of my dcs is very intelligent & is excelling in an activity her dc does & since then she has blanked me & has bad mouthed me to other acquaintances. I know this as they have suddenly given me a wide berth rather than chat to me on the school run... I sent her a couple of messages which she has ignored, I know I should forget it but the whole situation has really affected my already low self esteem & I can't figure out why she would do this..

Trying2bgd Fri 13-Oct-17 09:51:44

flowers

She clearly isn't a nice person and is put out that your dc would dare to excel at something that her dc do! And its sad that others would be influenced by her, we are adults! I would just carry on as normal and no longer bother with this person.

momdidit Fri 13-Oct-17 09:55:48

Appreciate the reply trying, I hate any type of conflict. She has made me feel like I have done something wrong & to avoid me & avoid replying to me is just childish... Why do mums behave like they are on the schoolyard... Not too concerned about my dc's friendship with hers, my dc liked my friends kids but always sensed she didn't like them if that makes sense!

kissmethere Fri 13-Oct-17 09:56:40

She's obviously put out that your child is excelling and sadly there are people like here out there. Instead if being happy for you she'd rather be spiteful. Very immature and you should cut your losses. Who needs someone like that in their life flowers

momdidit Fri 13-Oct-17 10:08:52

That is probably part of it, her dc can do know wrong but she is very quick to put mine down every opportunity... It's hurtful especially when I know I'm not in the wrong...

TheFaerieQueene Fri 13-Oct-17 10:17:33

SHe is a bitch. If I was you I would be glad that I didn’t have to listen to her berate my children anymore. It sounds like a positive outcome for you OP.

Emmageddon Fri 13-Oct-17 10:23:20

Look on this as a positive outcome. You and your DC don't need a toxic person like her around. She doesn't sound like a particularly nice person, and if anyone has low self-esteem, it's her.

Draw a line under this now, and find some different friends. She's not worth wasting any more of your time.

momdidit Fri 13-Oct-17 10:24:17

Yes Faerie, knew deep down but it is better getting confirmation on MN! Also the lady is due a baby any day now, I feel as I'm frozen out & had made attempts at contact which she ignored that it would be inappropriate for me to offer congrats/ buy a present as obviously she doesn't want to hear from me & has decided to cut ties? I'm terrible at reading these situations...

martellandginger Fri 13-Oct-17 10:36:15

Move on. Maybe her child doesn't want to play with your child. Maybe your child isn't precious angel you think and she doesn't want her kid hanging out with yours, maybe she'd fed up of your boasting, maybe your child is gifted but secretly quite nasty. Maybe she is envious of your talented darling. maybe she thinks her child would be better off having friends that are similar in ability.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Move on and if she berates your children again make it clear that she is not to speak to or about your children again.

You're better off staying away from her if you are getting stressed by a non reply to a text.

momdidit Fri 13-Oct-17 11:00:22

I understand what you are saying Martell but it still hurts...

Brahms3rdracket Fri 13-Oct-17 12:36:30

Hi Mom, sorry you're victim of the playground bully. Isn't it pathetic that grown women behave like this at school and teach their kids their disgusting behaviour too? You and your daughter really are better off keeping well away from them flowers

Hissy Fri 13-Oct-17 13:54:38

My love, this is not about your low self-esteem, this is about you being unable to filter what is fact and how others want you to feel about yourself in comparison to them.

What SHE thinks is immaterial. Pity her that can't be pleased to see a child excel in something they love, poor her that can't be happy for a friend, or who measures herself by the achievement of someone elses child.

YOU are the star in your life, YOUR child is the one who matters here, and actually NOT having someone so poisonous and negative in your life will HELP you feel better about yourself.

Only have those people in your life who ADD to it. She can't be happy for you, for your child? move on. The joke is, her child could learn from yours, but this woman is too jealous and stupid to see it.

Screw her, forget her impending birth, sod the gift, she is not worth your time or thought. YOU are better than that, than her. she knows this.

Don't settle for the dregs of a friendship with a woman like her.

MatildaTheCat Fri 13-Oct-17 14:01:50

One of the problems with 'mum friends' is that you can end up becoming superficially friendly with people who, in any other situation you would have little in common with or simply not bother to get to know.

Chatting on school runs and whilst waiting at activities leads to a bit of a false sense of being real friends. She's now, unfortunately showing you she was never especially nice and isn't a friend at all. She's jealous of your child's success ( and has always been unpleasant about your child).

Walk away knowing it is she, not you who has a problem. She is dealing with her insecurities by picking on children. Nice.

And in case I've not made my point, No. Card. No . Gift.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 13-Oct-17 14:08:10

momdidit , it is hard.

Imho, if you were to reduce your expectations of "friendships" with parents of your dc's peers, you would be better off for it. "Chatting acquaintances" and have a boundary of yours, not theirs, to go no further. That is superficial, so if you perceive a snub, it is a "so what" as you had no expectation, iyswim.

When the dc graduate, you won't see these people again.

Imho, camaraderie among parents is akin to pleasantries civilly exchanged as members of a group enduring the same insufferable never-ending events-we are in this together so make the best of it. Again, acquaintance level...no emotional attachment. Live in the present, so when the event is over it is history. Forget it and move on. The School Gate happens with great repetition, but is brief enough if you time it right. Just another chore on your list.

Don't do a baby gift. If you feel the need to do something to check a box of your own need to respond, then post a simple card with your signature, no note.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Fri 13-Oct-17 14:23:44

Rereading your posts, I have changed my mind and would say no to a card as well. Or buy a gift, but don't give it to her; donate it to a women's shelter instead.smile

And truth be told, I would not encourage your d's friendship with her dc. I wouldn't say anything to dc, but just not promote the connection. On one hand, Fruit doesn't fall far from the tree- so her dc may pick up her mean habits. On the other hand, if she is too mean for you to be around, she is too mean for your kids to be around.

yetmorecrap Fri 13-Oct-17 14:32:20

Ah, sounds like competitive parent syndrome, I have noted this seems particularly bad in some mums who have given up decent careers to be SAHM or small part time jobs. It seems all the competitiveness they had at work now is directed at their family and turns them into mumzilla!!

TheDogAteMyHomeworkagain Thu 19-Oct-17 13:17:12

I agree with the posters above. Enjoy your own daughter, don't get a present for baby, always appear happy with yourself when you know you'll see her.
Also as regards giving out to your child, I knew someone like this, she would pick up on any little thing my niece would do & say to her own child "you would never do that, would you" etc. However said lady was very jealous of my niece, it all came out when they were teenagers & the lady's daughter told my niece how her mother was always comparing them behind closed doors...

Thinkingofausername1 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:29:13

Sadly there are snobs in the school playground. It’s not worth your time and effort as you will never meet their expectations! sad

editingfairy Thu 19-Oct-17 16:31:38

Ah, she's a bitch.

No, don't buy her/the baby anything.

She's badmouthing you, criticising your dc? No way. Find nicer friends smile

mickeymebollix Sun 22-Oct-17 00:30:23

I've met her type before, you don't need frenemies. It's sad that mums need to compete through their dc but some mums (& dads) feel compelled to. Know your worth & your childs & let her off. I'm cheeky & would feel compelled to rub her up the wrong way but in the grand scheme of things you'll be wasting your energy. Obviously she feels threatened by your dc's achievements to say she reacts as you described..

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