Really struggling : feel split

[DearMsPurdie]

Hello all,

My partner of 18 years had an affair - I found out a year ago, my youngest was under one when it started, he also had an affair when our first was born 13 years ago. No affairs in between that I know of,

It’s been a horrible 12 months, he left the family home 5 months ago declaring he didn’t want to be with me anymore. We then tried again, with him still at his mates, we have been having an intimate relationship and family time together, he was staying over twice a week, no major arguments, but both knowing we have much to discuss. The house I’m in is sold, it belongs to his dad, and I started the ball moving on that at the time he left, I started looking for work and have a job offer in another area. We went to couples last week and it was brutal. She told him he had missed so many opportunities to stop the house sale etc and hadn’t, that he will pay heavily and I should keep going ! It was like a smack in the face for us both.

Well Saturday just gone ... he said again “I can’t do the things you need because I don’t want to” something is missing and I don’t want to try and I don’t want the relationship to be any better. I don’t want you ....

I feel like I’m about 3 people - one who is in absolute panic about loosing him and my family - one who is furious with him and sees a not great person, and another part that’s wondering if ive made it impossible for him (house sold and jobs) and if and how I could save this or if I’m doing the right thing ...

I’m so confused and struggling badly