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Birthday wishes to my Ex G/F ?

(40 Posts)
BANANABOX2 Wed 11-Oct-17 13:56:38

ll try to keep this short n sweet...Broke up with my ex of two years back in June, 3 weeks before my birthday. She sent a text wishing me HB.

Five months later, she is coming up to a BIG birthday and I'm in a quandry. Should I or shalln't I ?

We've seen each other/spoken once in that time and discussed what went wrong. The break up was simply down to 'our compatibility' according to her. There were no third parties involved and we both trusted one another. She said she'd like to be friends in the future and we both accepted that as being good, yet she has made absolutely no effort to contact me, not even a simple hello. I've not even had an invite to the party she is throwing. There was no animosity between us during our long chat, but she was quite distant and cold at times, though we did hug each other when saying goodbye. It was me that initiated the previous contact to get some understanding on what went wrong. She has emotionally moved on and is dating, whereas I still miss/love her and haven't.

I want to wish her HB as I would feel it cruel and unkind not to, however her silence has pretty much made it clear to me that she's just not interested in me as a friend or anything else so perhaps I should just get on my life and ignore it ?

I know I'm over analysing and for some it would be a very straight forward decision to make, but for me, it's meaning sleepless nights. help ?

just looking for a female perspective on this really.

SparklingRaspberry Wed 11-Oct-17 14:06:22

If it will help you, then wish her happy birthday. Keep it short and simple

Just don't be upset if she doesn't acknowledge it or if her thanks is also short and simple

Justbreathing Wed 11-Oct-17 14:07:03

firstly I think if you're the person who is "left" it takes a lot longer to process what has happened. She clearly checked out long before things were over and therefore has found it easier.

I think, on this point, sending a happy birthday text is totally fine, just don't expect a reply or for it to lead to anything, even friendship. Send it as someone who once cared and was once her partner. Or if you feel it will help you move on, then don't send anything at all. I would be mainly thinking about YOU feel in this situation.

you really need to start thinking about your own needs, for what ever reason this did not work out, you've got to build your own life, you might not be ready for dating as it's very soon. But start trying to rebuild your own life. Eventually it will get easier.

Sorry you're going through this, it's shitty and it takes time.

Myheartbelongsto Wed 11-Oct-17 14:08:04

What do you hope yo achieve from saying happy birthday?

If you'd be OK with no response then go ahead but if your doing it in the hope of something else then don't text as you will feel awful.

elmo1980 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:09:01

You are thinking way too deeply about this. If you want to send her a happy birthday text just do it. I very much doubt she's going to be offended by it and will quite likely be touched that you are thinking of her. Just don't expect a big reaction or declaration of love from her if that's what you're hoping for.

My ex from 15 years ago still sends me a happy birthday msg and it always makes me smile.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Wed 11-Oct-17 14:10:17

Hmm my ex and I always wish each other a happy birthday, even though we split 18 years ago and he was an abusive wanker who left me. I'm not sure why we have carried on for so long other than our birthdays are the same day. In your situation I can't see why you wouldn't.

MimiSunshine Wed 11-Oct-17 14:10:53

This cold and blunt. She doesn't want to be your friend. She said she did as that's what people say but her actions have shown her true feelings. She just wants to be able to move on with a clear conscience that you're both happier this way.

Wish her a happy birthday as that's a nice thing to do and you seem like a nice person. BUT do it over Facebook (if you both have that) and keep it light: Happy Birthday 🎉 Hope you have a great day 🎂

Shows you wish her well but aren't overly emotionally invested, could be any friend you're wishing a happy birthday too.
Don't get into texting it etc or long messages.

Anecdoche Wed 11-Oct-17 14:15:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Worrynot1 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:17:42

Not worth it if she left you she will do it again. However if you think you are in with a chance then do the dumping on her. Quite frankly I prefer to hate my exes.

Justbreathing Wed 11-Oct-17 14:18:30

that's just a fucking odd response

Worrynot1 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:35:04

Yes I hate the Ex

BANANABOX2 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:42:13

I don't hate my ex, I hate what's happened to us though. I believe we had had very good relationship, clearly she didn't, but she wasn't one for being very open with her emotions. I remember asking her why that was and she just said that's the way she's always been.

Justbreathing Wed 11-Oct-17 14:46:54

not about whether you hate your ex, I couldnt care less about that.
I meant about your response on the OPs thread about how he is struggling, maybe just don't post anymore

OP - you can't change who she was or change the situation. Thinking about it more, I think it might be better for you not to wish a HB. I think it will hurt you if she doesnt reply, and give you hope if she does, none of those are good for you.

M4Dad Wed 11-Oct-17 14:47:43

What I do with my EX's birthday's is get her two presents from my DS. One obviously from him and one obviously from me but both "from DS"

It's my way of saying Happy Birthday

LuckLuckLUCK Wed 11-Oct-17 14:50:38

She hasn't forgotton you exist. If you still miss her then you are not ready to be friends.

BANANABOX2 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:51:48

Thanks JB :-)

Nice idea M4, but no children.

Id only want to do it so she didn't think of me as someone who is utterly cold and doesn't give a **. Why should I care, i don't know, but I do ? I suppose it's because I want a friendship in the future and that probably wouldn't ever happen by ignoring this big day or would it never happen in any case?

LuckLuckLUCK Wed 11-Oct-17 14:53:22

Not sending a happy birthday text would not make you utterly cold and dont give a fuck. It is quite normal behaviour not to send well wishes to someone who has dumped you.

BANANABOX2 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:55:11

Maybe not LLL, but that's how she decided our future.

She set herself a target of seeing whether she'd miss me or not. Answer, she didn't miss me after a month, therefore saw no relationship any longer even though 2 days before we broke up she said she loved me . Confusing or what!

M4Dad Wed 11-Oct-17 14:57:43


Feck it, just send her a card mate. If she ignores it she ignores it, no one get's hurt and you've done what you think is right.

Sounds like she's moved on, so should you.

Justbreathing Wed 11-Oct-17 14:59:42

she sounds like she's massively fucked with your head. that's not a nice thing to do to a person.
it happens, but it's not nice.
maybe one day in the distant future you can be friends, but you will probably need to give it a lot of time, and she might not be interested.

personally, if you still have feelings for her, all of this is holding you back.
I genuinely feel for you. I've been there and it's grim

Belleoftheball8 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:05:04

What has she's done wrong really? All she did was end the relationship, is it really necessary to maintain contact with each other not really quite the opposite . She's moved on rightly so, the relationship wasn't right for her

LuckLuckLUCK Wed 11-Oct-17 15:11:20

I agree she hasn't done anything wrong. When she said that about starying friends she was probably not counting on you pining after her. You can't stay friends with someone who still wants to go out with you.

LuckLuckLUCK Wed 11-Oct-17 15:16:07

She set herself a target of seeing whether she'd miss me or not

Well the only reasonbable response to that is 'Fuck RIGHT off', so I dont see your dilemma.

BANANABOX2 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:25:32

Belle, this isn't a question of who did right or wrong so please don't turn it into a blame game. Nobody has said anyone is right or wrong, it's just how it is now..

Worrynot1 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:32:23

With you there

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