I feel like a broken record and probably am, but I can't seem to get over the desire to move back close to my family.
I moved north for uni and met my now husband. We settled in the area as I was too scared that if I went back south after uni, he wouldn't follow and our relationship would fail (first boyfriend, low self esteem etc)
Well cut to 10 years later and we are married with a 4 year old.
We've been through rough times, as I'm sure everyone has. He's lost jobs, been out of work for long periods (although now in a new career so hopefully on the up) and we've also had our relationship tested.
2 years ago he slept in the same bed as another woman when drunk and groped her. He flirted with her and almost destroyed us. (I'm trying to move past it but it's still a work in progress, although we are definitely making good progress - and no they didn't have sex of any kind)
We get very little help with childcare from my in laws, which is not unusual at all, however my parents would be eager to support us. This can make life difficult not having time with each other.
I have really struggled and have tried lots and lots to make improvements. I've changed career, tried to make friends etc but still feel life isn't what I want it to be.
We've had numerous discussions about me wanting to move and dh is always frustrated by it. He full stop does not want to move closer to my family as he doesn't want to be unhappy there (it feels like he doesn't understand that I feel the same about the situation we are currently in)
He tells me it's always the same and I'll never stop going on about it. But to me when I originally raised the possibility years ago the reasons to stay were financially based in that we'd have more money and a better life. With the job loses etc etc that's not happened at all. Those promises never paid off.
I've asked him to tell me all the reasons why it is better to stay now. They make sense and I understand them (still financial) but in my eyes it still doesn't outway the support we would have if we moved.
One of his reasons for staying was that when dd went to school his parents had said about picking her up more so that would save on after school clubs etc as they will have retired. Would have a positive impact financially and maybe make life less stressful and rushed. Well now they've decided against that. It's their decision, but don't tell us you are going to be picking her up from school when you retire when in actual fact you won't.
This makes me want to press to move south again. I want another child at some point too and I have today told him that I can't have another if I'm not going to have that emotional support (which I would get if we moved) It's frustrating as all the reasons he gives seem to then change which for me throws the option open again.
I guess I'm frustrated that the goal posts are always changing yet the result is always him getting what he wants.
(Fyi I do suffer from anxiety and depression and I have 2 nephews in the south which me and dd would love to be able to see more)
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Why can't I let it go? Should I?
Freshfaced85 · 11/10/2017 13:13
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.