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4 days into seperation

(9 Posts)
GullTQY Wed 11-Oct-17 12:58:57

Just wanted to share my feelings and looking for any support out there really. My friends have been great but none of them have really been through this.

So im 4 days into the seperation i initiated. I am coping better than I thought but have been having a couple of flat days. I woke up this morning feeling anxious and thoughts of 'i can't do this anymore' popped into my head.

My children are also coping better than I thought, my youngest 2 is aware daddy isn't living here and my eldest 7 is doing okay, she is usually down in the morning but has been fine going off to school, where I know she has been upset but has wonderful support.

I just feel a bit isolated and alone already. My family dont know all the gorey details but dont approve of the seperation tbh, i know i have their support but i just feel like they are just leaving me to deal with my decision.

My husband text me yesterday asking how i was, saying how he missed us all immensely. I was honest and said I'm fine and we have strong for the children, and that I'm not going to change my mind. I just felt an overwhelming pressure to change my mind and that maybe if I didn't he would insist on moving back in.

I feel like I've made the right decision and I intend on seeing it through, but i feel that is 4 days in too soon to feel so isolated, such a whirlwind of emotions, I'm up and down.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 11-Oct-17 14:37:59

It's totally normal. Just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing. It's normal to feel like this even if you know you've done the right thing. You probably will be feeling guilty, but that will pass.

Maybe you could explain the reasons to your family why. Some of my family sided with my ex, but I didn't tell them the reasons, and I wish I had now as they would've understood better.

Remember to take time out for yourself.

User7628 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:52:49

It's totally normal to feel like this after 4 months let alone 4 days.

You are splitting up for a reason and I'm sure that's a very valid one whatever it is. Too many people slip back into the "get back together" mode for the simple reason they fear the unknown.

Just stay strong and stick to it and it will feel better in time.

Hermonie2016 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:55:06

Make a list of all the reasons you decided to end the marriage and keep it close by.I had mine on my phone..It helps to remind yourself, as often when in doubt we reflect on the positives.

It's a big deal ending a marriage so doubts, low emotions and worry are natural.

GullTQY Wed 11-Oct-17 21:38:38

Thankyou everyone. I will definitely remind myself of the reason's and make a note on my phone. Will definitely help when the fog gets into my mind.

I feel like I should be either in bits crying my eyes out or relieved and happy, but I'm sort of, floating in the middle. When I'm happy I feel like I shouldn't be!! When I'm feeling a bit down I feel annoyed with myself! Crazy really. I never even thought I was strong enough to see it through and to actually be where I am now, I should be proud of the independent strong self respective woman I am becoming, not feeling guilty and pressured into changing my mind because others are struggling. Maybe it's because I've been thinking about it for months before doing it, I'm already ahead in the feelings process.

Thanks for the reassurance, sometimes it's all I need


ferriswheel Wed 11-Oct-17 21:53:32

I'm more than a year on. Still very much in the middle of it but it is so, so wonderful to be looking forward to the future rather than suffocating in the unhappiness of a desperate marriage. Tomorrow it will be day'll get there...

user1497991628 Wed 11-Oct-17 22:07:55

I’m three weeks in, and am unbecomingly happy.....

It does follow two years of hell, but still... anyway, you sound normal t9 me,

I’d spent ages catastrophising, so things are much better than I thought.

GullTQY Thu 19-Oct-17 13:27:21

Into week 2 now and feeling happier. It feels like 2 months and things are going too well and too good and soon it will all come crashing down!

I have just received another Message from my husband, which I guess is natural, saying how he misses being with us and is struggling like hell. I just politely gave him some advice on how it will take time, try and focus on the good i.e the children and talk to friends more. I was honest and said my feelings haven't changed, I'm feeling happier and that I hope he isn't going to try and force me to change my mind.

I don't want to be his shoulder to cry on but I do want to be there if I can but I just hope it doesn't turn nasty. I don't like the thought of him hurting but this is all for the best. We knew it wouldn't be easy and I knew he'd struggle more than me.

I get anxious and panicky when he talks like this to me, I feel like running the other way.

Any advice on dealing with a husband who is putting the pressure on??

spunkymom22 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:50:53

I had to learn to say to my Ex that "You are saying all this to the wrong person. I can't help you with this..." Over and over. It also helped not talking to him; email is better as you can deal with it when you are ready. Or if needed, you can block him, saying you will only respond to email about the children.

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