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Don't know what to do

(5 Posts)
burntoutmum Wed 11-Oct-17 11:47:57


I’ve been with my husband 12 years, married for 10. We have 2 children.

Life has been pretty rubbish the last couple of years as one of our children has been ill. Things are improving in that respect.

DH and I get on well, but not that great sad. It’s like we’re good friends and not husband and wife. I don’t really know how to explain it, but there’s no spark really ( our sex life is ok, probably 3-4 times a month) but we just plod along together. Which up until recently I didn’t really question.

Recently an Ex of mine ( from 20 years ago- so I was a teen) got in touch and we’ve been chatting. Suddenly I feel wanted sadblush. He’s not trying it on with me, but he’s interested in talking about me. On the plus side it’s made me want sex more with my husband but I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing!!!!! It’s really making me question what our relationship is lacking and is it salvageable. It’s made me realise I’m not very happy really. DH is a lovely man but I feel I want a spark there, which doesn’t exist at the moment. I really don’t want to leave him ( and I certainly won’t be for Ex, this isn’t about him!) , am I expecting too much as we’ve been together for a while? Is it normal for it to start feeling like this?

Can I save my marriage? How can I improve it?


Shedmicehugh Wed 11-Oct-17 11:54:21

Step 1 would be stop contact with your ex.

Step 2 tell your husband how you are feeling.

I should imagine.

burntoutmum Wed 11-Oct-17 12:00:15

Thanks Shed, stopping contact with my ex is easy, I’ve got absolutely no interest in him whatsoever ( he’s an ex for a reason!!) it just feels odd that someone being nice to me is making me question everything, I’ve never felt that before!

I think life has just over taken us recently. I’ll have a chat with DH

Shedmicehugh Wed 11-Oct-17 12:07:59

I think communication is key, particularly in long term relationships.

Tell him what you want, what makes you feel wanted etc and vice versa.

As you say maybe you have just drifted apart a bit recently, had a lot on your plate etc. Try to make a bit of time for each other.

Good luck!

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Wed 11-Oct-17 12:09:42

Sounds like you and your husband have been through a lot. I would have a chat and say that you feel things have lost their spark and you want to feel 'wanted and 'desired' again and take it from there.

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