2nd time around 'Mum'

[Gail27]

I feel a little foolish at the moment signing up. I am a Mum to a 27 and 28 year old - BUT - I also have SGO (Special Guardianship Order) for my 7 year old Grandson. We have had him since he was 2.

I have signed up in the hope that there are people out there wo may be in a similar situation to us and who may like to talk stuff over on this subject.

Although everything is settled with little man, his relationship with his Mum is good, he is settled and safe etc. The issues are that myself and my husband have very little time for 'us'. We are in our 50's and finding it difficult to make time for 'us'. This is putting a strain on our 31 year marriage. What with work, after school activities etc., by the time we are at home, exhaustion sets in and so on.

Is there anyone out there in our position and have some advice?

[Sneezeandooops]

Can't offer any help I'm afraid but maybe try putting this post in a few of the relevant sections for traffic?

[Gail27]

Hi sneezeandoops, thanks for replying. However, I have no idea what your message means i.e. a few relevant sections for traffic??

Sorry, I am old school and don't really 'get' this posting message thing that is the 'in thing at the moment.

[fannythrobbing]

Hi there, some topics are quieter than others, I’ve just reported this post up to MNHQ to ask if they could move it to a busier topic for Relationships. Hopefully you’ll get a lot more people offering guidance there! Good luck

[ToniMumsnet]

We are moving this thread to Relationships soon.

[Sneezeandooops]

Just mean try posting in the relationships or family section. Traffic just means more people will see it. X

[RubyLux]

Hello Gail. Not quite your situation but I have a nearly 26 year old daughter and also a 3 year old little girl and a 1 year old son. I'll 52 in November.

My (10 years younger) wife gave birth to the little ones but I am their parent too. It is SO much more difficult than when I had my (biological, first) daughter.

We both work full time. I am a nurse and work shifts so they only go to a childminder twice a week. The rest of the week they are with me (Mum) while my wife (Mummy) is at work.

My energy levels are so much lower than they were 25 years ago of course. I fall into bed after a 13 hour shift. But one of the hardest things is finding the time (and the inclination) to spend couple time with my wife.

Our current solution is to ask our childminder to have the little ones for the odd day here and there when I have a day off and my wife is on annual leave. Also, my big daughter looks after them for a couple of hours once a week so we can go shopping or out for a coffee or a swim. It's hard. Really hard.

Are you managing any time with your husband?

[Gail27]

Hi Ruby. Thanks for answering. I am 55, hubby is 56. My Grandson is 7 with ADHD and a real livewire as you can imagine. We have had him legally since he was 2 due to my daughters mental health issues. It has been hard and very difficult, but his relationship with his Mum is now good and he sees her every Saturday.
I am a care home manager for adults with LD and challenging behaviour (full time), hubby works as a HCA part time around little man's school and my rather random shift patterns. This leaves little time for 'us'. Even then we are both knackered. It's got to the point that I don't think that either of us has the energy or inclination to bother leaving our chairs or our laptops. Talking still goes on - in the advert time at least. I think we stay together because of our total commitment to little man rather than 'us'. There are no arguments etc., we probably don't have the energy, although neither of us are particularly happy.
I used to look forward to leaving work, now I drag my heals and find reasons to remain at work. I am not ready to throw the towel in but don't know how to sort this out.

[RubyLux]

Have you talked to each other about this?
My wife and I had a big conversion (after much bickering, emotional and physical distance and stress. There is a great deal of love and desire to stay together so we joined a gym and force ourselves to swim. When we're there, we love it and kind of re-love each other too. It's so difficult to be proactive and disciplined. Neither of us particularly wants to go out at 7 at night when soft warm safe undemanding bed is calling. But we do it. We lug ourselves there or to a coffee shop. And it's working.