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Is it normal to fantasise about someone else whilst dtd with dw/Dh or ltp?

(81 Posts)
quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 07:59:56

I read an article recently, cosmo or something but it was an interview about how much men think about sex on a daily basis, etc. Part of it though was a married man saying it’s normal to picture other women, real or fictional whilst having sex with his wife as they had been together so long. He said he often pictures his wife’s or sisters friends he finds attractive. I was telling Dh about it and asking him does he think it’s something that people do, (I don’t), he picked me up wrong, was half listening and thought I said the guy fantasises about his sister, he burst out laughing and said no way! I corrected him and said I said sisters friend and he said ‘oh right well yeah’ but stopped himself and said no, he didn’t think people did that. He would know I’d be very upset if I thought he did while we were being intimate so would never admit to it. Anyway I suppose I’m just asking is it a thing for people?, particularly those in long relationships to spice things up I suppose?

gamerchick Wed 11-Oct-17 08:02:17

It’s veru common for people to imagine others while they’re having sex.

It’s really stupid to tell their other half that they do though.

Not everyone does it’s just common and harmless.

Shoxfordian Wed 11-Oct-17 08:05:43

I think it's fairly harmless to find someone else attractive; not to the extent of that guy on another thread looking for similar porn images though.

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 08:13:38

Of course it’s normal to find others attractive, I know my Dh does as do I, no probs there. And also normal to fantasise about others whilst going solo, etc. But i really don’t like the thought that while we are intimate he’s picturing my bf or whoever, I think that’s hurtful and not acceptable really, no matter how long the relationship. He’s free to picture whoever when he’s having a wank.

Worriedrose Wed 11-Oct-17 08:19:21

You sound very insecure. He hasn't said anything about fantasising about other women when you're having sex.

now you're making up in your head that because he hesitated, every time you're having sex he's thinking about someone else...

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 08:32:40

Not really worried, I suppose because he hesitated it’s planted a seed of doubt but he’s said he dosnt so I’ll have to believe him. I had never considered it really, I’m prob a bit naive. I’m just asking if it’s a thing that’s normal, that’s all.

Worriedrose Wed 11-Oct-17 08:42:27

I think it's probably normal, yes.
And I really wouldn't worry about it, he's with you, I presume you're happy.
Just put the thought out of your mind

Brahms3rdracket Wed 11-Oct-17 09:16:42

You really shouldn't ask questions you're not prepared to hear the answer to.

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 09:19:44

Brahms- I can ask questions about anything I like? I don’t have to be happy with the answers but dosnt mean I’m not prepared. Thanks for your input anywayhmm

midnightmisssuki Wed 11-Oct-17 09:19:55

normal yes - not normal to tell your other half about it though (unless you both are super open and very comfortable with each other!)

Brahms3rdracket Wed 11-Oct-17 09:22:00

Wow I'm not surprised he didn't want to answer when you overreact like that hmm

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 09:26:22

Worried- bit confused? On one hand your saying I’m insecure and making up in my mind he’s thinking about others and on the other your saying he most likely is?

Is it not like just accepting your akin to a wank sock or a blowup doll? Is it really unreasonable to expect your husband to be thinking about you whilst making love? Again your dh/ dp has plenty of opportunity thinking about others when he’s doing his own thing but I think it’s highly disrespectful thinking about his sisters friend when having sex with his wife.

springydaffs Wed 11-Oct-17 09:33:09

I'm with you op. If you mean you find the whole 'thinking about someone else' abhorrent.

Brahms, wind it in love hmm

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 09:51:24

Thanks springy flowers

BillBrysonsBeard Wed 11-Oct-17 09:56:10

I never think about it while having sex, we're in the moment.. But sometimes imagine what it would be like with other men, probably as I've only slept with DP. Don't want to do it though!

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 09:58:44

Like really? Your being intimate with your Dh, enjoying his touch, smell, the look of enjoyment on his face, being there in the moment with him and he’s got his eyes closed imagining he’s banging your best friend. This is actually ok and perfectly acceptable to some people? I really don’t think I’m overreacting in thinking this is total shite and if I thought Dh was doing this when we were together I’d be inclined to tell him to just use his fleshlight or whatever in the future.

CakesRUs Wed 11-Oct-17 09:59:00

He misheard you for sister, the notion of someone thinking about their sister during sex is gross, finding out it was a non family member would illicit the same reaction from me, that it's ok because it's not his sister.

ravenmum Wed 11-Oct-17 09:59:43

So you didn't want to ask "Do YOU do it?" as you know he would never admit to it directly, and instead you asked "Do you think PEOPLE do it?" to get around that problem? But now you think that maybe he saw through your clever ruse, and are asking us instead?

I can't say that I ever fantasise about specific other people, as it would put me off a bit: my guilt complex is too well developed and would bother me. But I've fantasised about faceless other people.

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 10:01:18

Maybe your right Cakes, I’m going to have to assume he dosnt because he’s said so, but according to pp it’s very likely and to me that would be very disappointing.

Myheartbelongsto Wed 11-Oct-17 10:01:56

Some mean comments here op.

I've never thought about any one else during sex. The ironing or what to have for dinner maybe wink

quicknamechange567 Wed 11-Oct-17 10:02:44

Lol myheartbelongstogrin

gamerchick Wed 11-Oct-17 10:02:57

Thinking about it I don’t think I give a fuck what he’s thinking about. I’m getting mine grin

I don’t ask him baited questions either, poor buggers can’t win no matter which side is on the end of it.

Try not to go to that place OP. Let it go.

Worriedrose Wed 11-Oct-17 10:04:11

I was saying I thought you were behaving insecure because this is a question you decided to round about ask your DH, who gave no real inclination he did think about it, just hesistated as most people would because it's an odd thing to give up.

I said it's normal, because it probably is.

If you want to ask him a direct question them ask him, if you think he's going to lie about the answer then there is obviously a deeper problem
Most people would not dream of bringing up this kind of question that's not a question that's clearly a question

Worriedrose Wed 11-Oct-17 10:04:34

Sorry odd thing to bring up

Myheartbelongsto Wed 11-Oct-17 10:08:20

I wouldn't give much thought to this op. Sounds like he was saying well yeah as a response to you as in obviously sisters friend but not sister as he reconciled it in his head.

Honestly don't worry about it.

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