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bullied from cradle to grave

(15 Posts)
smotheroffive Wed 11-Oct-17 02:54:47

nc for this thread, but this does seem to have been my lot always someone wanting to have a pop, abusive relationshipp after abusive relationship, starting at birth! Feeling tonight like nothing will change to the grave now.

Having ended up with PTSD as a result of various relationships, I am now so very fearful that it seems bullying is even more likely.

i read a thread tonight about this, very interesting views, but what i wonder is who puts a stop to bullies and how, if ever?

MrsNai Wed 11-Oct-17 03:53:03

I couldn't read your message without replying to let you know that there is great help and support out there to help you improve your mental health.

smotheroffive Wed 11-Oct-17 04:25:38

Thank you MrsNai for your concern and link and I do have ongoing support. It wasnt my main point but I have had a look through and hadnt realised there were so many! Which is great.

What happens to the bullies? How are they stopped? Or are they, do they ever?

Once bullied always bullied?

Desmondo2016 Wed 11-Oct-17 07:50:28

You can't stop the bullies but you can stop being their victim.

Desmondo2016 Wed 11-Oct-17 07:51:28

No, not once bullied always bullied. I disagree with this but it will take strength and support to change things and learn to make better choices etc.

BarbarianMum Wed 11-Oct-17 08:34:09

Agree with Desmindo The trick with bullies is to spot them early and avoid being a victim. Have you ever done 'The freedom programme' or worked through with a counsellor what it is makes you vulnerable to these awful people?

BarbarianMum Wed 11-Oct-17 08:35:03

^Desmondo^ sorry blush

smotheroffive Wed 11-Oct-17 18:02:10

'you cant stop the bullies'

This is what I take issue with. I know so well that some can handle the bully type better than others but people and kids do kill themselves over this stuff.
Women and children for instance are turned refugees because of them, others leave careeers as a result, lose confidence etc and all the rest.

I mean isnt it a bit like racism where's minorities have to just get over themselves, get strong and move community instead of the positive action approach to stamp out racism.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 11-Oct-17 18:05:37

I think there should be more education at school level about relationships & treating people well - and how to spot red flags - is that the kind of thing you mean?

smotheroffive Wed 11-Oct-17 18:08:22

I dont know if i've explained it so well.
That thankfully anti-racism, abuse and so on are high on the agenda and far more widely acknowledged but there is still such a widespread approach to penalising the victim turn their lives upside-down instead of turning the life of the bully upside-down with the basic rules of respect to fellow human-beings

smotheroffive Wed 11-Oct-17 18:11:37

Absolutely tears I think its about all instituions routinely challenging attitudes to find out what lengths one would go to to climb over others and maintain power and control.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 11-Oct-17 18:24:38

Unfortunately the bullying kinds of people are often the one she that are highly successful in other areas of their lives.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 11-Oct-17 18:25:23

We live in a very selfish society.

BarbarianMum Wed 11-Oct-17 19:37:30

In school and work situations you can't get away from the bullies, so they have to be dealt with. No one has to be in a relationship with an abusive man though. That doesn't mean that their behaviour shouldn't be challenged by society at large when known, just that you don't need to get in a relationship with one and try and change him. And I think if you end up in "abusive relationship after abusive relationship " you do really need to ask yourself what makes you attractive to/ attracted by these men.

smotheroffive Thu 19-Oct-17 16:25:39

What if the words you used there Barbarian of being attractive to/attracted by ...related to being assualted sexually would they still apply?

Yes there are patterns I believe, like there are prostitutes but if there weren't the perps?

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