My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Would you find this suspicious?

43 replies

RogerThatOver · 10/10/2017 22:39

DP and I separated several months ago. I initiated it; he's after getting back together. However, he's made no effort to see our DCs over the past few months and his lack of effort with them was one of the main reasons i left. He also was addicted to his phone and stayed out overnight a few times, claiming he was at work when it's very unlikely. His phone was password protected and internet history always wiped.

Since separating he's changed his face book and email passwords and removed photos of the DC from his phone wallpaper so now it's just plain. He's never had it plain since we met. I went to his for the first time in months over the weekend as my sister had mistakenly posted something there. He was out and when I let myself in I found that he's pretty much cleared his flat and doesn't appear to be sleeping there. He hasn't mentioned this to me. He's got to be seeing someone else, hasn't He? I'd been giving him the benefit of the doubt but the removing photos of the DC and not sleeping at his...there's no other explanation really is there?

OP posts:
Report
SandyY2K · 10/10/2017 22:44

Does sound like it. Are they his children he's not seeing? I mean not stepchildren?

If so I wouldn't want him back.

Report
RogerThatOver · 10/10/2017 22:45

Yes, they're his. He only wants to see them if he can visit them at mine or if I'll go out with them.

OP posts:
Report
Myheartbelongsto · 10/10/2017 23:10

Why do you care?

Report
Myheartbelongsto · 10/10/2017 23:10

Why do you care?

Report
beesandknees · 10/10/2017 23:15

Why are you asking, surely his life is his business? You're separated, the relationship is over.

Or is this meant to be a "break" that you're on? Even if it is - presumably a break means that he is allowed to live his own life without answering to you?

Report
WitchesHatRim · 10/10/2017 23:21

Since separating he's changed his face book and email passwords

Surely that's normal when you split up. Especially if your ex knows your passwords.

Plus unless you have deliberately tried to hack then, how would you know!

Report
RogerThatOver · 10/10/2017 23:26

He is messaging me daily begging me to get back together. Telling his parents he is heartbroken and they're calling me a cow for leaving their poor son. He's asked me that we remain exclusive and try and work things out - though quite how I'd have anything going on with anyone when I have 5 DC to care for 24/7, I don't know!

OP posts:
Report
RogerThatOver · 10/10/2017 23:28

beesandknees of course he's allowed to live his own life. Silly old me hoped it might include his DC Hmm

OP posts:
Report
RandomMess · 10/10/2017 23:32

Refuses to take his own DC out on his own, yeah he's really tried hasn't he!

Report
clumsyduck · 10/10/2017 23:33

I literally wouldn't give a shit about anything else other than he doesnt bother with his kids , could never have any respect or anything else toward him again .

Report
FaithAgain · 10/10/2017 23:35

It certainly gives mixed messages! He's saying he wants you back but clearly making himself look single. I would be very suspicious. I would also be angry about him not making the effort to see his children.

Report
Finola1step · 10/10/2017 23:37

His disregard for his 5 dc is disgraceful. Time to get financials in place.

Report
BishBoshBashBop · 10/10/2017 23:58

How exact do you know he's changed his passwords? unless you've tried to access his accounts

Report
GlitterSparkles17 · 11/10/2017 00:00

Why won’t he have the kids at his home? Why isn’t he having them overnight? Sounds like a shitty dad and I would not be letting him see them at your house and definitley wouldn’t be joining them, he basically doesn’t want to see them if he’s on his own as it’s too much hard work!

As for him seeing someone let him crack on with it, your not together anymore. IF it’s true and he’s also asking for you back that should tell you what kind of person he is, why would you want him back? He sounds awful.

Report
KarmaNoMore · 11/10/2017 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchesHatRim · 11/10/2017 00:13

Her assets may be considered for the separation of assets calculation hence why all this pretending.

Her assets are not taken into consideration. The OP has no claim on them whatsoever.

Especially as OP calls him DP not DH.

Report
RoseOfSharyn · 11/10/2017 04:53

why do you care?
Hmmmm let's think about that! Hmm maybe the children are a reason to care?!

MN is so full of double standards.
You trust your OH: 'well you must have passwords for everything!'
You want to leave: 'get all his passwords and financial info!'
You separate but have children together: 'oh good lord you know he has changed his passwords!'

FFS!

Report
troodiedoo · 11/10/2017 05:00

He sounds useless, why would you even consider getting back with him? All too common: make noises about getting back together and tell others how mean you are not giving him a chance, but not prepared to put any effort in. Bin him.

Report
HappenedForAReisling · 11/10/2017 05:32

The fact he wants to get back together would give me reason to care if it was me.

Report
JWrecks · 11/10/2017 05:45

Wow, he is baffling! What is he playing at? Wants nothing to do with his own children, was left because of that very fact, is slinking around pretty obviously at least trying to ACT like hes dating or trying to pull, if nothing else, yet hounding you to get back together? He's not even willing to TRY doing anything that would get himself back into your good graces, yet talking the talk of trying to get back together??

It makes no sense at all! It almost sounds as if you've got something that he wants, iyswim? Do you have money or assets or something physical that he may want to get his hands on? Because if he really wanted to get back together that desperately, I'd think he would at least make an EFFORT!

Report
Needalifeoverhaul · 11/10/2017 05:55

I suspect he wants his cake and to eat it too! Sorry, hope I don't sound too flippant with the phrase but too me it sounds like he's seeing someone else but in case that doesn't work out, he's got you to go back too....or vice versa..
The main thing here is his lack of contact with the dc. I suspect he doesn't want them to interfere with his life as a single man or wit his new gf.
Obviously, and hopefully, I could be very wrong here but does all seem a bit odd.

Report
Lagerthaisfabulous · 11/10/2017 05:59

So he sounds like a shit and is probably living with a new partner.

However i dont believe you popped round because your sister posted something by accident. You dont ket yourself into someone else flat to grab something. If yiu think they are living there, you would ask. You have also tried to get into his facebook.

You need to move on. You dont need to get into his facebook or flat to know he is a dick.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Mumof56 · 11/10/2017 06:06

Why are you trying to log in to his emails and fb? Or letting yourself in to his house when he's not there? Why do you care what the wallpaper on his phone is?

That's all very odd

Report
tombstoneteeth · 11/10/2017 06:33

You initiated the separation and now seem to be determined to keep him under surveillance. Snooping on his phone and letting yourself into his house? How would you feel if he did that to you? He should be a lot more engaged with his kids, but I have had enough experience of divorce to know that some women are less than co-operative towards their ex-partners' access, and are good at presenting themselves as victims. In fact, this is particularly raw with me right now. Could your truth be somewhat different from his?

Report
dudsville · 11/10/2017 06:40

Op, look after yourself, your thread is going weird. As for your posts. I doing think is confusing. He's saying one thing but all his actions suggest another. And you don't need a man in your life life that. Hope your dcs are ok. That's a terrible abandonment.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.