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Would you find this suspicious?

(44 Posts)
RogerThatOver Tue 10-Oct-17 22:39:18

DP and I separated several months ago. I initiated it; he's after getting back together. However, he's made no effort to see our DCs over the past few months and his lack of effort with them was one of the main reasons i left. He also was addicted to his phone and stayed out overnight a few times, claiming he was at work when it's very unlikely. His phone was password protected and internet history always wiped.

Since separating he's changed his face book and email passwords and removed photos of the DC from his phone wallpaper so now it's just plain. He's never had it plain since we met. I went to his for the first time in months over the weekend as my sister had mistakenly posted something there. He was out and when I let myself in I found that he's pretty much cleared his flat and doesn't appear to be sleeping there. He hasn't mentioned this to me. He's got to be seeing someone else, hasn't He? I'd been giving him the benefit of the doubt but the removing photos of the DC and not sleeping at his...there's no other explanation really is there?

SandyY2K Tue 10-Oct-17 22:44:48

Does sound like it. Are they his children he's not seeing? I mean not stepchildren?

If so I wouldn't want him back.

RogerThatOver Tue 10-Oct-17 22:45:41

Yes, they're his. He only wants to see them if he can visit them at mine or if I'll go out with them.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 10-Oct-17 23:10:27

Why do you care?

Myheartbelongsto Tue 10-Oct-17 23:10:28

Why do you care?

beesandknees Tue 10-Oct-17 23:15:53

Why are you asking, surely his life is his business? You're separated, the relationship is over.

Or is this meant to be a "break" that you're on? Even if it is - presumably a break means that he is allowed to live his own life without answering to you?

WitchesHatRim Tue 10-Oct-17 23:21:06

Since separating he's changed his face book and email passwords

Surely that's normal when you split up. Especially if your ex knows your passwords.

Plus unless you have deliberately tried to hack then, how would you know!

RogerThatOver Tue 10-Oct-17 23:26:40

He is messaging me daily begging me to get back together. Telling his parents he is heartbroken and they're calling me a cow for leaving their poor son. He's asked me that we remain exclusive and try and work things out - though quite how I'd have anything going on with anyone when I have 5 DC to care for 24/7, I don't know!

RogerThatOver Tue 10-Oct-17 23:28:15

beesandknees of course he's allowed to live his own life. Silly old me hoped it might include his DC hmm

RandomMess Tue 10-Oct-17 23:32:18

Refuses to take his own DC out on his own, yeah he's really tried hasn't he!

clumsyduck Tue 10-Oct-17 23:33:51

I literally wouldn't give a shit about anything else other than he doesnt bother with his kids , could never have any respect or anything else toward him again .

FaithAgain Tue 10-Oct-17 23:35:01

It certainly gives mixed messages! He's saying he wants you back but clearly making himself look single. I would be very suspicious. I would also be angry about him not making the effort to see his children.

Finola1step Tue 10-Oct-17 23:37:02

His disregard for his 5 dc is disgraceful. Time to get financials in place.

BishBoshBashBop Tue 10-Oct-17 23:58:23

How exact do you know he's changed his passwords? unless you've tried to access his accounts

GlitterSparkles17 Wed 11-Oct-17 00:00:33

Why won’t he have the kids at his home? Why isn’t he having them overnight? Sounds like a shitty dad and I would not be letting him see them at your house and definitley wouldn’t be joining them, he basically doesn’t want to see them if he’s on his own as it’s too much hard work!

As for him seeing someone let him crack on with it, your not together anymore. IF it’s true and he’s also asking for you back that should tell you what kind of person he is, why would you want him back? He sounds awful.

KarmaNoMore Wed 11-Oct-17 00:08:53

Yes, there is someone else and that someone else owns a house. It is important for this to be kept secret from you because when it comes to separating the assets, the judge will look at ensuring you both end up in a hopefully equal footing when it comes to accommodation. And obviously, if his accommodation needs are already met by the house of his new partner, he cannot ask for as much as he could from the assets pot as if he needed somewhere to stay.

Her assets may be considered for the separation of assets calculation hence why all this pretending.

WitchesHatRim Wed 11-Oct-17 00:13:15

Her assets may be considered for the separation of assets calculation hence why all this pretending.

Her assets are not taken into consideration. The OP has no claim on them whatsoever.

Especially as OP calls him DP not DH.

RoseOfSharyn Wed 11-Oct-17 04:53:28

why do you care?
Hmmmm let's think about that! hmm maybe the children are a reason to care?!

MN is so full of double standards.
You trust your OH: 'well you must have passwords for everything!'
You want to leave: 'get all his passwords and financial info!'
You separate but have children together: 'oh good lord you know he has changed his passwords!'

FFS!

troodiedoo Wed 11-Oct-17 05:00:10

He sounds useless, why would you even consider getting back with him? All too common: make noises about getting back together and tell others how mean you are not giving him a chance, but not prepared to put any effort in. Bin him.

HappenedForAReisling Wed 11-Oct-17 05:32:19

The fact he wants to get back together would give me reason to care if it was me.

JWrecks Wed 11-Oct-17 05:45:12

Wow, he is baffling! What is he playing at? Wants nothing to do with his own children, was left because of that very fact, is slinking around pretty obviously at least trying to ACT like hes dating or trying to pull, if nothing else, yet hounding you to get back together? He's not even willing to TRY doing anything that would get himself back into your good graces, yet talking the talk of trying to get back together??

It makes no sense at all! It almost sounds as if you've got something that he wants, iyswim? Do you have money or assets or something physical that he may want to get his hands on? Because if he really wanted to get back together that desperately, I'd think he would at least make an EFFORT!

Needalifeoverhaul Wed 11-Oct-17 05:55:30

I suspect he wants his cake and to eat it too! Sorry, hope I don't sound too flippant with the phrase but too me it sounds like he's seeing someone else but in case that doesn't work out, he's got you to go back too....or vice versa..
The main thing here is his lack of contact with the dc. I suspect he doesn't want them to interfere with his life as a single man or wit his new gf.
Obviously, and hopefully, I could be very wrong here but does all seem a bit odd.

Lagerthaisfabulous Wed 11-Oct-17 05:59:21

So he sounds like a shit and is probably living with a new partner.

However i dont believe you popped round because your sister posted something by accident. You dont ket yourself into someone else flat to grab something. If yiu think they are living there, you would ask. You have also tried to get into his facebook.

You need to move on. You dont need to get into his facebook or flat to know he is a dick.

Mumof56 Wed 11-Oct-17 06:06:11

Why are you trying to log in to his emails and fb? Or letting yourself in to his house when he's not there? Why do you care what the wallpaper on his phone is?

That's all very odd

tombstoneteeth Wed 11-Oct-17 06:33:16

You initiated the separation and now seem to be determined to keep him under surveillance. Snooping on his phone and letting yourself into his house? How would you feel if he did that to you? He should be a lot more engaged with his kids, but I have had enough experience of divorce to know that some women are less than co-operative towards their ex-partners' access, and are good at presenting themselves as victims. In fact, this is particularly raw with me right now. Could your truth be somewhat different from his?

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