Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling of being judged

(28 Posts)
user1499288566 Tue 10-Oct-17 22:02:25

Does anyone have a bf that goes on all the time? Like over the way you drive , the things you say, the things you choose , just like everything , he knows it all you know nothing, I don't know if he just means well or is mentally trying to do me in

Farontothemaddingcrowd Tue 10-Oct-17 22:03:19

I did yes. Not sure you want to hear this, but he eventually admitted he didn't love me after ripping my self esteem to shreds.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 10-Oct-17 22:04:50

Of course not. He'd be dumped for being an annoying dickhead. Why are you sticking around?

user1499288566 Tue 10-Oct-17 22:11:31

Honestly? I don't really know , we have a 4 year old together, been with him round 5 years. It's never been fantastic, had a lot of up and downs. I just feel , I dunno like nothing I do is right like I shouldn't have my way of doing things. I no longer like having him in car next to me it's like I'm back on my test , I pick a tattoo place and this guy who seems good, I show my bf his work and he picks faults, it's like grrrrr why is nothing ever okay or good enough

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 10-Oct-17 22:23:16

God that sounds wearing.

L0quacious Tue 10-Oct-17 22:25:20

he sounds awful.

Think about how you FEEL in the relationship. Is it a good feeling? Or do you feel on trial, like you have to prove yourself the whole time?

My x was like this to begin with and itt only got worse.

user1499288566 Wed 11-Oct-17 07:50:19

Why do they do it , why carnt they accept we do things in our own way , I wanted to kill him the one day when I was parking up, I straightened up but took few times to pull in and out As it was that busy, and he just keeps blowing and huffing I could have done it in one etc.but you know what it's him that puts me on edge I'm a good driver, I feel like I'm trying to hard to be perfect though when he is watching which makes me nervous !!

pog100 Wed 11-Oct-17 09:18:21

Because he absolutely genuinely thinks he is superior to you and probably to most if not all women. He wouldn't dare express this to most other women but he thinks he has you in a vulnerable position and is free to express it. You have to prove him wrong. Not by being perfect but by making it obvious you are not in a vulnerable position.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 11-Oct-17 09:34:09

How do his parents behave? Is his dad the big I Am? Because he clearly thinks you should regard him as a God, and do everything he says, all the time.

How does he behave when you call him out on it? I think I might know....

Madbum Wed 11-Oct-17 09:35:51

He sounds like a controlling prick. Bin the silly prick he’s he lead weight around your neck.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 11-Oct-17 18:47:36

Do you justify yourself, thus confirming that you answer to his lordship?

Or do you tell him to fuck off, which is what an equal would do?

fannythrobbing Wed 11-Oct-17 18:59:41

Yep, my ex. Was with him for 7 years and never, ever felt good enough for him. Everything from my driving (he could drive but never did we only had my car) to the fact that I had a tattoo he’d quite liked as we were dating but decided as we got more serious it wasn’t appropriate for his girlfriend so I “had” to hide it. Almost before I knew it he had final say on my outfits and clothing, what I even wrote on my CV (and gave himself credit for me getting where I am) and then started fairly regularly cheating on me.
He chipped me away piece by piece. Getting out was the best thing I have ever done but it took me a while to see that!!

Bluntness100 Wed 11-Oct-17 19:01:25

Don’t put up with it.

My husband can be prone to pointing out my faults. I simply point his out in response.

You took that corner too fast
Yeah well, You’re a fat bastard. Your turn baby.
The dinner is burnt
Still better than the shite you make. Your turn, make it a good one.
I think thr tattooist is bad
I think your dental hygienist is bad. Your turn...

Honestly they don’t like it so tend not to do it too much if they know they will get it back. Just play it like you think it’s a game he wants to play.

Try it, if it doesn’t work, just end it.

Good luck.

userxx Wed 11-Oct-17 20:50:16

Bluntness - that made me laugh for the first time today. Brilliant.

raspberrysuicide Wed 11-Oct-17 20:53:11

My previous boyfriend would almost goad me into having an argument with him and constantly tried to prove me wrong.
He once went on at great detail why I was a terrible driver and checked up something I'd told him that happened 20 odd years ago!
It really pissed me off and I don't see him any more

user1499288566 Wed 11-Oct-17 22:01:48

If i get into it with him it's like I just want you to be better, I want you to be aware, you don't check mirrors enough, even though I do .I'm a steady driver always have been . Iv picked a tattoo I want and the place to get it, showed him some of the artists work and he is only one to find issues , anyone else says it's good work, I felt my heart sink .It's like is it possible for you to ever not find a problem or have something to say .Iv been going on about loosing weight, as I'm a few stone over, I hate it and sometimes it gets me down, but he keeps going on about what I should do, what diet ect, and I keep saying it's my mind set it's just not there right now even though I want it to be, but still he goes on if you hate it do as iv said, stop crying about it and act etc. Any body out there bit over weight will get that pressure and nagging don't help anyone, instead of listening to maybe why they carnt get into it which is what you need , going on at someone makes it worse, because I just feel pathetic.

CoyoteCafe Wed 11-Oct-17 22:55:48

You might read “why does he do that”. Your bf sounds emotional abusive.

user1499288566 Wed 11-Oct-17 22:57:05

We have a 4 year old and sometimes I don't know how I would cope still dealing with him while not being with him

CoyoteCafe Wed 11-Oct-17 23:04:45

What is you bf like to your child?

Mari50 Wed 11-Oct-17 23:11:42

I did. My ex is a textbook narc and a misogynist to boot. Subtle and not so subtle digs about my profession, my looks, my clothes, my parenting, my sexual prowess. Fucking everything basically. He picked it all apart and then complained about my poor self esteem etc etc. Leave. Now.

xqwertyx Wed 11-Oct-17 23:18:07

I did, its an awful way to live

hellsbellsmelons Wed 11-Oct-17 23:21:59

That's abuse.
It's death by a thousand paper cuts.
As advised, read the book Why does he do that.
You will find your abusive dickhead in there.

pallisers Wed 11-Oct-17 23:27:11

sounds really tedious. My partner thinks I am great the way I am - he doesn't want me to get better except in the general way you'd like someone to get better at running or music or whatever they are interested in. Isn't that kind of the point of being with someone - they are the person you like more than anyone else, the one you are think is great, the one you prefer (even if you don't prefer them all the time and enjoy other people too).

He won't change you know - people rarely do. This is him with you. Is that what you want?

You could try Blunt's approach (which also made me smile) but honestly if I had to regularly talk like that to anyone other than my teenager, I'd lose the will to live.

honeyroar Wed 11-Oct-17 23:37:29

"It's never been fantastic..." Come on! Everyone deserves something fantastic. This is no way to live your life. Constantly being picked at and criticised is not good for you.

I bet you'd cope much better looking after your son alone than you probably do being hen pecked.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 12-Oct-17 00:18:09

I wonder why you think you would have difficulty coping with a 4yo on your own. Maybe because some eejit tells you all the fricking time that you are a bit shit?

I bet you aren't shit at all.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now