Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Help!

5 replies

Starkitten86 · 10/10/2017 09:27

I don't know what to do about my eldest daughter. She was such a good girl. Going to the toilet on her own. No accidents in the day time. Wearing a pull up at night. Tidying up after herself, without been asked. Playing on her own. Basically, a well behaved child. Now, she's a nightmare! Purposely wetting herself in the day time. Refusing to wear a pull up at night. Not doing as she's told. My partner and I are at our wits end. She's not his daughter, but he's been wonderful with her from the start. My partner and I have a 5 month old baby. My 4 year old is proud and happy to be the big sister. She's wonderful with her little sister. So why is she acting up all of a sudden? Last night was the last straw for my partner. I'd been up all night with our baby, and at 5am she finally went to sleep. Just as I was getting into bed, my 4 year old shouts that she's wet the bed. This resulted in my 5 month old and my partner waking up. He said he couldn't take anymore. He was done with her. He won't do anything for her anymore. He was supposed to take her to school this morning. So I had to take her to school, and I'm still up with my 5 month old. I just don't know what to do. I can't send my 4 year old to her dad's, for 2 reasons. 1. He lives in a different county, so he couldn't get her to school. 2. He doesn't discipline her. I can't ask my parents, as they live in a different county. My partners family couldn't help, as they live between 40 mins and and 1 hr away, depending on traffic. My partner hasn't said this, but I feel like I have to choose between my two daughters. I'm really stuck, and I don't know what to do. Any help? Advice?

OP posts:

Report

Cricrichan · 10/10/2017 10:06

She's regressed because she sees her baby sister getting attention and thinks that if she acts like a baby, she'll get attention.

The answer is to love bomb her. Pay her lots of attention. Get your partner to have the baby whilst you spend some 1-2-1 time with her etc. And tell your partner to grow up, she's only bloody 4 years old and doesn't need punishing (plus it's punishing you as you're having to take her to school).

Report

pog100 · 10/10/2017 10:10

It's classic need for attention and she does need some. However the same could be said of your partner but he is supposed to be a grown up and everything! You don't need to choose between your daughters you need to choose between them and him at this rate.

Report

Starkitten86 · 10/10/2017 10:18

The thing is, if I broke up with my partner, he'd have our daughter. His mum agrees with that. So, I'm stuck in a rock and hard place. Both of my girls need me!

OP posts:

Report

hellsbellsmelons · 10/10/2017 10:21

Why would he have your DD?
Is he is a SAHD?
What his mum thinks means fuck all by the way.
Get a free half hour with a solicitor and see what they say.
Don't listen to them about your DD.
Find out where you legally would stand.
The system would be very very loathed to separate siblings.

Report

Starkitten86 · 10/10/2017 12:04

Wouldn't that have the opposite effect? She's attention seeking, so give her all the attention she wants? I don't ignore her. She gets lots of attention. I give her my undivided attention several hours a day, to play, read with her, etc. I'm confused