Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I tell boyfriend about brothers heroin habit?

(6 Posts)
ShortArsex Tue 10-Oct-17 08:11:46

My brother has quite a serious drug habit he has been on heroin for two years.
You would think he would be the last person to take such a heavy drug after doing years of athletics and travelling around the world.
But I understand that it can take anybody!

Me and my brother are very close and we spend a lot of time together. I am obviously really embarrassed by it as it's not the norm is it.

We haven't been together long so maybe I should put it of for a bit?

ShatnersWig Tue 10-Oct-17 08:21:24

Is your boyfriend likely to try and tap your boyfriend up for money to spend on his habit? Does he have unpleasant dealers who ever come looking for him?

Early days of a relationship, think you can probably keep it to yourself. But if it starts getting serious, then yes I think you need to tell him.

mrsharrison Tue 10-Oct-17 11:24:33

As someone whose sibling is a heroin addict, all my boyfriends were tapped for money and car lifts to meet drug dealers.

Yes I'd tell him as soon as you introduce him to your brother, or maybe don't introduce boyfriend to brother until the relationship is serious.

user1493413286 Tue 10-Oct-17 11:26:57

Once you introduce him to your brother I would as if you don’t it then gets harder to tell someone and becomes a big deal that you haven’t said it before

mindutopia Tue 10-Oct-17 12:00:46

I think you should have a sense of when the relationship moves from fun and dating and being carefree and not yet getting to know each others families to starting to get more serious and talk about the more personal things in your past and in your family life and getting ready to meet your family. That's the point when I would bring it up.

My husband's dad was an alcoholic and died from complications related to alcoholism when he was a teenager. It's not something to be embarrassed of, but it is a serious situation in the family that affects how people feel and behave. For us, it came up when we started to get more serious early in our relationship and my husband wanted to talk about his family growing up and family dynamics. It was a natural thing, just part of the conversation we were already having.

Really though lots of people have mental health and addiction issues in their families and you shouldn't feel like this is something completely weird or potentially foreign to him. It's quite possible he already had someone in his life or has in the past with substance use issues. So don't worry it will freak him out, but I would wait until the relationship is serious enough that you are starting to talk about your families and the more serious stuff in your life and planning to meet each others families.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 10-Oct-17 13:48:31

Personally I'd tell him and let him decide if he wants to meet him etc.

I wouldn't bother meeting them myself.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now