Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Mistakes you wouldn't make again if you ever got divorced again?!??!!

(23 Posts)
user1467480231 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:31:07

I've been through a year and a half of the MOST hellish divorce and court cases, but on reflection, think I'd have done a lot of things totally differently.... keeping my mouth shut for starters! LOL!

How about you? Would love to feel I'm not the only one who feels like this x

Desmondo2016 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:48:39

Worrying about keeping him happy. Next time is take the bastards for everything he's got.

User7628 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:49:27

Jumping into a rebound relationship. Messy.

terriblemistake Mon 09-Oct-17 20:53:41

Thanks for this thread. Am going through a divorce as well though only at the beginning. All signs point to it being difficult.

Stella08 Mon 09-Oct-17 22:27:01

I’d start stashing money and get my ducks in a row before I discussed separation. I’d also forget about trying to be fair and nice. I’d do what’s best for me and the DC’s. I’d also take what he told me with a pinch of salt.

NewView Mon 09-Oct-17 22:30:19

In the throes of this. I think I'm currently moving from being nice and fair to toughening up- seeing as how he has walked out of his old life and into a new one with scant regard for anyone's needs but his own.

TinselAngel Mon 09-Oct-17 22:41:46

I had four good pans, in a moment of weakness I left him one of them. I still miss that pan.

vilamoura2003 Mon 09-Oct-17 22:51:01

If you are debating stashing money you need to be very careful in the way that you put this in place. Don’t transfer money to an account as you will be required to provide bank statements to each other when you sort out the finances. You are best off withdrawing small amounts of cash and depositing them into a separate account that is not linked to your banks where your current accounts are held 🤔

If you stash it away in plain sight your husband will be entitled to half until your financial matters are finalised 👍

Toffeelatteplease Mon 09-Oct-17 22:52:08

Don't marry in the first place

beesandknees Mon 09-Oct-17 22:53:10

Don't marry

If I do, get onto the solicitor route and begin proceedings ASAP

No trying to make it happy and easy for him

butterfly56 Mon 09-Oct-17 23:00:23

I definitely wish I had planned it better where the money side of things were concerned.
I would not have been so reasonable with the lying sob!

JellyBean31 Mon 09-Oct-17 23:03:39

I'd do it quicker instead of believing that he'd stick to what we agreed after 2yts separation.

An.. Yea... Fuck the trying to be nice & fair, he was a twat of a husband and is carrying on the trend

NameWithChange Mon 09-Oct-17 23:06:56

Expect the man who promised you the world to be lying cheating scum who is prepared to take the home of your children that you bought and worked hard for WITHOUT HIM for 20 years.

I never knew that he could get half. I honestly thought reason, logic and fact would prevail and protect a mother with 2 children. Not so in the UK legal system.

He has made our marriage look legit and and of decent length by avoiding, stalling and lying for 3 extra years of hell.

I will never marry again.

I know I sound bitter. Apologies. Liars prevail in this system and I honestly don't think I will ever get over that and the fact I am the mother of his child and it means nothing to him.

NameWithChange Mon 09-Oct-17 23:08:46

.... it may not be half.... still to be concluded but the fact that the scum has any claim at all on my children's future and my hard worked for home is just utterly and entirely wrong!

LittleCandle Mon 09-Oct-17 23:12:55

I would not go to the family solicitor, but to the hard-nosed one who would have ripped every last penny from him. I came out ahead in the end, but I tried to be nice.

I will never have another relationship with a man. I could never trust one ever again.

housewifedesperate Mon 09-Oct-17 23:34:09

Grey rock from the get go. Do not feed his greed for drama, that's what a narcissist wants.
Expect the worst, that's what you'll probably get I'm afraid, especially with regards to their children.
You can do it though, promise.

NameWithChange Mon 09-Oct-17 23:36:55

You are so right Housewife, I had forgotten my grey rock in the throes of another battle. Time to resume position..

housewifedesperate Mon 09-Oct-17 23:53:47

Yep, rise above it.
Need to change my name, I'm no longer a wife (never was a house wife) and I'm certainly not desperate!
I'm free!!! And you will be too, hang in there.

user1467480231 Tue 10-Oct-17 08:03:45

It's so true that the only winners are the lawyers.

I agree that I will find it hard to ever trust a man again.

myusernamewastaken Tue 10-Oct-17 08:33:20

I got taken to the cleaners too....If i ever remarry I will have a watertight pre nup to protect my home.
I think its easier not to remarry.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 10-Oct-17 10:18:35

I would not be so 'nice' about things in the beginning.
God I was a walk over.
It worked out OK in the end though.
I'd certainly never get married again though!

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Tue 10-Oct-17 11:20:55

Walked away from the home (mortgage) as financially it's been a massive strain!
I thought I was doing the best for dc's, keeping them in their home but home is anywhere you make it and I believe as long as they're with me, loved, safe, secure and happy thats the most important.
Hope you are through the worst of it OP. We all can look back and think the same but we make choices for what we feel is right at the time smile

Lunde Tue 10-Oct-17 11:23:47

I would not have been so helpful when I found out that he'd booked his next wedding to OW before we were even divorced - instead I's have just let the chips fall and let him explain to the 50+ guests

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: