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How to tell you're still IN love?!

(11 Posts)
LauraBoo1 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:14:58

Hi all, i know it might sound like such a dumb question but i am driving myself mad! Have been with my fiancé for 6 years now and we have a 1year old little girl together. Things were fine until we had her and things changed quickly! We started arguing alot because he was constantly saying i didnt cuddle him enough and i onlt ever have time for him when our daughter is in bed. Unfortunately this is true but this is because i work full time (so does he) i do EVERYTHING around the house and i do all the child care when I'm home so yes, i literally have no free time in my day until she goes to bed and even then it isnt nuch because i have to be up at 3.30am for work. Anyway, lately i just dont know if I'm still IN love with him or simply just love him because he is my daughters dad and we have spent 6 years together. I know it sounds thick but how can you tell the difference after so long together? Thank you.

eyeoresancerre Mon 09-Oct-17 20:18:59

This probably sounds pathetic but if his car is on the driveway when I pull in I get a happy excited feeling that he's home. Been married 14 years with so many changes but I always think the day I couldn't give a shit if his car is on the driveway will mean something's changed for me.

eyeoresancerre Mon 09-Oct-17 20:21:13

Also having a child is incredibly tough for all involved. It's hard to see the woods for the trees when your sleep deprived and the relationship is unbalanced regarding shares of chores. Maybe just give it a few more months and reassess then.

user1493413286 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:21:47

Daily grind after having a baby with someone is tough and sometimes you can get bogged down in it. When you think of your future could you imagine being without him? If you think of going out for a meal with him or spending time with him how does it make you feel?

User7628 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:22:38

I think a frank discussion with him about splitting jobs would be a good starting point.

First 4/5 years are tough. There will be times when you don't feel "in love" as there will be for him.

He isn't pulling his weight though and that needs to change

Hufflepuff719 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:22:54

It's so normal to have less time for affection since you had a child, but it's important that you are affectionate towards each other.

Regarding do you still love you partner- do you get butterflies when I looks at you a certain way? Feel so happy when you spend time with him? Look forward to him coming home/you coming home to see him?

Are you parents/DP's parents around to look after DD for a night/weekend so that you two can spend some time together and you can see if the spark is still there? If there's someone to look after DD, you could try weekly/fortnightly date nights for you and DP to full dedicate your time to each other.

Hufflepuff719 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:23:38

He looks*

fuzzywuzzy Mon 09-Oct-17 20:24:37

To be fair if DP left all the household tasks and childcare to me and moaned about my not having time for him. I wouldn’t be questioning whether I loved him I’d be burying him under the patio.

He doesn’t sound terribly loveable.

I’ve got a four month old and I’m in love with DP each evening when he brings home food and spends the weekend cooking and cleaning whilst I nap with baby.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt Mon 09-Oct-17 20:27:28

Do you even like him OP? I knew my marriage was over when I realised I no longer liked XH. I loved him though but I really didn't like him anymore.

LauraBoo1 Mon 09-Oct-17 20:46:28

Thank you all so much! Honestly was expecting people to tell me i was veing a horrible person. Its difficult to spend alone time together as our daughter is so fussy and will only really settle for me and SOMETIMES him if i have to work late. But i do agree the lack of time together isn't helping anything at all.

I used to miss him like crazy when he went to work and i was at home but now i don't really even give it a second thought. I do still get a warm feeling when he looks at me a certain way or says certain things but i wouldn't say its butterflies.

In regards to whether i like him still i think that is what has led me here. I often find nyself thinking about how much he has changed since we had our daughter and i just dont think he's the same person anymore but he says that about me too.

Brown76 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:02:17

His lack of sharing the childcare and other jobs might wear you down until you resent him. What is he doing while you do all this? Does he work different shifts to you?

His complaints sound quite vague, is that how he's phrased it, that you don't cuddle him enough; that you don't have time for him? What specifically does he want? Because of its things to be as they were before you had a child then that's not possible, if it's a cuddle on the sofa every evening to reconnect for half an hour then maybe that's doable, provided he is pulling his weight with the chores.

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