Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Struggling to keep on top of everything

(9 Posts)
nattynat82 Mon 09-Oct-17 18:01:12

Originally posted in ‘Housekeeping’ but have been advised that ‘Relationships’ might be more appropriate.....
Hello there!
I'm pretty new and this is my first post so please bear with me. I guess I'm after some advice.
I'm finding it very hard to cope at the moment with everything that there is to do on a daily basis. I have a DD who will be 2 in December and work full time. My DH has his own business which I do the books for (and am currently doing a bookkeeping qualification for) and all the admin. I also do all the house admin, cleaning, washing, shopping, everything that I'm sure all of you guys are doing. I'm very fortunate in that my mother looks after DD 3 days a week so I also sort out a lot of the running around re. childcare as DH and my mother don't speak (logistical nightmare making sure they don't cross paths!) The only thing I don't have to do is cook dinner in the evening for myself and DH as he does this, but only due to his obsession with having a full on cooked meal everyday (he seems to have some aversion to just having beans on toast in order to save time!) This weekend broke me. I feel like I spent all weekend cleaning, washing, shopping, doing craft activities with DD (which I have no resentment towards - this was probably the only fun part), cooking up freezer meal stocks for DD, looking for re-mortgage quotes for BIL etc etc. My back seems to be in pieces from standing all the time and when I looked at my house this morning before leaving for work it looks like a bomb has hit it. I feel completely deflated! My husband has just enrolled on a college course one day a week (where I work funnily enough) and I seem to be sorting half of this out for him too - pushing him to do his assignments, sorting out his software etc. I seem to be the driving force behind everything and it's wearing me out! I've already tried talking to him about it and explaining that I seem to be doing everything and it's too much for me. I thought that this might prompt something to change but it doesn't seem to have. He might put the washing out now and again, but this seems like a drop in the ocean of never ending tasks that need doing! This morning I felt like I would be better off not living with him anymore which I feel awful about, especially as we are supposed to be trying for DC2. But if we have DC2 will everything just be even harder to cope with? As I write this I realise there is no miracle cure for the busyness of everyone's lives and being able to fit everything in, but having already tried to talk to DH I'm at a loss as to what to do next, if anything!. I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone out there has some words of wisdom which I could really do with right now?
Well my lunch break is nearly over and I still need to sort out a new laptop for DH!
Apologies for the rant!

Mum4Fergus Mon 09-Oct-17 18:09:39

Stop. Just stop. You don’t ‘have’ to do all are choosing to. Choice comes with consequence, and the consequence here is a broken you...and what use is a broken you to your beautiful DC. You need to work as a team...until DH can do that for/with you I’d forget about any more future plans with him brew

parkednearby Mon 09-Oct-17 18:15:46

and I still need to sort out a new laptop for DH! No. No, you don't have to do that. He is a fully-functioning adult and is perfectly capable of sorting out his own laptop.

In the evenings and at weekends when you are both at home... who does the chores?

QforCucumber Mon 09-Oct-17 18:21:44

Why help your bil remortgage? Why sort the new laptop for your husband? If your dm and dh dont speak thats their problem, not yours - they can't afford to be Petty when it comes to your child.

dantdmistedious Mon 09-Oct-17 18:26:31

Why are looking at quotes for bil, why are you sorting your dhs laptop?!

Beansonapost Mon 09-Oct-17 18:35:57

Why are you doing it all?

Just why?

It sounds like he’s found in you a mother, not a wife!

Passthecake30 Mon 09-Oct-17 18:39:18

Why remind him to do his homework? Or do laptop, or help Bil... be selfish for a while, say you feel like you've got a cold coming or something, they'll cope. You sound like a martyr tbh

GeorgeTheHamster Mon 09-Oct-17 18:43:47

Eh no. You don't need to sort out his laptop. He needs to do that.

Work our what else you don't need to do, then don't do it.

whirlyswirly Mon 09-Oct-17 20:09:21

I mean this kindly but you're being a martyr. Stop it. Let adults sort themselves out.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: