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Socially isolated, advice please!

(4 Posts)
APMama Mon 09-Oct-17 14:30:01

So in quick summary... I'm 26 and have an almost one year old daughter and have just found out i'm pregnant again which is wonderful, but dreading the fact that this may make me even more socially isolated.

The two girls from work who are the only people I had classed as friends, occasionally call but the conversation peters out when they say 'what have you been up to' and I have nothing to tell them because I have a kid that takes up all of my time! If I see them in person, the same thing happens and now I can sort of tell that they feel as awkward as I do... They are very much living the single life.. I don't want to dismiss the friendships at all, but I don't think I can call them that anymore, they think of reasons to end the call or to leave if we meet up as we have so little in common nowadays sad

I used to have an amazing group of best friends from school that were like sisters to me, but I moved away to be with my husband who had a business that couldn't easily be uprooted. I probably see them once a year and it's lovely when I do like nothing has changed, but I can't really class them as friends in a 'day to day' sense because they are just not around.

I'd LOVE to do some new hobbies and to make friends that way but we are so skint I just can't afford to spend any money at all. I've gone to some baby groups but left feeling worse than before I went because I had so little in common with anyone I spoke to, it made me feel really depressed. I don't want to just talk about babies and stuff, I'd like adult conversation, you know? When I did try to ask what people did before their kids, hobbies etc, they always changed the subject back to baby stuff and I found it really draining.

I basically spend my days waiting for my husband to come home from work and feel so embarrassed about that. I used to be so sociable and am now so much the opposite. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Willing to try anything - want to overcome this before baby 2 is here!! Woah that was long, sorry! Thank you in advance smile x

Mary1935 Mon 09-Oct-17 15:07:34

Hi I too hated baby groups - they can be isolating and clickie too. It's tough. Sometimes church run baby groups can be a bit more inclusive. Have you anyone that can help you out with childcare at all. Look up meet up groups. Could you not have the odd night out with your two friends/ go to the cinema or a cheap night out/exercise class.
I found it hard having no mum friends but once my son went to school I got to know a couple of mums and we help each other out. I'd gone back to part time work too which I understand you won't be able to do for a while. Hope you get more advice. Good luck and remember although it's mind blowlingly numb at times - your doing an important job. Also look for any sure start groups in your area.

Hesanidiot Mon 09-Oct-17 17:19:45

I felt like that Till my kids started school. I had the odd good toddler group and eventually the people I met there (& didn't like) became valued friends. It's worth it and the groups are more fun when ur kid gets older as they get something from it. Persevere it takes time

justinelibertine Mon 09-Oct-17 17:29:25

If you have a surestart centre in your area, utilise that. The leaders are EYFS trained, many having previously worked in schools and nurseries. They are always (afaik) super friendly and watch out for new mums in your situation.
I was in exactly your position. No friends, no luck in starting hobbies and by the time DD was 12 months I was ready to top myself.
They helped me with DD's suspected ASD, talked to me like a friend and put me on courses (sometimes not appropriate) where DD went in their creche and I got 2 hours 'break' and met loads of other mums who I have made friends with.
We go most days and find it good fun.

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