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I think I'm going mad.. some friendly thoughts

(9 Posts)
Hecticandpossiblymad Sun 08-Oct-17 23:04:44

A year ago my long term boyfriend accepted his dream job... it was not a decision I took lightly but I decided to move with him leaving my house, friends and my daughters dad just over an hour away.

My daughters dad was furious... still is and at the time of moving refused to do any travelling saying that it was my decision to move away. If I'm entirely honest I could see where he was coming from and as much as I dislike him he is a good father... anyway, I agreed his contact would stay the same one night in the week and a Friday night/Saturday during the day...

Anyway, the only word to describe me a year down the line is exhausted... Mh boyfriend loves his new life and I'm so miserable it's unreal I don't feel I have a life or anything to look forward to apart from driving down the motorway 6 times a week....

The tenancy on my house is due to cone to an end shortly and all I can think is that I would rather have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend rather than carrying on as I am... My boyfriend doesn't understand and thinks I'm giving into my ex... I asked if he would consider looking for a job where we used to live but he won't...

I'm so tired... my brain hurts.. I just want a life back...

Cricrichan Mon 09-Oct-17 03:05:19

Do what is best for you and your daughters. Your boyfriend must see how exhausted you are? Other than the driving, do you like where you're living?

Also, I'd talk to your ex about meeting you halfway and handing the girl's over that way or changing the amount of Times they see their dad. So every other weekend for a full weekend for example.

Cricrichan Mon 09-Oct-17 03:05:53


Joysmum Mon 09-Oct-17 07:14:32

My boyfriend doesn't understand and thinks I'm giving into my ex

Have you explained how you are feeling and why?

AnotherLegoBrick Mon 09-Oct-17 07:22:37

An hour isn't really that far and is less than my daily commute. Would your boyfriend consider travelling or moving somewhere half way.

You haven't mentioned how old your daughter is or if you are trying to fit this in over and above a day at work. Would your ex consider alternate full weekends so you both get a weekend free?

Flimp Mon 09-Oct-17 08:56:18

Your daughter’s needs must take priority in this. If it’s better for her to live near her dad then that’s how it should be.

Yoksha Mon 09-Oct-17 10:03:34

just over an hour away,

until recently I would have thought "that's nothing, what's the complaint"? But just recently my Dd & S-il moved from Hampshire to the NW. S-il lived with us for 5/6wks, commuting about 1hr either way. He'd come back exhausted every night. He's a young physically fit 36yr old. I'd secretly think he's too soft. An hour either way, pffft! Fast forward to us helping with the move & having to visit more than usual to begin with. It's a bloody nightmare! I've had my flaber absolutely gasted. No more will I secretly, smuggly sit in judgement of someone complaining about an hour's drive. I've learnt a lesson here.

If you're exhausted OP, you need to change it. Don't leave doing something about it, then find yourself ground down.

mejol Mon 09-Oct-17 14:47:39

How about seeing his daughter once a month but for longer? Or even twice a month would be much more manageable? You wanted to move and move on with your life - it wasn't like you moved to Australia so I think he can make an effort too! I think he is being overly rigid about it tbh. Its the quality of the relationship, not quantity. I am sure it must be exhausting for your daughter too, and also stops her settling in her new home area.

(It might be worth seeing a solicitor about this, just so you know legally where you stand should he try to enforce this though I don't see how he can).

BitchQueen90 Mon 09-Oct-17 14:51:34

Do you work? As a PP have said could your boyfriend not live in your hometown and commute to work?

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