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Partner out all night

(56 Posts)
Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:22:21

A little advise needed please.
Dp was invited to a colleagues stag do and wedding. So stag do was last weekend Saturday DP left at around 5pm saying he wouldn't be too late (not a close or old friend just a work colleague). No text or anything to say that his plans had changed and he wouldn't be home, phone was off and he finally turned back at house at 5.30pm Sunday saying he had poisoned himself and had stayed over at someone's house but he hadnt called all day sunday which i thought was unthoughtful as i was worried. When I asked why he hadn't let me know he said he couldn't get signal? We live in a major city in south east so signal is not an issue.
So yesterday was the wedding, he went out about midday and when I woke up at around 6am he wasn't back. When I asked him what time he got in he said about 2am, so I said that I was still awake then and he wasn't and that I had got up for drink at 6 and still no sign he said I was lying!
So far he has spent £700 on the two weekends which in itself seems unreasonable to me as we are really struggling at the moment and with the staying out as well it seems to be taking the piss to me what do you think AIBU?

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 18:26:46

No yanbu. Why didn't you go with him to the wedding?

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 18:28:35

He's blatantly lied to you and then tried to make out you are the liar. Is he being cautious with his phone?

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:28:52

I have put on a bit of weight after breaking my back a couple of years ago so I had nothing to wear (sounds lame but true) and I didn't feel I could justify the cost of a new outfit as I have never even met the bride and groom.

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:29:55

He has always been cautious with his phone and we don't have mutual friends but we have been together 9 years

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 18:31:10

How long have you been together? Has he done this sort of thing before?

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 08-Oct-17 18:32:50

You couldn't justify a new outfit but he spent £700?? I would be watching that man like a hawk. He's lying and he's gaslighting you.

JustMumNowNotMe Sun 08-Oct-17 18:33:14

£700?! Either he's been buying some serious rounds, or he's been up to no good.. . Do you have reason not to trust him?

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:33:16

Yes unfortunately he had an affair a few years age with a friend of (one of his) friends only told me because she had contacted me.

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:34:21

He had to buy new suit and yes a full night on the town in Brighton doesn't come cheap

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 18:35:01

It doesn't sound good op, I'd have to do some snooping in your position.

Mumanddadtoone Sun 08-Oct-17 18:36:13

£700 for a suit and a night out when Theres not enough money for an outfit for you!

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:36:38

Thanks for the responses sometimes I feel like I am going mad but think I will try to talk to him after I put kids to bed tonight, he isn't a big talker it's like getting blood from a stone but really can't go through this regally again.

JustMumNowNotMe Sun 08-Oct-17 18:37:06

I'd also be snooping. Get hold of his phone and bank statement if you can.

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:37:08

Oops regular not regally

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:37:59

I can't get his phone as it's locked and don't know the password, he is paperless so no bank statments

Blondehairblackroots Sun 08-Oct-17 18:38:41

Hmmm my guess is he is or is about to have another one

Stays out with no call or text ? He is lying at worst or is rude and inconsiderate at best

Don't let him feed you a load of crap , watch him

Do you have any other suspicions

beesandknees Sun 08-Oct-17 18:38:47

I think it's relatively obvious that you don't mean much to him.

Why are you with him?

Why are you going to "talk" to him? His actions have made his thoughts REALLY plain. All his words will do is, at best, try to convince you that you should ignore his actions...

ScaryMary81 Sun 08-Oct-17 18:39:38

I'm sorry to say sounds like my ex when he had met the replacement, which in hindsight I now thank my lucky stars -it's disrespectful behaviour and inconsiderate of his families needs.

If it's not another woman it could be drugs or gambling but the staying out all night x 2, would suggest an affair, people who have nothing to hide don't need to lie, catching him out is another story.

JustMumNowNotMe Sun 08-Oct-17 18:41:21

You need to carefully but casually watch him unlock it and then you'll know it. Act totally normally, don't let on you are suspicious. Bide your time! Watch, learn the code, search it with a fine toothcomb when he is sleeping

SandyY2K Sun 08-Oct-17 18:42:09

I'd be thinking he met an OW and spent the night with her. ... considering he had form for this ... I would expect him to really reassure you and make you feel safe.

Was he remorseful last time?
Did you consider leaving last time at all?
What consequences did he face?

Because if you accepted him back so easy .. he'll do it again.

If a cheater knows you'll never leave .. they trample over you.

If you stayed out all night, how would he feel? It's unacceptable behaviour for a married man.

Tiddlywinks63 Sun 08-Oct-17 18:42:26

£700 + Unable to contact + Lies about time he came home + Cautious with his phone + Had an affair three years ago = I wouldn't trust him an inch.
He's a liar op.

Smeaton Sun 08-Oct-17 18:43:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Msmuesli Sun 08-Oct-17 18:44:29

Yeah we got together after my marriage failed and I was finding life really tough with 3 kids (not his) so I guess I was used to taking shit. He has always been quite aloof and I guess I just got used to it.
So what do you think I should do if not talk just ask him to leave?
I am already struggling financially as I get no maintenence for kids not sure I can afford to kick him out.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 08-Oct-17 18:46:18

Why don't you get maintenance for the children?

Have you worked out on the government calculator what your financial situation would be like if he left

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