Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Abusive arsehole ex

(9 Posts)
TinchieThistle Sun 08-Oct-17 14:28:14

When will this end? Ten years of awful verbal, financial, emotional abuse. He was arrested a few years ago for assaulting my DC.

Wormed his way back in and was ‘trying really hard’ for about 4 months until he went back to his old ways.

In January I found messages which confirmed his drug use. I threw him out and have filed for divorce. On and off abuse since then bit it’s now ramped up as he has received his divorce papers in the post.

I’m in the middle of the freedom programme which is great, but stirring up a lot of emotions in me.

Today he picked the DC up (not the one he assaulted, he doesn’t see her) and the verbal abuse was horrific. I ran upstairs to get away and he barged his way past one DC into my bedroom and was shouting at me. I didn’t say a single thing but broke down after he left.

Called 101 and reported it at 11am, I’m still waiting for someone to come out to give a statement.

I fucking hate him, abusive arsehole twat. I wish he would just leave me alone.

This is all my fault, don’t you know? I chose to end our marriage and broke our vows as it was supposed be until death do us part. All he needed was time and love to get over his drug addiction but I couldn’t give that to him apparently, as addiction is an illness I broke the vows again as it was ‘in sickness and in health’. Oh and my jeans are too tight and top too short, and I’m not setting a good example to the DC (I was wearing skinny jeans and a normal length hoody).

Manipulative, lying, bastard. FUCK YOU. Wish the police would hurry up whilst I’m still angry, I’m not very well either and desperate to go to bed.

verbaIkint Sun 08-Oct-17 14:55:57

I am totally hearing you right now. You did the right thing by contacting the police, who does he think he is? Even if you answered the door fully in the nudie that's none of his damn business. Not being a good role model? Ahem. He needs to look in a mirror.
If you could do handover via a 3rd party then that avoids being verbally assaulted, I know that's not always possible though.
I've been through similar and I get it, really do. Here for a hand hold if nothing else xxx

TinchieThistle Sun 08-Oct-17 17:22:51

Thank you.

The police still haven’t turned up, they know he’s dropping the kids back at 6pm so doubt they’ll come now. I’ll have to call them again later. I’ve old my eldest DC to be on standby to call 999 if she needs to. I’m going to try and record him on my phone as well as he’ll start when he drops them off.

But it is his business, I’m his wife, therefore his property... and apparently after 10 years my mask is slipping and he’s starting to see the real me confused. He doesn’t know me at all, and I’m not showing my true colours.

I just want him to sign the papers and wash my hands of him. I don’t think there’s a 3rd party who would be willing to do it, there’s my DM but she already goes over and beyond for me and I don’t like asking too much from her.

Eldest DC’s dad has just offered to stay whilst the others are dropped off... he’s a bloody diamond tbh, and whilst I’d like someone here, I don’t think him being here is wise as exH gets very jealous of him anyway and it would just cause me more grief in the long run.

deste Sun 08-Oct-17 21:24:20

Sounds awfull, I would let oldests' dad stay but upstairs so he is on hand if you need him.

SandyY2K Sun 08-Oct-17 21:30:26

I hope you're okay OP.

TinchieThistle Sun 08-Oct-17 22:23:06

I’m ok thank you, the police came and I gave a statement. It won’t go any further though, which I knew it wouldn’t. But at least it’s logged and I feel a bit happier in myself knowing I’ve got them involved.

The police recommend i either have someone here when he collects them/drops them off, or I meet somewhere public. So I need to give it some thought as to what to do for the best.

strartingtotry Sun 08-Oct-17 23:25:40

I'm not sure if it's a great idea for your ex to take your children out for the day if he is on drugs and has assaulted your child?

TinchieThistle Mon 09-Oct-17 07:52:35

He’s no longer on drugs and the assault was in 2013, he no longer sees that DC at all. We had years of social services intervention and they have deemed the contact he has with his two DC acceptable.

Mary1935 Mon 09-Oct-17 07:53:45

Can you not get a non molestation order? I have read on here that you can apply for one even if they have not been charged. It's great your doing the freedom programme. Speak to the people who are running the course. Or contact women's aid - they will best advice you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now