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Feeling rejected by partner

10 replies

Feelingrejected · 07/10/2017 11:58

As title and my name say basically.

The other night, I woke up to him watching porn in bed beside me and masturbating to it, obviously. I asked what he was doing, knowing anyway, and he said nothing and turned it off. He then carried on watching something else for a while before I told him to turn it off as I couldnt sleep and he did then tried cuddling me. This made me feel sick from what he had been doing before so I asked him again what was he doing. He said nothing and I said are you going to tell me the truth? He said you know what I was doing, so I told him to stop touching me. He said sorry at this point but I didn't want to touch or look at him. Both spent most of the night awake, me crying at this.

Only reason I was crying is because he hasn't been having sex with me. OK I am on my period currently, but even before then we weren't having sex much. He was leaving the next day too to go back home so I don't see why he couldn't have waited til the next day if he was needing 'release' as he says.

He wants to just forget about it, but I can't. I know he is sorry and is unlikely to do it again, but it's hurtful that he chose that over me. He doesn't see it that way and thinks I am being silly about it.

I dunno what to do. I love him, love his company, love everything, but increasingly it feels like he has no respect for me. This just being one incident where I felt worthless. He says I'm not worthless, that I'm worth more than him, but it hardly looks that way. Think we should break up but I don't want to, he usually makes me happy. What would you do?

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DianaT1969 · 07/10/2017 12:42

Sounds as if he doesn't know you very well if he thought you'd be OK with that. Did you have sex more frequently when you first got together? What changed? How long have you been together?

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Feelingrejected · 07/10/2017 12:47

We did yeah nothing has changed. Been together over half a year, so not long. Dunno if he thought I would be OK with it or just hoped I wouldn't wake up.

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DaisiesAndCompasses · 07/10/2017 12:51

I can see why that made you feel rejected...

Is it your decision to not have sex on your period, or his?

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DianaT1969 · 07/10/2017 14:09

Daisies
That's a strange question about periods. Not relevant IMO.

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whirlyswirly · 07/10/2017 14:35

I wouldn't be ok with this although I'm not sure it would upset me as much as it's done you. I think I'd find it more cringey.

The biggest issue seems to be how you feel and communicate aside from this issue though, after just six months you certainly shouldn't be feeling worthless. (Or at any point, for that matter)

It doesn't sound like he's the one for you. Perhaps best to cut your losses now.

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DaisiesAndCompasses · 07/10/2017 15:47

lDaisies
That's a strange question about periods. Not relevant IMO.

Maybe; I didn’t mean it to be. My thought process was along the lines of it being slightly more acceptable if it was OPs decision; and really odd if it was DPs. That would probably affect how rejected I felt on that particular night, because if sex wasn’t possible, it’s not totally unreasonable to take care of it yourself, although his methods were pretty grim.

But you’re right, it’s not relevant in the grand scheme of OP feeling rejected.

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HipsterAssassin · 07/10/2017 16:51

You're in the early phase of this relationship. This phase is for learning about someone. Sex has been dwindling already. There are many incidents where you feel worthless. And now you've learned this.

Don't fall for the 'sunken cost fallacy' 6 months is short. Like, as in, twenty four weeks short.

You are worth more. Bye bye new man....

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Feelingrejected · 07/10/2017 17:25

I can see why she asked though, and it's his decision not mine. I would have sex as I want it more then, but he won't as he finds it's gross. Just sucks more when I am being rejected already and then he goes somewhere else basically.

Usually we are fine, and people say we are great together. We are as well in general but I don't like how easy he just brushes aside what I feel. I get that he probably feels embarrassed at getting caught but shouldn't have been doing it in the first place, which he has acknowledged.

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Oakleygirl · 07/10/2017 18:33

My dp (new-ish relationship like yours OP) was open and honest about "this sort of thing" from the start (masturbating to porn) and told me that when I'm not there he does this, but I think I would be extremely alarmed to wake up to this on the nights I'm there! I don't have much of a problem with it in general and appreciated his openness but as our sex life is good I would feel very rejected the same as you do. If my dp was unwilling to have sex when I was on my period I would expect him to ask me for an alternative, if you get what I mean? It's worrying that your sex life has taken a down turn too.

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Feelingrejected · 07/10/2017 19:30

I don't mind if he does it when I'm not there, but when I'm in the bed asleep it's just wrong. All I keep thinking is why didn't he want me?