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Sick of not being able to express my feelings

(10 Posts)
hemakesmesad Sat 07-Oct-17 00:20:40

So when I try to express my feelings and resentment about some things in my marriage my husband always considers it as an argument. I can't talk about anything because he see it as an argument and he expects me to just keep things to myself because otherwise I'm arguing with him. Also when I'm talking to him he says 'I'm tired now because of all your arguing' and yawns and threatens to go to bed because me talking him gets him so tired. I feel like I have to keep everything built up and he gets away with faults in our marriage by saying he's tired and saying it's an argument. Feel like nothing gets resolved and I'm always left with this big fat bag of resentment

Shoxfordian Sat 07-Oct-17 07:19:50

Sounds like a good system he's got going on there! Every time you say something he doesn't like he says it's an argument and shuts it down so you just stay quiet. Must be nice for him.

This is such manipulative behaviour. Do you feel he manipulates you in other ways as well? At the absolute best you both need to consider your communication skills and go to Relate. At the worst which it sounds like it is; then look into leaving.

NotAgainYoda Sat 07-Oct-17 07:23:09

Well, someone listening to you is the bare minimum to expect in a relationship.
He sounds nasty.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 07-Oct-17 07:23:29

his response is designed to shut you down.

Any decent person would want to hear about it if you're upset with something

I guess the fact he doesn't want to hear it means he is doing things to upset you and you want to address?

Joysmum Sat 07-Oct-17 07:47:15

He does this because it works for him. Are you prepared to carry on like this?

If not, you need to have your response ready. You're tired of being in a relationship that isn't meeting your needs and has no hope of meeting your needs because he won't even listen, let alone acknowledge and try to work out ways to improve things.

BandHag Sat 07-Oct-17 07:51:25

He is training you to accept status quo.

The message is clear. He wont listen. He wont change.

What he will do is yawn go to bed and label you argumentitive.

RandomMess Sat 07-Oct-17 07:52:47

TBH I'd book couples therapy, if he refuses to go then go by yourself and decide whether or not you want to continue with the marriage.

flowers

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas Sat 07-Oct-17 08:20:24

You don't actually have a relationship.

This does mean that if you walk away, you're not ending it, because he already has.

GlitterSparkles17 Sat 07-Oct-17 08:42:55

you need to decide if your happy to put up with this for the rest of your life, you clearly have issues in your relationship and your husband doesn’t care and doesn’t want them resolved, so it’s likely the issues stem from him but he’s happy to keep causing these issues even though it makes you unhappy. That should tell you a lot about the man your married to.

A normal relationship involves communication and you should be able to go to him with an issue or concern.

Send him a text with your feelings on about this, he has to read it and can’t shut you down coz it’s on a text, I’d also tell him how close you are to leaving, if he doesn’t care then you know all you need to know

Paperdolly Sat 07-Oct-17 08:48:04

Read up on assertiveness. Get some Counselling preferably for both of you. An unequal relationship is not a relationship.

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