Bear with me as this has turned out long!
This isn't my first post and I have name changed.
I've recently started to believe that when I was 19-22 I was in an abusive relationship. I've never really thought about it in this way but I have a lot of issues with self confidence and have recently started to think more and more about the time I was with this man. Writing down quite a few examples, it has added up to quite a lot. My family have always dismissed anything I've told them as 'just one of those things' and I'm really too embarrassed to talk about this with my friends as I feel like an idiot.
Some examples of his behaviour:
Not giving me my own space - I always had to be with him, even to the extent where I couldn't watch tv alone or go to bed at a different time.
Telling me he hated the person I became when with my friends.
Telling me awful things about my friends to try and stop me seeing them.
Making me do his work for him when we were studying.
I had a job and he didn't (both at university) yet he used to make me give him most of my money because it wasn't fair that I was working and didn't see him.
Making me sleep on the sofa because he was sick of me.
Making me sleep on the floor without blankets because he was sick of me.
Not letting me see my family because he hated being alone - yet didn't want to come with me to visit. Guilt tripping me into not going.
Trying to control my diet.
Everything I did was wrong - bought the wrong food, chose the wrong thing. One Christmas I spent ages choosing presents for him. He said we had to open them beforehand and berated everything I had bought him - made me take it all back.
Shouting at me for spending my money - everything I did with it was always a waste.
Constantly saying I was boring, less exciting, uglier than other girls.
Getting upset if I went out without him
Making up reasons for me to come home when I was at work, university, out with friends
Trapping me in the bathroom for hours at a time and getting angry when I got upset. He said it meant I didn't trust him.
Putting a duvet over my face and getting angry when I got upset because it meant I didn't trust him.
Making me have sex whilst watching porn, because I didn't turn him on enough.
Forcing us to have sex in front of windows.
Pain games - flicking me or punching me and getting angry if it hurt because it meant I didn't trust him.
Outrageous insecurity - making me promise to marry him etc when he was drunk, coupled with threatening to leave if I didn't do what he said.
Had disgusting personal hygiene and forced me to perform sexual acts on him.
Do you think that this relationship was abusive? If so would I benefit from some counselling? I feel like I'd like to talk about it with someone but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.
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Was this abuse?
31 replies
fishbowl05 · 06/10/2017 22:04
OP posts:
zzzzz ·
06/10/2017 23:11
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